#came

My husband (33) came home from work and I (36) barely got a hello. He was at work all day and didn’t answer one text from me. The second he took his shoes off and walked into the kitchen he started lecturing me about how I am instilling fear into our toddler when it comes to tornados. This is the same lecture I hear every time our toddler brings up being afraid of tornados or tornados in general. I told him to calm down and I hope he had a good day and there is no need to bring it up. He got visibly upset and stomped away. He sat in the bathroom for an hour while I took care of the kids. I then brought it up again when the toddler was in the bath. Am I over reacting for brining it up again and telling him he came in too hot? He told me to fuck off. I am just over the attitude and I feel like it needs to be confronted head on. I know he won’t talk to me for the next few days because of this but I just want to know am I overreacting?

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “WTF. No, you did not overreact. But he did. Massively. If he gives you the silent treatment, then you know you've got two toddlers.”

Notable comment: “NOR- 1. explaining tornadoes to a kid is hard to do without the potential to scare them. 2. I find it very concerning that he 1- told you to fuck off and 2- won’t speak to you for a few days over this? That’s not the way you talk to a partner. If he had this notion in his head, he could’ve sat down with you like an adult and had a conversation with you. This reaction of his + not messaging you all day over “tornadoes” seems fishy to me and I’d bet something deeper is going on. Could be a number of things like work stress or maybe bills or maybe not enough sleep or could be something else entirely. If this is a regular occurrence though—the cussing at you and giving you the cold shoulder for DAYS? Hon, reevaluate your situation. Don’t let your children grow up seeing their mom get walked on and cussed at. Boys need to be taught how to treat people and girls need to be taught not to let someone treat you(and in the future themselves) as their napkin.

And you having to ask if you are overreacting for asking him not to come in so angry, that’s a problem. You shouldn’t even be second guessing this—definitely NOR but HE IS.

I’m so angry for you. 😢”

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We've been together for 5 years. Never had a reason to doubt her, not once.

Then last week she comes home and hugs me and I get hit with this smell. At first I thought maybe I was tripping , like maybe it was something in the room or whatever. So I kind of let it go.

Then it kept happening.

It's not subtle either. It's a pretty distinct men's cologne, not anything I own ,A couple times it was on her jacket, once it was on her neck area. Like.... come on.

I haven't said anything yet because I genuinely don't know how to bring it up without it turning into a whole thing. And part of me is hoping there's some explanation I'm not thinking of , crowded subway, coworker walked past her, whatever. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because five years is five years.

But also I'm not stupid.

This has been going on for almost two weeks now. And the worst part isn't even the suspicion ....... it's that she acts completely normal. No weird behavior, no defensiveness, nothing. Which almost makes it worse? Like either she has zero idea, or she's really comfortable.

Do I bring it up directly? Do I wait and see? Has anyone actually been through this and had it turn out to be nothing?

Am I overreacting?

Reddit consensus: OVERREACTING (YOR) (68% confidence)

Top comment: “youre not really overreacting, but has she switched any of her perfumes, haircare or body products lately?”

Notable comment: “YOR. For right now at least. Look, I obviously can’t say that cheating is 100% the wrong answer. It’s just I feel like a smell isn’t necessarily great proof, you know? There’s so many explanations that one could have for this. I mean I occasionally buy men’s fragrances for myself to use, I like the way some smell and I like feeling more masculine/androgynous sometimes. I also occasionally buy men’s deodorant or soaps, which can have a similar effect. It could also be a smell from a place she hangs out, maybe work. Maybe a store she visits? Or some other place. It could also be a scent that belongs to her that just smells different by the end of the day. I had a floral perfume once that was cheap, and it would fade into a more musky scent as the day went on (I do not remember which perfume it was, it was like some generic TJ Maxx perfume).

Probably be best to ask her about it. If you’re worried about coming across as accusatory, then just ask about her perfume or shampoo or something. “Hey babe I noticed you smell different recently, did you try something new?” You could also just ask for details about her day and where she’s been, but like as if you’re just making regular conversation. Not like full on interrogation mode.”

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