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Primus Tachonis is an all-purpose personal tragedy creator sure to spur your character to adventure specifically so they can get his ass. Whether you need an old money asshole muscling in on an institution beloved to your PC or an evil sorcerer to slaughter their entire family Primus Tachonis has the magic and the social station to create whatever tragedy is required to serve your backstory.

Primus Tachonis is so versatile as a backstory tool he has professional D&D players raving:

Primus Tachonis killed my character's best friend and now she has to figure out who she is without him! -Laura Bailey I wrote a light backstory because I was still feeling out the setting and my dungeon master used Primus Tachonis to turn my brother into a statue! -Travis Willingham Primus Tachonis is trying to take over my character's magic school and endangering her students, and she will not have that! -Marisha Rey I had intended my character to have a tense but ultimately repairable relationship with his father, but then my DM used Primus Tachonis to rip his skull from his head. Now my character is on a quest to kill every member of Primus' noble house! -Matthew Mercer My character was a happy and established local playwright until Primus Tachonis had his little brother executed. Now he's taken up the sword again in his brother's stead! -Liam O'Brian I needed someone to murder my character's wife and daughter and my dungeon master suggested Primus Tachonis, and I couldn't be happier with the result! -Robbie Daymond Even works on members of his own family! -Alexander Ward

Velociraptors are social animals, with learned traits they didn't learn at the park. The park's raptors don't know how to work as a team or live in a pack, because they had no adults to teach them. That's why you have adult raptors keeping the juveniles away from the food, or attacking baby raptors.

The deterioration of the 2nd island's dinosaur population was due to a prion disease. Park organisers bought the cheapest feed (derived from scrapie infected sheep) without considering the consequences, and the populations were collapsing because a prion disease called DX had become endemic.

None of the people running the park understood the biology of the animals they were keeping. They were concerned with having a static, point-in-time population, not a functioning ecosystem. So when the dinosaurs started breeding, they had no idea what to do.

Similarly, they were more interested in the environments as dioramas for visitor viewing than as ecosystems for the animals. They kept predators isolated and tossed all the herbivores together ("it's not like they're gonna eat each other!") rather than studying their behavior to decide which dinosaurs to put where.

They picked plants based on the prehistoric aesthetic they wanted rather than their actual properties. Remember the sick triceratops? It was sick because it ate a poisonous plant. Ellie figured that out because her area of study was paleobotany. She also figured out that some of the plants around the family-friendly swimming pool were highly toxic. Nobody double checked the plants they used for their impacts on visitors or the dinosaurs.

They had hundreds of animals and no staff ecologists. They had 1 veterinarian. Instead of having paleontologists on staff, they had a big game hunter. All their biologists worked in the lab. They built everything like theme park rides because automation kept labor costs down and made secrecy easier.

29 / 08 / 2024 🪩💪🏽🌈

this is one of the stupidest things ive ever come up with! 💘

I try not to make sweeping statements but I think there’s a case to be made for bernini as the greater sculptor there’s ever been.

here’s his bust of costanza bonarelli

here’s apollo and daphne from the front, where she’s mostly human

from the back, where she’s mostly tree

and details

Where do they come from. What do

they hope to achieve.

you all say: I love you I

love you I love you.

there's always next year.

they're like something from a nightmare.

no. they're something nightmares are from.

you get used to it.

should you?

a couple more minutes, who knows what might've happened?

dude, be thankful. those things are terrifying. and the cleanup on them is a nightmare.

yeah, well, they may be zombified, pain-worshipping, backwoods idiots, but they're our zombified, pain-worshipping, backwoods idiots.

i'd just like to see them fall on their asses, for once.

there's too much riding on this.

come on, like you wouldn't want a piece of that.

can we not talk about people in pieces any more tonight?

are you feeling lonely, [ name ]?

i never did buy that ring.

i have a theory about all this.

[ name ], do you wanna go lie down?

don't push me around.

you seriously believe nothing weird is going on?

[ name ]'s just drunk.

you're not seeing what you don't wanna see.

pop-tarts? did you say you have pop-tarts?

[ name ], i love you, but you're really high.

we are not who we are.

i'm gonna go read a book with pictures.

you speak latin?

weird how it all comes back.

well, it's a weird kind of night.

i'm sorry about tonight.

what are you running away for?

did i get a little beer on your shirt? i guess it'll have to come off, huh?

your basic human needs disgust me.

it's so dark. take me inside?

show us the goods.

you understand what's at stake, here?

[ name ], man, you gotta wake up. your shit is topsy-turvy.

i'm gonna go for a walk.

okay. i swear to fucking god, somebody is talking. or i'm pretty sure someone is.

what are you saying?

what do you want?

you think i'm a puppet, huh?

you think i'm a puppet. gonna do a little fucking puppet dance!

i'm the boss of my own brain, so give it up.

i thought there'd be stars.

we are abandoned.

jesus, what happened?

where are you hurt?

we've gotta get out of here.

i'm not leaving here without [ name ].

what is that thing?

we gotta lock this place down.

no matter what happens, we have to stay together.

watch the master work.

we should split up.

i'm on a reality tv show.

my parents are gonna think i'm such a burnout.

help me! help me!

this is where he killed them.

this is where he kills us.

let's just check the walls, okay?

you like pain? how's that work for you?

remember when you could just throw a girl in a volcano?

how old do you think i am?

the evil is defeated!

fuck you! fuck you! fuck you!

any word from downstairs?

can't she just prop the bowl on Loki's face or give the snake a bib

TO GET SPOOPY

Huh? What’s this? I don’t remember ordering something that big.

Oh, it’s a sofa? I already have one, though…

Huh??? It’s empty?? Then why was it so heavy…

Oh hang on what’s this?

Oh crap!!!!

Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS.

Featuring Helpful Sections such as:

Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them

Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone

What the Everloving Fuck is Probate

Some Simple Dos and Don’ts

Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials

How to plan a non-religious death party

So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit

This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures.

It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death.

I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together.

Good luck!

Life is short, kindness is what we’ve got.

When my mom died it wasn’t exactly unexpected but it was still sooner than we all thought it would happen. It was a huge punch in the guts and the thought of making things and not being able to show her and share them with her still hurts but in that first month it was like drowning.

So I made this for her, and shared it with and showed it to other people who are hurting, because my momma didn’t raise a quitter but she sure did raise a softhearted fool who wants everyone to feel a little more loved and a little more worthy and a little less alone.

But last time I reblogged one ten/fifteen minutes later I got a call offering me a job

But I reblogged it because I was waiting on hearing back from the job. So there you go.

IT EVEN HIGHLIGHTS THE ULNA BONE  

Arm view: Red = Deltoids (all three heads are in one color) Blue = Latissimus Dorsi Green = Biceps Brachii Yellow = Triceps Brachii

Forearm: Red = One of the wrist flexors Blue = Brachioradialis

Back view, left side: Red = Deltoids (all three heads are in one color) Blue = Latissimus Dorsi Green = Infraspinatus, Teres Minor, Teres Major Yellow = Trapezius (all groups one color)