A Dream of a Sky Unknown

Reasons I should be your boyfriend: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

I don't know why i hate myself so much. I could give you a million reasons, but none of them...none of them justify it, truly. I could blame my mother, i could blame Mandy, i could blame the kids in school, but none of it would ring true. There are horrible things i've done. I've lied, cheated, stolen. I torpedoed my relationship with someone who could have been my wife, in another life. But that's not enough. I want myself cut, burned, flayed, strangled, broken, dead. I always have. Why?? Why do i do this to myself? The answer is smoke. I try to hold it and it slips away again. I doubt God is real for a number of reasons, but one of them is this: It wouldn't create something with no purpose. Yet here i am.