May 24
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you know, i don't remember
strange comic abt my face
It really does say a lot about how romanticized and theatricized alters are online when people go into denial or feel isolated for displaying the most textbook DID/OSDD symptoms.
Not knowing who's fronting, not knowing how many alters you have, not knowing when you switch, not knowing alters' names or why they formed, alters not having names, having no internal world or a very vague one, having no internal communication, struggling with external communication, experiencing alters as different overlapping states of self instead of separate people, hell even just experiencing amnesia.
These are all extremely common symptoms of DID/OSDD, especially when you're untreated or early in treatment. And yet they're all common reasons for why people feel like they don't belong in this community, because the reality of this disorder somehow doesn't conform to the online expectation.
How bad is the state of CDD awareness, even among those who proclaim to have it, that the most common manifestations of DID/OSDD are so underdiscussed that the majority of people with these conditions cannot find understanding even in a community meant for their disorder? When anything that doesn't play into the "alters are separate people and friends in your head" narrative is ignored and erased?
Dissociating at the family gathering like
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I hate delayed amnesia so much. I’ll go through a whole day thinking I’m “fine” and fully present, and then hours later it hits me like—wait… I don’t remember anything from today. It feels like my whole day just slips through my fingers.
I’d like to think I’m staying relatively co-conscious with our other alters/fragments, but then once they leave, I lose nearly—if not all—of the memory afterward. It’s so disorienting.
For the longest time, I truly believed I couldn’t have DID because I “didn’t have amnesia”.
Now, in my mind, amnesia meant everything sort of went black and you’d come to days later without a clue of what had happened or where you were. And while, that absolutely can be the case for some— it wasn’t for me.
Amnesia for me is much more complex. The gaps of memory I loose are patched together by the things that I do remember. My mind may omit half the day, but because I can remember the other half, it doesn’t feel as if I’ve lost any time truly. My mind worked overtime to hide how much time I was loosing, simply because if I knew, I don’t think the past version of myself would’ve handled it very well. </3
I suppose all this is to say that how amnesia presents itself is much more complex than most realize, especially when your brain is trying to protect you in its own weird way. It took me a long time to understand its true face… Q_Q