CEO of Billy Kaplan

dreamt that itch.io released their own special adaptable accessible super thin flexible silicon game controller called the Butterfly you could also fuck (they packaged each one with lube and toy cleaner) but there was no specific obvious way you were supposed to fuck it they encouraged everyone to find their own special unique way to fuck it. and they ran these ads for it that were different people from all walks of life saying what they do with it . sunburned rural dad who folds it hotdog style and jacks off into it. biracial masc lesbian with undercut who tribs with the joystick. young amputee in wheelchair who lets it vibrate on his lap while he works on his novel. etc. beautiful supermodel woman whos like "and me? i just game. hard." it ended with them all triumphantly saying into the camera "and thats how *I* fuck #MyButterfly"

HEARTBREAKING: friends who i should be going to the movies and playing dnd and watching anime and cosplaying and going to the mall and having sleepovers and exploring the woods with live one hundred trillion miles away

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

College should be free and you should be able to study “useless” degrees just for the love of learning

i am going to get a bad grade in sleeping, something which is normal not to want but terribly easy to achieve.

missing The Character is a strange thing because yea there's always the option to go back to their source material or looking at art or reading fics but it's also like i can't just call them up like i would a friend to see how they're doing and that's the frustrating part of it

If trb were girls Adam would be like 'god I hate how Gansey can get away with wearing no makeup and still look glamorous even though she could afford all the best products, not like me I need to use this drug store shit on my face just to slightly keep up and so people will treat me with respect' and Gansey would be like 'if I didn't have all these expectations upon me to be the perfect daughter and the perfect classmate and the perfect girl I would be able to just express myself like how Adam does I love Adam her eyeliner is so cool I want to be cool like Adam'. And Ronan would be like 'eyeliner tastes so sexy let me chew on this liquid liner pen and pretend I'm licking it off their eyelids'

if you think adam and ronan have only ever been horny for each other you are A Fake Fan.

last night i dreamed acclaimed actor and director kenneth branagh died in a recreation of the battle of agincourt and i happened to be there at the time, so afterwards the investigator for the death (who was an off brand hercule poirot situation) asked me about it and i said “ken was always drawn to spectacle. he loved that feeling of awe” and i remember thinking, in the dream, what the hell am i doing? since when am i on ken terms with real life oscar winner sir kenneth branagh?? being a heartrendingly present bystander at the moment of his bizarre death doesn’t give me the right to ken him

no weapon formed against my sweeties will prosper