3h
I don't know why i hate myself so much. I could give you a million reasons, but none of them...none of them justify it, truly. I could blame my mother, i could blame Mandy, i could blame the kids in school, but none of it would ring true. There are horrible things i've done. I've lied, cheated, stolen. I torpedoed my relationship with someone who could have been my wife, in another life. But that's not enough. I want myself cut, burned, flayed, strangled, broken, dead. I always have. Why?? Why do i do this to myself? The answer is smoke. I try to hold it and it slips away again. I doubt God is real for a number of reasons, but one of them is this: It wouldn't create something with no purpose. Yet here i am.
