May 14
you know, i don't remember
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you know, i don't remember
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Something that always bothers me in mental health spaces is the fear of relating too much to each-other across the lines of different disorders. Too many times I've met people who are not dissociative systems, but have dissociative experiences (such as from BPD), and they trip over themselves saying "no no, I mean, I don't REALLY understand what you go through, my thing is totally different," and it makes me a little upset. Disorders are just clusters of symptoms packaged together in a certain way, that's why the names and criteria often change across DSM and ICD editions, and viewing them as entirely exclusive clubs where only they could possibly understand anything about each other isn't a particularly healthy way of seeing it. The lines between disorder labels are blurrier than you think. You are not being a bad person or overstepping for relating to symptoms of a disorder, or people with a disorder, without having their specific label. Very rarely (if ever, frankly) is there a symptom that can only occur in one disorder, or even one type of disorder. Psychosis can occur in countless circumstances. Dissociation and identity compartmentalization can occur in countless circumstances. It's better to focus more on your specific symptoms and building community with your fellow neurodivergent people, using the resources that help you regardless of if they were specifically made for your diagnosis, over worrying about whether or not you're "allowed" to relate to something or experience something similarly to someone else.
It really does say a lot about how romanticized and theatricized alters are online when people go into denial or feel isolated for displaying the most textbook DID/OSDD symptoms.
Not knowing who's fronting, not knowing how many alters you have, not knowing when you switch, not knowing alters' names or why they formed, alters not having names, having no internal world or a very vague one, having no internal communication, struggling with external communication, experiencing alters as different overlapping states of self instead of separate people, hell even just experiencing amnesia.
These are all extremely common symptoms of DID/OSDD, especially when you're untreated or early in treatment. And yet they're all common reasons for why people feel like they don't belong in this community, because the reality of this disorder somehow doesn't conform to the online expectation.
How bad is the state of CDD awareness, even among those who proclaim to have it, that the most common manifestations of DID/OSDD are so underdiscussed that the majority of people with these conditions cannot find understanding even in a community meant for their disorder? When anything that doesn't play into the "alters are separate people and friends in your head" narrative is ignored and erased?
Being a system is like one day you’re convinced that your abusers are actually good people and they never did anything bad to you and you’re just making it all up and the next day your brain will randomly decide to bless you with the memories of the fucking war crimes your abusers committed towards you while you’re waiting in a Tescos parking lot or some shit
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trauma so bad my coping mechanisms have names and pronouns
reason to live #17:
you'll move out of that place someday, i promise. your new house will be full of love and laughter and kindness.