#ellista

As requested by @captain-minnette. :)

Let's say that Cosmere characters found themselves reading this very blog. How might they react to that?

1. TenSoon

TenSoon: Hm. She claims that I am one of her favorite characters. TenSoon: And yet, I rarely appear. TenSoon: ...Which is exactly what I would want, if given the choice. TenSoon: ... TenSoon: Maybe she DOES favor me.

2. Kaladin

Kaladin: It's not that the content offends me. Kaladin: But no one could read this version of Kaladin and think it is truly how I act. Or how I speak. Or how I think. Syl: Kal, Kal, I have to read you this one--it's soooooo you! Kaladin: ... Kaladin: That's probably just Syl teasing me. Syl: [crying with laughter] It's like looking in a mirror of your soul!

3. Ellista

Ellista: So you can...take characters from a story and just make them do whatever you want them to? Ellista: Stretching the limits of their character as you want? Ellista: And making them d-date the people you want them to date?? Ellista [clutching her book to her chest]: A whole new world just opened up for me!

4. Steris

Steris: The author seems to have mistaken me for the most interesting member of our little gang. Steris: When anyone could see that I am the least. Steris: Well, she's surely the only one making THAT mistake.

5. Susebron

Susebron: To be honest, I like the beautiful world she paints. Susebron: Where I get to go out and do things and meet people and eat lots of food with my wife. Susebron: She seems to think I'm adorable. Siri: You ARE adorable. Susebron: I like how she writes you too!

6. Raboniel

Raboniel: Through her lists, we can determine her threat level. Raboniel: It is zero. Raboniel: However, I have noticed that the author likes large, powerful women. See: her constant lustful comments regarding Leshwi. Raboniel: She also enjoys violence and epic fight scenes. Rabonei: And giant swords. Raboniel: We can conclude that her wife--who is presumably a seven-foot-tall, muscular warrior--is the true threat.

7. Spook

Spook: I'm ready. Spook: I was an overdramatic youth who wore a blindfold and became a savant and had a one-sided crush on the Ascendant Warrior. Spook: I am ready for the mockery she surely brings me. Spook: ... Spook: I never appear?! Kelsier: I think she's afraid of your street slang.

8. Shallan

Shallan: I am not trying to be cruel, but-- Shallan: It's not very accurate lingustically. Shallan: There is so much of what I assume must be her own slang? And swears? Shallan: We just don't talk that way. Adolin: We kinda talk that way in Wind and Truth. Shallan: ...You have a point there.

9. Szeth

Szeth: To whom is she bound, that she is forced to fulfill the requests of her readers? Nightblood: Maybe she does it for fun? Szeth: Bound...to fun? Szeth: ... Szeth: Horrifying.

10. Hoid

If Stormlight characters had access not only to TVs but also to a TV-watching culture eerily similar to our own, what would they be like?

Shallan: Keeps thinking that she can watch just one more episode...

Kaladin: Doesn't watch a LOT of TV...but when he does he binges the entire show all at once without stopping

Dalinar: Likes to savor his shows by watching just one episode a night (or sometimes half an episode if he falls asleep on the couch)

Jasnah: Prefers weekly shows so that everyone can analyze it to death and share their theories (she's on forums)

Renarin: Likes to rewatch his favorite shows

Sadeas: Mostly cares about keeping up with the current popular shows so that he can dominate any TV-related conversations

Ialai: Mostly cares about keeping up with the current popular shows so that she can "accidentally" spoil people who displease her

Lirin: Remembers when Netflix used to mail out DVDs and thinks it was better that way

Rock: Likes to host big viewing parties

Lopen: Always talks through the WHOLE episode

Adolin: Unabashedly likes "trash" TV--especially the part where you gossip about it

Raboniel: Prefers limited-run "prestige" TV

Elhokar: Binges shows because he is terrified of getting spoiled

Hoid: Doesn't care about being spoiled

Venli: Wants to be the person who discovers a cool new or old show and starts a trend

Eshonai: Keeps being the person who discovers a cool new or old show and starts a trend

Navani: Goes online immediately after the episode ends to read analyses of it

Syl: Is always keeping up with like five shows at once

Ellista: Really just prefers the fanfiction

As requested by @genderselkiera :)

I don't know if fanfiction exists in the Cosmere (has anyone asked Sanderson yet?). But if it did, here is my take on whether various Cosmere characters would be interested. [Full disclosure: I do not myself read fanfiction, despite arguably writing it. I didn't know it existed until, well, graduate school, when I read some because the girl I had a crush on wanted me to. Since then, not so much.]

(Also, cosmereplay & I did one about them reading Cosmere fanfic specifically! Link here.)

1. Jasnah: No

"If I wanted to read fanfiction," Jasnah would say, "there are certain historians I could reread." (She thinks it's frivolous.)

2. Raoden: Yes

He especially likes the ones that bring back a character who died in canon, especially through fun or unlikely means.

3. Galladon: Not often

Galladon doesn't really see the point of fanfiction; it's not like it changes what happens in canon! He will, however, sometimes read one that Raoden begs him to.

4. Vivenna: No

At first, it did not occur to Vivenna that deviations from canon existed, and when she realized that they did, her general attitude was "Huh! Anyway."

5. Yumi: Yes

At first, it did not occur to Yumi that deviations from canon existed, and when she realized that they did, her general attitude was "I WILL READ THEM ALL."

6. Ellista: Yes

Ellista the Ardent is obviously BUILT for fanfiction: writing it, reading it. If it doesn't yet exist on Roshar, she will probably invent it.

7. Dalinar: No--he only writes it

The call of the explicit self-insert fanfiction about Nohadon is too strong: How could Dalinar not write it?

8. Painter: Yes

Fanfiction for Seasons of Regret is VERY popular.

9. Elend: No

I'm not sure Elend even reads fiction?

10. Lyn: Yes

Lyn especially likes the ones that take an underdeveloped female character and make her the star.

11. Tress: Yes

Tress is out there in canon essentially writing cup fanfics in her head. She would definitely read it if she could.

12. Shallan: Yes

Shallan is out there recrafting the pasts & futures of real people through her Ideal Self drawings. I don't see why she wouldn't also like fanfiction.

13. Radiant: No

Radiant understands that Shallan likes and needs fanfiction. But Radiant feels that her time could be better spent doing other, useful things. That's all.

14. Veil: Yes

Veil is there to read the stuff that's a little too racy for Shallan.

15. Hoid: Yes

Hoid has part of his breath memory bank devoted to his favorite ones, I'm sure.

16. Syl: Yes

Especially when Syl doesn't care for the canon couple, she likes to read endless fanfiction where the guy gets the girl SHE thinks he should have.

17. Shai: Not often

Mostly, Shai finds herself getting a little bit annoyed at how little worldbuilding and planning goes into some fanfics. You can't just SAY that they work at a coffee shop now: You need to have all the details of their life exhaustively planned out to get them there!

18. Allrianne: Yes

The great thing about fanfiction is that characters can simply have the emotions you want them to have--you don't even have to work to riot them!

19. Evi: Yes

In fact, Evi thinks that fanfiction and canon are equally important parts of the experience of a book/show, an attitude that confuses almost everyone she talks to.

20. Kadash: Yes

The good thing about becoming an Ardent is that you can read all the fanfiction you want, even the soppy stuff, and no one can say anything about it. (Yes, he read Dalinar's fanfic. He didn't like it.)

21. Mraize: No

Mraize likes to hunt down fanfics that have never before been read, and then he downloads them. But he never actually reads them. It's just about the hunt.

22. Wayne: Yes

Wayne doesn't see why you'd want to read about just one version of someone's life when you could read dozens instead.

23. Dilaf: No

Canon divergence is basically heresy!

24. Hrathen: Yes

Sometimes to get a convert, you need to drop the name of a popular ship to show that you're cool. It's fine.

25. Amaram: Well...

As requested by anon :)

I asked @cosmereplay to collab with me on this anon's request, and happily, she agreed! Basically, I've written the fanart parts of this, and Cosmereplay has taken care of the fanfic parts since I, ah, don't read fanfic and wouldn't know the really good jokes.

1. Shallan, Adolin, & Kaladin Read Fanfic

Shallan (reading tags): Hmmm...ace Kaladin, aromantic Kaladin, bisexual Kaladin, bottom Kaladin (I'll have to look into that one later...), demisexual Kaladin, demiromantic Kaladin, dom Kaladin... Adolin: What are the relationship tags like? Shallan: Let's see... blushes thoroughly OH LOOK KALADIN/SLEEP! THAT'S SO SWEET! Oooh...Kaladin/Happiness! Kaladin: Everybody's a critic. Adolin: They just want you to be happy, Kal! Kaladin: I-I'm fine most of the time!

2. Elend & Vin Look at Fanart

Elend: Wow! Stunning! Magnificent! Vin (peering over his shoulder): Uh, Elend, I think you're supposed to be looking at art of yourself. Those are all pictures of me. Elend: Can you blame me?? I mean look at you here! Vin: I suppose I look...somewhat cool there. Elend: Ascendent, I'd say!

3. Ellista and Pai Read "Covenant" by liesmyth

Ardent Ellista: Oh you HAVE to read this one, it's the most popular Cosmere fic by kudos! Kaladin Stormblessed and Highprince Adolin are soulmates, it's so sad yet hopeful! Ardent Pai: I bet it doesn't even mention their class differences. Ardent Ellista: No it totally does! And it really gets in the way of them kissing!! Ardent Pai: Well maybe I'll take a look then.

4. The Kholin Family Look at Fanart: Part 1 (Dalinar & Navani)

Jasnah (slamming a large tome onto the table): All right, everyone. I've finished my extensive research into the fanart of our family. Jasnah: Dalinar, according to my findings, people on the internet find you (a) extremely sexy and (b) wish you to be shirtless on the beach. Jasnah: There is also extensive interest in you being strong but vulnerable in the face of Odium, which I believe goes back to point (a), your assumed sexiness. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I see. Jasnah: Navani, the residents of the internet desperately wish to see you explore women as romantic/sexual options. Navani: ...In general, or specific women? Jasnah: Mostly Ialai and Raboniel, from what I have seen. You can see here, and here. Navani: Sure, makes sense. Dalinar: (Does it??)

5. Sigzil & Lopen Read Fanfic

Sigzil: Bridge Fourgy? Ohhh... oh no... Lopen: Well now you GOTTA read it, gancho! Sigzil: I will burn it is what I will do.

6. Hoid & Design Look at Fanart

Hoid: (huffing and harumphing) Design: Well, I think the art is nice! Hoid: (harumphing and huffing) Design: The colors are spot-on, there's some symmetry... Hoid: (muttering) I've been involved in practically every Cosmere-significant event...I tell stories with colors and magic imagery...I beat up Kelsier that one time... Hoid: But nooooo they only want to draw me in the Mare shirt with mismatching socks and sandals!!! AND TINY RED SHORTS Design: Wow, look at my boobs in this one! They're so round and shiny! Hoid: ...I feel like you are not sympathizing with me here.

7. Rushu & Jasnah read "The Princess and the Captain" by ailvara

Rushu: Your Majesty I looked into the most popular fanfic by hits and discovered it's an ongoing slowburn romance between you and, uh... well... Jasnah: Out with it, Rushu. Rushu: You and Kaladin Stormblessed. Jasnah: Me? And Kaladin?? But he's half my age! And we've done nothing but argue! Rushu (blushing): I think that's part of the appeal, Your Majesty. Jasnah: Give me that. (reading) Well if he said THAT then maybe I wouldn't have... hm... Rushu, cancel my appointments for the next hour, I need to finish this. Rushu: Of course, Your Majesty! (sotto voice) Thank goodness she still doesn't know about the Hoid foot fics...

8. The Kholin Family: Part 2 (Adolin & Renarin)

Jasnah (continuing to leaf through her large book of findings): Adolin, according to my research, the internet thinks that you are a handsome, sweet man who wishes to be with his friends. For example, here. Jasnah: It is mostly you, Shallan, and Kaladin, however you want to read that. Adolin: As...reality? Jasnah: Renarin, if you are not suffering emotionally alongside a stained glass motif, or suffering emotionally as a child alongside Dalinar, then you are with Rlain. Renarin: With him as in...? Jasnah: Yes. Renarin: ... Renarin: I thought we were being fairly subtle! Jasnah: You were not.

9. Moash & Leshwi Read Fanfic

Moash: What are the fics about me like? Leshwi: Well, you either die a violent, horrible death or you make tender love to... Leshwi: ... Leshwi: ...Kaladin Stormblessed? You know him? Moash: Ok so here's the thing

10. Moash & Kaladin Look at Fanart

As requested by @asteroidfieldgame :)

Sure, in their own stories the villains are not well-liked by the majority of the cast. But if we took those villains and had them meet protagonists of other Cosmere novels...well, then it might be different, mightn't it?

[Here there be spoilers! I would skip any entry if you're not caught up on all the books for both characters involved!]

1. Moash: Supported by Kelsier

Kelsier: [holding Moash protectively ala that one meme with Kevin Hart] Kelsier: My boy Moash has LITERALLY never done anything wrong ever! Kelsier: Ooooh, did he kill his oppressors? Is he mean to poor helpless nobility? Did someone Rich experience a Consequence? Moash: (mumbling) I did try to drive my friend to suicide. Kelsier: Shh...baby boy, it's okay! Kelsier: I made my disciple advocate for old people to kill themselves with spikes to preserve their power! Kelsier: You're literally fine.

2. Odium: Supported by Harmony

Harmony: Listen, I'm not saying I agree with everything Odium does. Harmony: But making it so that you have a planet of mighty, battle-hardened residents to prepare for the coming Cosmere-wide conflict? Harmony: Sometimes I wonder if I should have done something more like that. Harmony: Instead of giving everyone an easy life and making giraffes because giraffes are neat. Odium: Have you considered...battle giraffes? Harmony: Please don't patronize me.

3. Hrathen: Supported by Ellista (that one Ardent who was really into romance novels)

Ellista: I am not immune to a handsome man in bloodred armor with a troubled past whose hard, mean exterior is slowly worn away through love. Ellista: A man who chooses love--unrequited love!--over his own god! Ellista: Problematic for an Ardent like me, but so, so compelling. Ellista: (sighs dreamily) Hrathen: ... Hrathen: Could I have someone else's support please?

4. Riina [from Tress]: Supported by Wayne

Wayne (counting off reasons on his fingers): One, if you're gonna be the sort to be giving out curses, giving out breakable curses makes you less of an unforgivable villain and more of a garden-variety dick. Wayne: Two, rats are cute. Makin' someone a rat is better 'n' making them a grub or something. Wayne: Three, and most importantly, her penis spaceship is hilarious. Riina: IT WAS NOT A PENIS SPACESHIP

5. The Lord Ruler: Supported by Dalinar

Dalinar: I suppose I am simply more aware than most that being a king is hard and can involve less-than-ideal-choices. Dalinar: And didn't he essentially become immortal while trying to cage an evil god and save his planet? I am literally setting myself up to maybe experience that as we speak. Dalinar: I know he took an entire population and made them slaves, but I did tell Jasnah not to free our slaves so, like... Dalinar: ... Dalinar: Maybe Wit was right. Maybe I AM a tyrant. Wit: You've never done an enforced breeding program with humans, though. That I know of. The Lord Ruler did that! Like, a lot! Dalinar: ... Dalinar: Wait I want to mitigate my support a little.

6. Taravangian: Supported by Shai

Shai: That Diagram of his...well, it's pure art, isn't it? Shai: I'm not immune to the appeal of incredibly complex and well-researched plans turned into an artistic representation so beautiful that it attracts worshippers. Taravangian: It's really more science than it is art, I'd say. Shai: Hilarious that you think those things are different.

7. Nale: Supported by Marasi

Marasi: He knows the law and follows the law. Marasi: Don't think it would ever occur to him that someone could be quote unquote "above" the law. Marasi: That makes him better than, like, quite a lot of my coworkers.

8. The Machine [from Yumi and the Nightmare Painter]: Supported by Vasher

Vasher: Obviously a soul-eating machine that nearly destroys a planet and turns people into nightmares is not ideal. Vasher: But it's not the machine's fault it was given an ill-considered Command. Vasher: Hey! Bald guy! Wanna gentle-parent the machine too? Szeth: Uh

9. Raboniel: Supported by Elend

Elend: Not for nothing am I chair of the Support Women's Wrongs fanclub. Elend: Nor can I fail to support a Woman in Science. Basic feminism. Elend: And although I know my bar is on floor, a parent who will do anything to save their child from eternal suffering gets me right here. (points to his heart)

10. Straff: Supported by...no one