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Hi lovelies!

It’s been quite a while!

I figured I should come on here and let yall know where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to. Long story short is that I haven’t been working on Memento Mori and the reason why is because I’ve been really happy lately.

Writing has always been my escape. Through my very dark depression, writing has been the way I can sort through my emotions and organize it into something beautifully vulnerable instead of overwhelming. Last year, I was at a low point where the characters I was writing was a reflection of my mental state.

I’m glad to say I’m in a different place now. I start medical school in a few months, I’m in love and loved by one of the best people I’ve ever met, my family is closer than ever, and I feel like my life is coming together in a way I could only dream of one year ago.

It’s hard for me to put myself back into the mental state needed to write a story like Memento Mori. I still love to write and do so all the time! But that story’s deep angst, that never ending turmoil (for now), it’s not a story I can immerse myself in because I wrote it with my own trauma and emotion in mind. The inner thoughts of MC reflected the ones I wouldn’t dare to say aloud.

Trying not to ramble so I’ll just say that maybe in the future I’ll write a different kind of story, one that ebbs and flows between angst and joy. For now though, I’m so happy to be living the life I do. I wake up now with a smile on my face despite what I’ve been through, I’m not escaping anymore.

I want to play a game with you all.

You have to make a new word by changing only one letter of the last word.

The Do’s & Don'ts of interacting w/ content creators, & other people you don’t know well mutually I slapped together for Twitter.

because of this most dark mages tend to work in very brightly-lit areas (either artificial light or outside in the daytime) to fuel their spells and wear and use lightly coloured clothes and tools so that they’re easier to see in the dimness their spells create, whereas light mages wear heavy, sometimes leaden robes (depending on the work being done) and the magical equivalent of welding masks to protect themselves from what can be an extreme amount of light, and sometimes other kinds of electromagnet radiation!

(Ofc I don’t hate the entire poly route!! Just wanted to see if my MC will be able to have Z for themselves)

Def not trying to add more angs in the story for V🫡 ||hides evil laughter|| can’t wait to meet everyone.

Hi honeybee! 🦋ꦿ

So I recently decided to lock V and Z's routes together in a poly route, so the two of them are not romanceable monogamously.

However....I'm given it more thought and I've decided to add a variance to the poly route.

V/Z/MC POLY ROUTE UPDATE 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

How do you like your angst? Charred? Raw? Medium-well? Would you like it deep-fried or grilled? Want it on ice? Salt on the rim? Save some room for dessert, of course.

As of now, there will be two ways to initiate the polyamorous relationship between V, Z and MC.

Or, as I've decided to call them, Angst and More Angst.

Angsty Route: As I've described before, you will lock in your romance with V first. MC can pretend you don't know that V is in love with Z, or you can try to bring it up. Either way, V will deny it, and the two of you can commit to a relationship (or something similar) You can be flirtatious with Z the whole time, but since they know you're dating V, Z will "reject" your advances for a while. MC will have to put in the work to get V to accept and admit they have feelings for Zero. After that, the two of you can together go to Zero and initiate the relationship. This is all very simplified, but this is what I have so far for this route (the less messy but still angsty one)

More Angsty Route: You will lock in your romance with V, but you two will not be dating. It will be casual hooking up, or, if your MC is not interested in intimacy, it will be flirtations and maybe some making out. On this route, Zero will accept and reciprocate MC's advances. However, V...V will be angsting watching MC put the moves on Zero. It will cause a strain on V and MC's relationship, as V is jealous that MC can enter their lives and so easily "take" Zero from them. V can't articulate why they're so upset, so it comes out as anger (and they practically bleed pining). On this route, MC can use V's jealousy and their stubbornness to ~gently~ push V into admitting that they're in love with Zero, and the three of you will develop a poly relationship. (Again, this is simplified, but this route is more messy drama and more angst, a bit less healthy than the other one)

All of this is subject to change, as I write and rewrite and reconsider and contemplate.

I hope this change in variation can account for all sorts of MC's!!! I'll let MC have some red flags as a lil treat.

Quick show of hands, if you plan to romance V and Z in the poly, which of these two routes would you choose?

I'm just curious! Okay i won't make this too long, so thank you lovely for letting me ramble and go on a whole separate discussion.

Hope you've had a good start to your week!! ｡･:*˚:✧｡

All my love,

hi again darlings!

so Zero speaks fluent French, was born and raised in France and everything.

Zero will slip into French when they’re frustrated, angry, or um…overwhelmed to keep it PG and I wanna include accurate French in my IF, but I speak 0 French and we know google translate is a damn mess.

I could always just say Zero is speaking in French and can let y’all decide whether MC can understand them or not, but where’s the fun in that?

Does anyone know of a good resource for accurate language translations?

In my head, Zero has the most melodic, light voice like why am I so down cataclysmic for them. I need Zero in a way that is detrimental to my health.

In a lot of if‘s it always feels like the other characters are just waiting around for the MC to pick one of them and it makes it feel like they don’t really have anything else going on? Or sometimes that they’re not their own character? So the idea that V is spending their time crushing and getting jealous and hopefully going to get together with Z if we don’t romance either one? makes them come across more real, i’ve seen it all the time where people lose their shit if the characters try to have a romance with anybody but the main character which is just ridiculous it’s the same type of thought process that makes it like you can’t have another relationship or remarry there can be only one and anything else can’t possibly be as real or important. like it could be a really fun game mechanic to have love rivals and have to compete , there was a harvest moon game where your romance options had rivals and if you didn’t romance them well enough or took too long they would get snapped up.

So anyway this is just a really long way for me to say I’m super interested in what you have going on and I can’t wait to read it.🖤

Happy Sunday, sunshine!

You have no idea how happy this message made me! And I'll have to check out that Harvest Moon game because you have me intrigued!!

I wanted to make the poly route a bit unique with MC not being the "center" of it. I've read more than a few IF's at this point, and although I love having stories be all about MC (because I love attention mwahaha), I wanted to step outside my own comfort zone.

Veronica/Vincent is canonically in love with Zero. And Zero does return their feelings, they just don't realize it at the start of Contra Spem Spiro. However, if both go unromanced, they will eventually begin a relationship, whether MC encourages it or not. MC can help speed along the process.

Actually, at the start of the story, Zero's very first kiss was with Veronica/Vincent. This is a fun fact for the two. Now, picture V, in love with Z, being asked to be Z's first kiss because Z trusts them and wants to know what kissing is like in case they die in the next few weeks. The pining..the ANGST I have planned for these two...

Even if one of the two is romanced, MC will see jealousy from the other (especially Veronica/Vincent). I'm still workshopping how monogamous relationships with Z and V will work, with these canon feelings in mind. A monogamous Z route is sounding more smooth-sailing than the monogamous V one. The poly route has even been through quite a bit of workshopping since the idea came to me!

"V, I'd never ask you to choose between me and Zero."

"Good. You wouldn't like the answer."

This is how V would react even when MC is romancing only them. Z is in V's bone marrow. They have been through hell together. The love they have for Z will never fade, and MC will have to be okay with that.

V would never cheat on MC, nor would they drop MC if Z said "I love you too and I want to be together." (The latter will not happen in the story. If V is romanced, Z will never realize that they return V's feelings, and instead just think they have a very intense, loving friendship.)

One element in Contra Spem Spiro that was important for me to include is that MC is only the main character of their story. We see things from their perspective, we make decisions for them and them only. We're one person among thousands of survivors around the world.

The other characters in CSS have lives that existed before they met MC! They've loved and been loved by others; they have hopes and dreams and close relationships.

I said this in the IF description, but this is a story of survival. MC is ordinary. There is nothing inherently "special" about them. Imagine if an alien invasion happened right now. We would all love to be the Katniss Everdeen of the story (I know I would hope to be), but in reality, we would all try to live and find things to live for.

I want MC and the other characters to feel real.

Of course, I know everyone has different tastes and i want to have something in the story for everyone.

I would say that if your MC wants to be a character's kind of "one and only love and the one I love most", the best romance options for you would be, well...anyone else other than Z or V. Those two are soulmates by any other name.

Did i mention that A was engaged at the start of the alien invasion? Is their fiancé even alive? Perhaps we'll find out...

Anyways, thank you again for your lovely message!!! I'm glad you're interested in the dynamics I'm establishing between characters, and I can't wait to update you guys as I go along!

I hope you're having a great weekend!! ♡♡♡

All my love,