#tell

So a bit of backstory before I get into the actual situation

Me (19F) and my bf (20M) have known each other since mid 2022, dating since march 2023 then he broke up with me in summer 2025 claiming he fell out of love. Surprisingly the breakup didn't hit me that hard - I was mostly disappointed with how cowardly he handled the situation. I noticed that something was off and I had to get the information out of him that something was indeed going on. After 2 years of telling him I'm there for him and that he can tell me anything. And to just tell me straight up because I hate it when people play stupid games instead of just being direct. So even though I wasn't angry at him, I was just disappointed with his behaviour.

He messaged me again around May this year and we started chatting. We were friendly at first and honestly I forgot how good it felt to talk to him, I missed having him around at least as a friend. Our interests are very similar so having someone that actually understands what I'm yapping about was great. I was sure we were just going to be friends but a couple days later he asked me to get back together. At first I was hesitant but then I realised that the feelings I had for him never left. Once again, I couldn't resist him anymore, even over text. We decided to meet up irl to officially talk everything through and decide if we wanna get back together. In the meantime we were texting so much and I was falling deeper and deeper for him as if nothing ever changed and when we finally met up it was pretty obvious that we were, indeed, getting back together.

I made sure to address our previous breakup, we talked about it extensively and he assured me it would never happen again. Basically, turns out he actually didn't fall out of love - he was in a horrible place mentally and with apparently other family members also complaining about me he gaslit himself into thinking he has no feelings for me anymore. Personally, I think this is the stupidest reason for a breakup in history but, sure, at least it wasn't anything drastic. I figured it'd take me a while to build up my trust towards him again but otherwise I wanted to give us another shot. He assured me that this will never happen again and I always placed emphasis on him being honest with me about anything. That if he has something to say to just say it and I'll listen - not guaranteed that I'll automatically do something about it but I'll take it into consideration. I'm a very stubborn person tbh and not one to make changes easily, especially when it's others pushing it and it's not coming from within.

Everything was going fine, amazing even, until about this Saturday when he stopped talking out of nowhere. Zero WhatsApp activity for like 2 days straight. Naturally, I was worried because, well, who wouldn't? I figured he's not physically in danger since he lives with his parents so if anything was wrong they'd take care of it. But I was still worried - what if his mental health was going to shit again, what if I did something wrong? He wasn't texting on any other groupchats either from what I've seen so I got worried. After like 2 days he sent me a text that nothing was happening but I honestly didn't find it too convincing. Surely SOMETHING was happening since he wasn't responding? I figured maybe his parents need his help a ton with something but if that's the case, why not tell me that? I was desperate for answers and kept texting him 2-3 times a day - I didn't wanna be too annoying if he actually was doing something he needed to focus on but still trying to get him to at least tell me what's going on. He later sent me another message that nothing is happening, zero answers and at this point I was pretty annoyed with him. Yesterday I didn't even send him a goodnight message because I was just angry at him but also insanely worried. Truthfully, I was partly afraid of another situation like our last breakup. And was angry that he couldn't tell me what was going on.

He finally messaged me today (wednesday) telling me that he passed his finals (the results were announced today). I congratulated him (honestly I'm so proud of him for that) but still continued to ask him to tell me what was going on these past few days. He didn't respond to those messages and instead asked to talk on voice chat. So I hopped on discord and for a good 10-20 minutes he was telling me about his day and I was honestly just waiting for him to tell me what the fuck was that. He finally told me that him and my online best friend noticed that something was wrong because I wasn't texting as much and was playing genshin all day instead of doing stuff related to my interests (for example there's an optiplex I wanted to turn into a server for a while now but I haven't had the time and/or energy lately. It also doesn't help that I'm a chronic procrastinator). It's true that I've been playing genshin a lot because.. well, I finally can. Since around mid may to 20th something June I was working on catching up on my schoolwork after basically ignoring it for an entire year. So I was speedrunning the entire year and I BARELY passed while also getting a 6 (highest grade) in physics somehow. Yes I know I brought this entirely on myself and I was fully prepared to just repeat the year but.. somehow I don't have to? I'm surprised I managed that tbh. But after that I've mostly been just playing genshin all day and meeting up with my bf as often as possible. I was exhausted after that speedrun and I'm disappointed in myself I didn't do much but that's my problem, right?

My bf told me that it was his idea to basically cut contact with me for a few days because... He thought it would spark that motivation in me that I had before? I'm still failing to understand the logic if I'm being honest. I haven't even paid that much attention to my friend doing that too, I figured he was busy with something and the groupchat we usually use has another friend of mine so it wasn't completely silent.

However, if anything, it had the opposite effect. I couldn't reach my bf, let alone meet up irl so I was spending even more hours in genshin. It's an easy source of dopamine for me, where I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something and I actually feel like an expert in a field, even if it's just a video game. And, again, I missed grinding like this for hours on end even if it is in excess. Though realistically, is there much of a difference whether I spend 10h in genshin or in a terminal window? I'd probably prefer the latter but I didn't have the energy for it so I took the shortcut to get said dopamine.

He also told me that he was scared I was becoming a no-life who only goes downstairs to grab a drink/snack which I suppose is kinda true but, again, could've just asked me to go out if the didn't want me spending my time in front of a computer. And I have to lock the fuck in next year anyways so I at least wanna enjoy the time before I have to do that, right?

But, yeah, he told me all that after the "experiment" was over. It honestly hurt me a lot that he didn't trust me enough to bring it up normally, instead was playing games to get me to do something, as if that'd actually work. After emphasizing honesty for this long he does.. that? I'm honestly just hurt. Not even angry. I'm just sad that he doesn't trust me enough to actually bring it up. There hasn't been one instance of him telling me that maybe I should do something other than genshin - and he'd be right. I agree, I have a ton of other shit to do but I'm perpetually exhausted and I wish I could do something about it.

I said that I'm disappointed he didn't tell me that straight up like.. that was pretty much my only complaint - lack of communication. But he brought up that whenever he suggests something I immediately shut it down. From my perspective it's not true, it's only when he's pushing for me to do something that I'd already rather not do. There have been multiple insta...

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (88% confidence)

Top comment: “NOR- dump him”

Notable comment: “Nah, thats bull. Like you said, he never even vocalized he was worried about your gaming habits. To jump to that extreme so quick is not right. He has issues and hes taking it out on you. You don't just ghost your partner. NOR and dump him”

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I have been speaking to a man for the past six months. For context, he loves to game in his spare time and he has a very ……colourful vocabulary as a result (yes, that also includes slurs). Gaming context? Doesn’t bother me. Today, I found out a major line had been crossed.

He told me he had yelled the N word to a child who had been playing knock door run at his door (he’s physically disabled but very independent) for the past three days.

As soon as I found out, I lit up on him. Doesn’t matter what the kid did, he should NEVER have yelled the N slur (yes, hard R) to the child.

I was calm on call but the minute it ended the anger started rising - that’s a child! There was a knock on the door so he ended it

I’m wondering if I overreacted for going off on him

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (98% confidence)

Top comment: “You underreacted.

You aren’t done reacting.

Keep going”

Notable comment: “NOR- My husband was an avid gamer when we got together and still plays, and not once in 18 years have I **ever** heard him or any of the guys he’s actually friends with online use racial slurs, and the other players who do get kicked out of the lobbies they play in or ganged up on *extremely* quickly. Sure the vocabulary and insults get colorful, but it’s always in a funny way with no real anger or malice behind it.

And If he’s the kind of gamer who gets genuinely angry and screams and rages over a game that’s another glaring red flag.

I’ve never met a gamer who ***only*** uses slurs when they game, it’s either a part of their vocabulary or it isn’t and if they’re comfortable saying it while playing they absolutely will say it in real life too.”

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Constantly seeing posts here along the lines of "AIO my boyfriend sometimes does this thing" or "AIO I don't know what to do about this thing"

Seems like many posts are just waiting for other people to tell them what to do or how they "should" react. Kind of sad really.

Not many posts on topic for the sub

Reddit consensus: OVERREACTING (YOR) (67% confidence)

Top comment: “YOR.”

Notable comment: “YOR.

Haha. I see this all the time.

OP explains what someone did or said in great detail and then asks if they are overreacting without explaining how they are actually reacting.

You and I are just anal retentive when it comes to detailed written communication. But honestly, it's usually not hard to figure out the context of how OP is reacting even if OP didn't lay it out there so that's the way I lean when I answer if I feel inclined to do so.

If someone weren't upset or fearing overreacting, they wouldn't be posting on this sub.”

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Throwaway account because my friends know my normal one.

Hey reddit, so recently me (27NB) and a group of my friends went on a group trip to Barcelona, and over the trip i started to develop feelings for one of the guys, i’ll call him Tom. During the week away we got to talking a lot more, went on a couple sunset walks on the beach as just the two of us and i could’ve sworn at one point he gave me the look like he was going to kiss me, but chose not to.

I’ve never really felt this sort of romantic attraction to someone before, let alone someone this close to me, so my immediate thought was to talk to my best friend in the group, Eleanor (28F). I let her know how i was feeling and she doesn’t speak for a hot second, only replying with “oh, cool.” and a sort of forced smile.

I was kinda confused, thinking she’d be supportive of me but she seemed to have a problem with the whole situation. This tone continued over texts, where before we would send paragraphs of texts to each other she was giving me short answers and ending her texts in literal full stops. (just tell me your mad jesus…)

Eventually i get it out of one of our other friends that she has some sort of issue with it, but doesn’t want to tell me. I thought, “fine, if she’s going to not tell me her issue i just won’t talk to her about it anymore. Better yet, why talk at all”. So i haven’t messaged my best friend in about a week. Tension in the group is rising, and people are telling me to just talk to her and act like everything is normal even though it’s very much not.

For clarity, no i haven’t told the rest of our group, just eleanor and jane (the other woman) so they don’t know our situation, just that we’re arguing. So, reddit, am i overreacting by not talking to my friend or should i continue giving her the silent treatment until she tells me her problem.

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “NOR. But I think you need to talk to your friend.

She's obviously disturbed that you & Tom are starting to get close. You need to find out why.

* Is it because she has a crush on him, and she's peeved that he's beginning to make moves on you? * Is it because she & Tom have history, and she's unhappy that he's moving on? * Is it because she knows something unsavory about Tom, and she's worried that he will hurt you? * Is it something else entirely?

Ask her.”

Notable comment: “NOR, it’s not your responsibility to fix her problem.

My guess is that her “issue” is that she’s liked him for a while and thinks on some levels that this is a betrayal, but her refusal to communicate is shitty because it’s unlikely she doesn’t realize that she is essentially punishing you for something you didn’t know/making you worry it’s something serious.

If you \*want\* to try, I would shoot her a message saying, “We could talk at any time if you want to be honest with me. It’s not fair to freeze me out for something I don’t know.” but that’s entirely up to you. The rest of them should deal, or talk to her. Maybe if she freezes them out too they’ll get the picture.”

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