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“Guard your tongue when your heart is bitter or broken, be still until you heal” So often a friend, a relative, a boss, anyone will say something that really gets under your skin and you are very angry. Often times circuits from the dark side of my brain click into gear and the angry words come out too fast, too harsh and the damage is done. Practicing the pause was a technique that had to be…

Somewhere between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day I thought to pay tribute to Grandparents. While my profession has taught me that not all extended families are “hunky dory,” many are pretty good. Seventy-five (my present age) is considered “aging;” My wife and I definitely enjoy the rewards of knowing & spending time with our four grandchildren. I hope they enjoy our company as much as we enjoy…

Unfortunately there are a lot of toxic people in this world. Try to keep a balanced perspective; not everybody is toxic.  But, when you run into them, the above advice is sound. The more you interact, the more it feeds their dysfunction. If you leave them alone, hopefully their toxicity will atrophy (waste away) or at least you won’t be as affected by them! Save your sanity and let them go!…

Trust is essential! Nothing good comes from trusting the wrong people. Here’s a little handout that tells you who not to trust. Trust the right people.  Peace, John  See below  I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy – find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.” …

What do you think would happen if you started looking more frequently on the brighter side of situations? Those of us who like challenges may tend to look at the difficulties as challenges for us to straighten out.  Years ago I came across this short ditty that seems appropriate here: “two men looked out from behind prison bars. One saw mud. The others saw stars!” What do you want to be looking…

A little play on words there in this blog title to get you thinking!  When you fail, do you give up? A wise person once told me that “winners lose more than losers.”  It took me a bit to figure out that may be because they take more risks, try more often, and persist through failure. They view setbacks as lessons rather than reasons to stop. While losers avoid risk to minimize failure, winners…

Two things to understand about “process:”  First, there are steps in a process. One step usually follows another. Second, most things “in process” take time.  When you become impatient, think “process.” Try to look forward to what might be coming next. You might also look back and see how far you’ve already come. Perspective can be an important part of growing. What processes are you currently…

For years I’ve been fanatical about my to do lists.  I’ve used at least a dozen apps or programs to list, categorize, organize and track them.  At one point I became frustrated – at the end of the week I had put forth a lot of effort but it didn’t seem like I had accomplished anything.  I made another list and I maintain it to this day, my “DONE” list.  Now, at the end of the week I’m frequently…

This blog is a good follow up to last week’s. They’re both about taking care of your self. Make your self a priority. Don’t routinely put others ahead of your self. Ideally you want to be on the same level with others. On a commercial airline the flight attendant will tell you, if the air masks should drop during flight, put yours on first before assisting someone else. This is the same…

If you are a giver, think about this: Have you trained those close to you to be takers? If so, it’s going to be difficult for either of you to change. Each of you have become set in your roles.  If you decide to make a change and expect to get something back, please know that you are likely to meet resistance.  They will continue to expect you to give and it will be difficult for them to…

Are you a “someday….” kind of person????  “Someday I’ll …….”  Why not today?  Better yet, whatever it is, why not schedule it?  Yes, figure out when you can do it, commit to doing it on a particular day, put it on your schedule and do not let anything prevent you from doing it. Try this formula.  Too often we have too many things on our “to do” lists, we get overwhelmed, don’t know where to begin…

Anxiety about your journey? Doubting whether you will ever get there? I’m sure most of you have heard the quote, “The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.” If you focus on the destination or the trials along the way, you might never get started. That first step has to happen in the now. Persistence will get you there, one step at a time, each of them taken in the present moment. Start…

What an appropriate post-Valentine’s Day graphic?  I hope you can forgive the language in the little green heart. I frequently ask clients about their family of origin and explore the patterns they experienced in childhood. This may be a key to some of their current difficulties. Most dysfunction is learned. People often learn to cope with the unhealthiness in ways that work for them. These ways…

Over the years I’ve had several clients were diagnosed with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. I’ve also counseled several family members affected by loved ones’ OCD. OCD is classified as an anxiety disorder characterized by either obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors or both.  My clients have been on a spectrum from minimal dysfunction to pretty serious dysfunction. A couple of them needed…

” Every thought takes you somewhere. Choose thoughts that take you where you want to go.” ~ unknown  Thoughts race in and out all day long; all night long. The mind is powerful…. Junk in, Junk out! Pay attention to your thoughts because negative thoughts are stronger than positive … so we don’t entertain negativity….negativity is strong but you and I are much, much stronger! 💪💪💪  Barbara our…

I once went to a workshop given by a former social work teacher I admired.  I approached her at the break and was surprised that she recognized me and called me by name. She asked how I was doing.  I briefly told her that my job was a drag and that I wasn’t seeing much progress with the recently incarcerated clients with whom I was working. I also told her I had started doing some volunteer work…

Have you come across arrogant or egotistical people? They’re usually in it for themselves. Why are you “in it?”  Did you know you can be humble and still have a healthy sense of self?  In humble people there’s a balance between the focus and caring for others as well as self. Balance. Peace, John Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What…