#tress

Pattern feature requested by @patternmyson :)

Pattern is one lie-loving Cryptic. So in his opinion, who are his favorite liars across the Cosmere?

#10: Kaladin

"All windrunners are liars but Kaladin is my favorite! What is honor? It's a lie that humans agree to follow. Only they cannot decide what it is or what it means. A collective lie but a splintered one. Sometimes Kaladin almost seems to realize. But he cannot accept the lie or the truth. He's no lightweaver!"

#9: Tress

"To see the good in people--that's a lie, isn't it? Tress believes that she can see it and she insists on it until it becomes the truth. That is the power of a lie!"

#8: Raoden

"Mmmm, I like that Raoden embraced lies for their power. He became Spirit because Spirit was a lie more powerful than being Raoden. He let people believe the he could eliminate their pain and hunger. Mmm, because their belief in that lie had power."

#7: Steris

"Hmm, Steris's central lie is that she is useless and has nothing to offer. That is a lie that could attract a Cryptic! But also! Steris can see that customs and etiquette are themselves lies but with rules you can uncover. She might make a good Cryptic herself..."

#6: Kelsier

"He knows the smile is a lie but wears it like armor. A delicious and purposeful lie! Humans love lies, but they do not like to admit that they are lying. But Kelsier does! He likes to lie and he likes to know that it is a lie and he waits for it to become truth. Very unique, as humans go."

#5: Nikaro

"Mmmm...a strong, foundational, delicious lie. He lied so his friends would be happy, and then the lie broke, and then he lied to himself that the friendships were unrepairable, and he covered himself with the lies until they were smothering him. He needed to be someone else. To see the lies. And accept the truth. That is my favorite!"

#4: Vivenna

"Many versions of Vivenna, all of them from how other people see her. Yet she could not let them go. She had to try to be them, trying to be the lies. It was safer for her to be the lies--they were as her shield. Yes, she reminds me of Shallan! That is why I like her."

#3: Vin

"She found a power in an Alter, like Shallan! And she did not accept at first that the Alter was her, that she was both Vin and she was Valette also. But when she realized! The truth behind the lies gave her power. That is how lies should work!"

#2: Wayne

"Yes, I like Wayne because Wayne reminds me of Shallan! He does with hats what Shallan does with her drawings. But also his lies run deep. So convinced he is that he should be dead and is not worthy to be alive. Mmmm... His need to be useful and to be loved and to tell jokes--all from that one, central lie!"

#1: Shallan

The idiom "not my circus, not my monkeys" means you're going to mind your own business. But lately people have been playing with variations on that idiom, and now I am going to do the same thing but with Cosmere characters!

1. Lightsong

[not opening his eyes] "Not my circus. Not my monkeys."

2. Vasher

"Not my circus, but are those...? Yup. My monkeys. Dammit."

3. Tress

"Not my circus, not my monkeys, but soon? Soon they will be my monkeys. My friends."

4. Shallan

[Lying] "Not my circus, and I've definitely never seen those monkeys before."

5. Dalinar

"Not my circus, not my monkeys, but I am a man of principle. Very well. I shall claim these monkeys. I shall raise them as if they were my own."

6. Harmony

"Yes, my circus. Yes my monkeys. Me? Oh, I'm mostly staying out of it."

7. Gavilar

"My circus. My monkeys. My rules."

8. Kaladin

"That didn't' used to be my circus. Those didn't used to be my monkeys. But now--now I will protect them with my life."

9. Taravangian

"What? No, of course those aren't my monkeys. And of course that isn't my circus. I am but a simple old man. :)"

10. Telsin

"Soon my monkeys. Soon my circus. ...Those monkeys won't know what hit them."

11. Dusk

[Seeing mainlanders on Patji] "My circus, but not my monkeys. Where did those monkeys come from?"

12. Moash

"Not my circus, not my monkeys. But I've been observing that circus's labor practices and I'm not standing idly by!"

13. Azure

"Not my circus. Not my monkeys. But yes, they have sworn loyalty to me."

14. Wayne

[already putting on his monkey hat] "Not my circus. Not my monkeys. But when in monkey-ville..."

15. Lift

Cosmere characters as preschool teachers requested by @cosmereplay :)

Are you considering hiring a Cosmere character as a preschool teacher at your school? The question is: should you? Would they make good preschool teachers?

1. Kaladin

No!

Kaladin: These kids are rowdy. They don't listen to me. Kaladin: But...if I identify the biggest and meanest toddler and then defeat them in battle... Syl: Kaladin, no!

But also yes...

Third grade teacher: Um, Kaladin? At recess today a large and weirdly organized group of preschoolers surrounded and beat up a third grader who was bullying someone. Kaladin: Nice. Third grade teacher: ... Kaladin: I mean...I'll talk to them.

2. Shallan

Yes!

Shallan: It's art time, kids! Everyone, draw your favorite animal! Kids: [cheering]

But also no...

Shallan: Ah, that big yellow circle in the sky that you drew---is that your mother's deceased soul? Kid: T-The sun?? Shallan: .... Shallan: Oh yeah. That makes more sense.

3. Tress

No!

Tress: Class, it's science time! Class: [cheering] Tress: Now, many say that these chemicals are too dangerous for children, but...

But also yes...

Tress: Every year I notice that some kids don't seem to have school supplies or warm clothing. Tress: So I hold these "raffles," but I make sure that certain kids win. Tress: They get what they need, but with no guilt or shame! Tress: It's so fun to give gifts--no dragon needed!

4. Vin

Yes!

Vin: Class, today I brought in my large, fluffy, magically hypoallergenic dog! Class [cheering]

But also no...

Child: Miss Vin, where did you get your dog? Vin: Funny story, actually! I... TenSoon: [barking loudly to interrupt]

5. Wayne

No!

Wayne: Now, remember kids, it's not stealing as long as you leave something in its place!

But also yes...

Child: Knock! Knock! Wayne: Who's there? Child: Farts! Wayne (already giggling): Farts who? Child: FARTS FARTS Wayne: [roaring with laughter] That's such a good one!! Child: :-D

7. Malata

Yes!

Malata: Well, kids, we built up this magnificent city of blocks. Malata: AND NOW WE DESTROY IT!!!! Kids: [cheering]

But also no...

Malata: I saw that Henry wouldn't share with you. Malata: I have a five-step plan to help you destroy him. Child: I'm five! Malata: ... Malata: I have two-step plan.

7. Breeze

No!

Breeze: My cup? Oh, it's, um, grape juice, Breeze: (Technically true!)

But also yes...

All the kids are snoozing happily. Breeze: For a Soother, naptime is a breeze!

8. Raoden

Yes!

Raoden: Hmmm... I asked the school to buy the kids new art supplies, and the gave me a box of dry markers, recycled magazines, and a single glue stick. Raoden: ... Raoden: I can make this work.

But also no...