#did vent

✨️Corner✨️

Hihi! I saw some hate blogs posting system ask games. We don't stand for hate around here because everyone deserves a space for their system regardless of origin. Without further ado- here's our version uwu. Feel free to tag systems that are okay with ask games!!

-Presley

🛰-Do you have a large headcount?

👾-Do any alters in your system have typing quirks?

🚀-Does your system have any Non-human alters?

☄️-Is your system neurodivergent?

🔭-Does your system use neo Pronouns?

🌠-Do any of the alters in your system have dyed hair?

🌙-Are there any nonverbal alters in your system?

🪐-Do any in your system have any unique roles?

💫-Do your littles use 'little speech'?'

🌌-Does your system have little to no amnesia between switches

🌟-Does your system have fairly clear communication?

🌘-Do you have a large or complex headspace?

🛸-Do you have any fictives in your system? What about Factives?

👽-Does your system have any tics?

☀️-Is your system bad at masking?

✨️-Do any in your system have an accent?

🌎-Do any in your system speak in a different language?

☁️-Does your system use things like pluralkit and simply plural?

⭐️-Are you out about being a system?

Tags below the cut:

I hate knowing that if I ever do get diagnosed, I will be unable to get a driver's license, jobs will avoid hiring me, and overall it just dooms me.

I hate having friendships ruined because of my alters and THEIR actions. I hate knowing that at the end of the day we are the same person, it was still "me" who cut everyone off, and was mean to them.

I hate not being able to remember things. I hate forgetting my own name.

I hate questioning if I'm even a person sometimes. I hate questioning if anything in life is real or not.

I hate knowing that to everyone else, I'm broken.

I hate that I still need my headmates.

I KNOW I still need them, I KNOW I can't survive without them.

I hate knowing that this disorder that has caused me so much suffering is probably the only reason I'm still alive.

i sometimes will be dissociated and zoning out for a bit and then when i “come back” i hear the tail end of a sentence being thought but i didn’t know i was thinking and i can’t remember/hear the start or what it was about and it just goes quiet in your head instead

But there is a genuine horror to living with DiD. A horror grounded in realizing, acknowledging and accepting the sheer amount of chronic childhood trauma you went through. The lack of Personhood. Of narrative memories. Sometimes randomly “coming to” and being unsure of where or who you are and what you’re supposed to be doing. People you don’t recognize calling you by a name that’s not your own. The traumatic intrusions for triggers you have no recollection of or context for. A repressed memory rising to the surface, and then your memory and emotions are wiped before the memory can pop into consciousness like a bubble, and you’re left shaking and your heart is racing but you don’t remember why you were upset a moment ago. Trying to chase the memory gives you a headache. The random boughts of derealization when you doubt the very fabric of reality you’re living in. The ra dom boughts of depersonalization when you doubt the very existence you’re living in. Is that a memory, a dream, or a thought? If you think about something enough times, it can feel like it really happen. You can’t remember parts of your routine that you do every day.

During times of stress, your body, your life, it can all feel like an ill fitting shirt. You’ll be overcome with the sensation to rip and claw away at yourself, at the innate Wrongness, to give yourself room and relief. Except the Wrongness that doesn’t Fit Right is within you. You’ll be going away soon. And then there will be another You. A better You. One more equipped, better suited to adapt to the stress you Failed at. You’re a mark. A scar. Something that can’t be tolerated. You’ll become repressed. The Wrongness is the inherent repulsion that happens in DiD, when you become tethered to a moment in time in the system’s history. A closed chapter no one can ever look back on, for survival’s sake. For comfort’s sake. For sanity’s sake. Because this disorder is all about sweeping under the rug what the mind and heart can’t handle. Trauma that happened when you were too young, so you never became Whole. You’re just a bunch of fragmented selves. All of them disgusted and ashamed of each other for being Too Weak. That’s too much shame for a single person to carry. So it all gets dissociated away.

But it doesn’t make it go away. It’s just turning out the lights and insisting the monsters aren’t there because you can’t see them.

i don't get it. nothing is wrong. nothing happened. everything in my life is going well. except whatever the fuck is going on inside of my head.

nothing is making me happy. I'm not sad or angry either. I'm just numb.

none of my likes or interests do anything for me anymore.

I'm having an incredibly difficult time eating anything because it's all just meh.

i don't feel connected or attached to anything. not my body. not my relationships. not my life.

Find a quieter place

I find it helpful to go outside or on a short walk, possibly with some soft music or white noise.

Getting away from loud or overlapping sounds helps immensely

I also prefer dimmer lights or natural lighting when possible.

Hydrate

Water is essential for all bodily functions, including sensory and emotional regulation.

Have your preferred water bottle with you and sip slowly. Add flavouring or ice if desired

Eat something

Again, taking care of your needs is key

If possible, get a small snack and eat slowly. My system usually keeps oyster crackers with us. They’re bland but have a good amount of salt which is important for us, as we have POTS

Most of our overstimulation is caused by being hungry and not realising it

Identify irritating clothing

Is an article of clothing too tight? Are you too cold or too warm? Is something itching?

Once you’ve identified anything that’s uncomfortable, make any adjustments you can that will remedy the issue

These solutions don’t have to be conventional to be effective. Flipping socks inside out can prevent you from feeling the seams. Dabbing cool water on your wrist and/or ankles can help cool you down.

Stimming

Stimming, or self-stimulatory behaviour, can help calm you down.

Safely stimming can include tapping your fingers, chewing gum, rocking back and forth etc.

There are also stim toys and chewable necklaces for this purpose. I have recommendations if anyone needs them

Identify and Devise a Solution

What led you to feeling overwhelmed?

Write down, either physically or digitally, what caused this and start to plan a solution

If it is a problem with completing a task, We use an app called Goblin Tools. It’s free on the website and the app is $0.99, neither of which have ads. It has a to do list that uses AI to break down your task into steps. It also has a feature to identify tone in writing among other things.

Break down your plan into small, manageable pieces. You don’t need to do everything right now.

Final steps

Communicate your needs to others. If you need to adjust your environment or tasks to accommodate your needs, tell others clearly what you need and how they can help

Breathe. You’re going to be okay. You are not a failure for needing to take a break. You are not a failure for being unable to take on everything at once.