Things that might have happened

you can just take it from their cart. its not their possession if they haven't bought it yet

if i were thrift shopping and you put your hands into my cart to take a unique handpicked item i was intending to purchase i would break your legs

Morgan & Morgan. For the people.

Fieger Law: All We Do Is Win

I don't have a picture, but our area is flooded with a dude holding a comedically large hammer and looking to sue the shit out of any truckers that have injured you.

This is just how lawyers are.

i’m not even kidding, until i was like nine or ten years old, i thought the chickenpox was one of those imaginary diseases people used to tell us about to scare us into washing our hands and staying away from sick people. i don’t know a single person around my age who has ever had chickenpox

Official back off post! 🐝

while I'm at it we really do need to be nicer to fat trans girls

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

hikes are very good yes but a deluxe hike is when you are accompanied by a freak with niche nature knowledge. they’re like omg stop there’s a horned valerian varmint beetle here and then you both get to crouch down and look at a bug like :)

for context this person claimed that Mitski bought them as a child sex slave and had them chained up in her dorm at college. and everyone just believed them for a few days

Forgotten but classic tumblr moment

#everyone had to help ruin a singer's career and life because contradicting someone having a psychotic break was mean :(#the fact this happened in 2019 confirms to me that people lost interest in the concept of objective reality well before covid