CARPE CULUM

The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 

He didn’t know the joke.

So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.

Also! Stress tolerance is such an important skill that having a learning disability in that area is a major symptom of a whole lot of other disabilities/mental illnesses! Struggling with it is a huge part of life! It sucks!

Am I saying everyone with misophonia needs to listen to chewing noises all day? No. But you need to find ways to tolerate it enough that you don't treat others like shit if they make a mouth noise near you.

No, you don't have to read the fic with your trigger tags. But you do need to be able to handle scrolling past the tags without being upset.

It is hard! But not having it also makes you so so so easy to manipulate. That grandma is racist AF because her mom raised her to be uncomfortable around black people and she never fought that discomfort. Trans people make so many cis people uncomfortable and that discomfort turns into bigotry real fast.

Another one is the verb "perceive" i.e. "don't perceive me" "I am perceiving" "I am being percieved." That's something that feels very specific to tumblr parlance.

There's the thing where people on tumblr have an emotional reaction to something and instead of, or in addition to telling you how they feel about it using emotion words, they will narrate a fictional action in the present progressive tense. "I am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure "I am kissing you on the mouth" "you are going into the soup" "you are getting all of the awards"

I once saw someone use that response format in ... I think it was a restaurant review, or a doordash review, or something like that. It was very unexpected seeing it outside of a tumblr post.

sadly my project is lost due to the website being wiped from the university database after graduation and my then laptop having a major hardware failure. backup your backups people! but the crux of the entire module was that the internet is full of communities using language not only as jargon for specific purpose but also to signal membership in said community. I even wrote a bit about non capitalisation and punctuation useage as a visual cue on tumblr and how including information in the reblog body or the tags indicated different levels of importance or intimacy of thought

*Zooms in*

w-wait.

“study”

* you have power

* you're safe

You get to play at having power over someone else. This is your dominance sorts of things, your sadisms, etc.

You get to play safely. You can play with scary things while knowing there's safewords and a dom/top who loves you.

my mother, completely deadpan: well are they reviewing the theatrical release or director's cut.

me:

Be prepared to get comments like "Your hair is so pretty. You wrote her hair so pretty. Why is she so pretty?" And "Your writing is so good. I can really tell what he's saying and oh he smells so nice. That's a cool looking bag. Your beta has awesome shoes I bet. What's her name?"

not Saw specifically but a slasher with a legit body count. Summer camp slashers are overplayed but I think it really works because it's the type of thing the Scooby gang WOULD get caught up in.

like some of the counselors didn't show up (got got) so the head counselor calls his younger cousin to see if him and his friends can fill in last minute. They show up and they're a bunch of nerds, one of them even has an anxiety dog, and they don't have a big role at first. It seems like the movie is setting them up as cannon fodder.

Fuck the slasher movie just effectively becomes Home Alone but with Four Kevin McAllisters

I know we all love the ‘humans are space orcs’ concept… but imagine, onboard the new ship they’ve been assigned to, the human meets an actual space orc. A massive monster… fangs and tusks and scars and a battle-hardened stare, looming over all the other life forms on the ship in its thick indestructible armour it refuses to remove. It barely drinks, it doesn’t need sleep, its massive shoulders are heavy with the terrible things it has experienced. Compared to the squishy & delicate human body, this thing is a walking tank.

… Except instead of hating/ignoring one another, the human and the monster start bonding over both coming from death planets. The human is excited to find a life form who doesn’t quiver with fear at the vague description of a jellyfish and the monster is ecstatic to meet someone who understands the feeling of being bitten by a qua’lem (cats are pretty close). They sit together and compare dangerous animals and locations as the other aliens look on in confusion and fear… oh, you also have dense jungles of deadly hidden predators, boiling acid lakes, tamed predatory killers, and areas with horrendously high and low temperatures? Sick!! 

It doesn’t take long before the two of them become totally inseparable. The human loves not feeling like some kind of crazy outsider and the monster is overjoyed they’ve finally found an equal in this unkillable marshmallow.

“The introduction of these two species may be, galactically speaking, something akin to an ecological disaster.”

“How so, Puir?” the junior researcher asked, their multifaceted eyes sparkling with curiosity. “Are they dangerous to one another? Humans seem to get along with every species they meet and the Hilammu are known to be a gentle, if physically intimidating, species.”

Puir wobbled their head in the negative expression. “Actually, the problem seems to be that encountering the Hilammu and their world has… exacerbated human predilections.”

Pez gaped for a moment. “But… how is that even–”

“In the past six months three hundred and eight humans have died on Mogru’lam, despite the Hilammu trying to protect them from themselves. The human phrase, ‘Watch this’ has become a meme amongst the Hilammu indicating a likely fatal choice.”

The junior researcher blanched. “But the humans only made contact with the Hilammu eight of their months ago!”

The senior researcher on sentients behavior purred in what was the equivalent of a human sigh of exasperation. “They’ve requested to set up an embassy on Mogru’lam and three dozen Terra-based companies have asked the Hilammu if they can buy land to establish a tourist industry.”

“The humans have become an ecological threat to Mogru’lam?” Pez was horrified. The human history with their own hell-world was well known as a cautionary tale amongst other species.

But instead, Puir’s four eyes blinked furiously and they wobbled a negative response again. “No no no–if anything the humans have made a point of impacting Mogru’lam as little as possible. The threat is to themselves - at this rate, the Hilammu are concerned the humans will develop a death cult based around their planet! They have voiced strong concerns about the humans doing something called ‘base diving’, which is apparently different from a separate complaint of humans ‘free diving’. Also, for reasons which none have managed to explain, they keep trying to climb Gurhorkat.”

“Gurhorkat?”

“It is the tallest and least hospitable mountain on Mogru’lam. It stands at ten kilometers above their sea level, the highest kilometer of which has oxygen too thin for human lungs. The Hilammu keep having to rescue them or retrieve their bodies.”

“That’s terrible!” gaped the junior researcher. “Why would they try such a thing? Hillammu lungs can barely breathe at that altitude, and they modified their species for that trait!”

Puir rubbed their forehead. “Because, and this is a quote from several humans, “you just gotta.’ So you can see the cause for this to be considered our problem.”

The junior researcher felt a bit faint. “I know we must work to preserve all sentient species and their well-being as a matter of galactic ecology but… but maybe some species should be exceptions? Humans seem to survive fine without us despite their best efforts.”

“There is also concern some humans will ask to co-settle with the Hilammu.”

“They can’t be serious.”

“The Hilammu love the humans but they are seeking a sentient ecological protective order for their own good.”

“What have the humans said?”

Again, Puir found themselves rubbing their forehead. “The human ambassador replied, ‘Well, if they don’t want us moving in that’s fine. We’ll settle in the neighboring system.’”

Pez thought for a moment. “There are no habitable planets there. The closest is an M-class that’s less hospitable than Mogru’lam. Oh no.”

Most species are still delighted. But we are the Bybleotekar, the recorders of the spaceways, and we have begun to wonder. Our merry companions are… not different, but too much the same. They understand so readily, accept so quickly - most new species have trouble adjusting to dealing with aliens, to the realities of space travel, to the sheer bigness of the universe. But the humans are so adaptable, so ready for it all, they might be remembering something they’ve forgotten, not learning something new. 

Some of us, the Izaslanik of the Bybleotekar, the gatherers of information for the record keepers, began encouraging humans to join us, that we might study them more closely. They like the work - they are a curious species, delighting in new knowledge, and they make able assistants. My human companion is named Mira, a young female. She is a good companion, who sings sweetly and laughs often. 

When Mira struck the first blow against what I thought I knew of the universe, against illusions soon to shatter that I had thought were truth, we were attending the coronation of a lesser Netar of the Kktil, recording the customs and ceremonies and unofficially enjoying the colourful celebrations. Mira was watching the dancing, her mouth widened in a ‘smile’. “It’s so pretty,” she said, her hairless face sheened with sweat under the hot sun. “I love the turquoise jewellery.” She pointed to the bright blue stones that bedecked the dancers. “I should buy some. Our homeworld doesn’t have any turquoise, you know. Only a few pieces we brought with us when we came.” 

It takes me a little while to understand what she said. It is only later, during the feasting, that I turn to her again. “You said your homeworld doesn’t have turquoise. Only… what you brought with you. Do you mean turquoise you have bought offworld, since you joined the spaceways?”