Im a 22 yr old girl from new york, and im burnt out. im chronically ill and still discovering diagnoses. im working in healthcare and burning out at my job. im mentally ill with depression, anxiety, ocd, borderline pd, and TSD (PTSD but i havent left the situation yet. at least that is my understanding of trauma and stressor disorder).
ive been managing all this largely by myself. im pretty independent and unfortunately have to keep a distance between my personal life and my family. and i can keep managing stuff on my own. but whats been breaking me recently is trying to help friends through stuff similar to what ive gone through.
ive been homeless, ive been and still am suicidal, ive been in a psych ward, ive been through an eating disorder, ive been tossed into the social services system... but some part of me accepted it as a fact for me. i knew i was capable of finding my way through it all. but seeing my friends-- vulnerable, inexperienced, and some disabled people-- be thrown into it makes me feel rage, depression, and burnout as i see how unfair it is to them and how different our situations are.
for context, i have some experience professionally and a lot more experience privately with navigating the healthcare system, to the point that it is becoming a special interest of mine. for the friends i will mention-- "A", "S", and "M"-- i primarily act like a care manager. i try to refer them to different services like housing, food resources, transportation, medical specialists, make appointments for them, advocate over the phone, try to create plans based on individual preferences, provide emotional/moral support by accompanying them physically or over-the-phone to difficult conversations or appointments, and overall be a friend who maintains constant contact and motivation. im not employed doing this or anything but i figure that someone decided to do the same for me. the least I can do is pay it forward.
as my thoughts return to how dark they used to be, i realize how disillusioned i am by our country and the world in general. im going to start talking about the things i have kept quiet so as not to discourage the people involved. i might also talk about my own experiences, because there are people who have shown me so much goodness that i didnt get to properly thank or repay.
honestly im just here as a last ditch effort to prevent or slow the burnout. maybe it will make me feel better or something. if not, i at least want to tell the stories of these people i care about so much and about the people who gave me their time and support when i needed it most.
