Noping out

Evelyn: “We dig up dead people who often have monstrous curses placed on them!”

Rick: *grabs sword from equally ominous looking wall full of weapons one of which seems to be glowing* fantastic I was getting a bit rusty

Rick: Have I mentioned how wonderful my wife is yet, I really feel like I haven’t really expanded enough on how wonderful she is

Gomez: do go on, I would be delighted to hear about how wonderful your wife is, I strongly encourge all men to extoll the virtues of their wives with rapturous praise, however I should perhaps mention my wife is in fact better

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

The owner of the drone was so impressed by the brilliant attack that he suggested organizing a competition for bringing down “dragons” with short spears next year.

On the seventh day of May in the year of 2016 on hither spot the mighty warrior Ulf hath slain a dragon with his spear.

Yue Qi finds little baby Shen Jiu and like no one can tell he's a plant baby it's not really something people can tell without going through cultivation techniques

So Shen Jiu's father yeah? It's Shen Yuan, a peak lord of Cang Qiong Mountian Sect, of the beast peak to be exact. Shen Yuan had absolutely no idea that he had at one point bled on a child bearing flower and made a child.

So imagine what would happen when Yue Qi gets to the sect. And he sees Shen Yuan.

Imagine Yue Qi absolutely hating him, because this is the man that abandoned his son for the wolves. But Yue Qi keeps being denied a sword and permission to leave the mountian. And he needs to get Shen Jiu out. So he goes to the beast peak and seeks out its lord.

Yue Qi finds Shen Yuan, and tells him he knows he abandoned his son once but to please, rescue his friend- To please help the son he abandoned, just once.

And Shen Yuan is so confused. Like, kiddo? I don't have a son?

But Yue Qi argues back that Shen Jiu looks just like Shen Yuan, down to every detail. And he's so sopping wet pathetic that Shen Yuan can't help but want to help this kid and his friend, so he agrees and swoops Yue Qi up in his arms onto his sword to fly off and use him as his compass.

Yue Qi is incredibly startled, being held kind of like a bewildered cat gets held by a small child, legs dangling "Can you put me down on the sword?" "And risk you falling off and your Shizun killing me? Not a chance, kiddo. Uppies."

They get to Qiu manor, and Qiu Jianluo is so incredibly fascinated by the man at his door that looks like his favorite toy. And even more so when he realizes he's a cultivator, so he brings him inside. Not because he's stupid, no. Because if this man is Xiao-Jiu's father, then he'd clearly sold him into slavery. Maybe he'd even like to see how well behaved a slave the brat became.

So Shen Jiu is brought out to serve tea, and he sees Yue Qi first, white as a sheet and terrified next to Shen Yuan. Then his gaze turns to Shen Yuan, and he drops the tray he'd been holding. Because it's like looking into a more mature reflection. He feels like his heart is going to stop.

And Qiu Jianluo makes a mistake. He decides he can punish Shen Jiu for breaking the tea set here, in front of Shen Yuan. He gets as far as getting his hand on his whip when Shen Yuan speaks.

"... I have a son.. You. Have my son. Why is my son a slave." Shen Yuan demands, his gaze turning both cold as frost, and hot with rage as he rises up and rests his hand on the hilt of his blade.

Qiu Jianluo doesn't live to see the next day. According to Shen Yuan, he was possessed and tried to kill him and his shijie's disciple. Yue Qi echos the same story if asked.

Shen Jiu is astounded- Qi-ge came back! He really came back-! He'd been giving up hope, and now he's here!

And.. His father... Is also here? He has one of those? His father just killed that monster unprovoked. His father was talking to him kindly, and offering him spare robes, and a meal, and-

"A home-? You- You want me to go to your home with you?"

"Of course I do-! I just found out I have a son, I missed enough of your life already yeah?" And it takes a bit more convincing than that but honestly Qi-ge is also at the sect so he can probably see what kind of man his father is... Though he's distrustful.

Eventually they have a kind of awkward father son thing going, and Shen Jiu goes to the official disciple selections, and is kidnapped by the Qing Jing peak lord. Shen Yuan is displeased by this, but his son seems intrigued so... Fine, fine, go go have fun.

Shen Yuan glares DAGGERS at his Qing Jing Shixiong during the next Peak Lord meeting after he takes his baby bun as a disciple because this is cutting into his Father-Son Make-Up Time (and he's got more than a DECADE to make up for! That's not much to a centuries' old immortal but Shen Yuan still knows that it's a Big Ass Deal to his son because that's all the time he's ever lived). Qing Jing Shixiong is, of course, completely unapologetic because he could tell immediately that Shen Jiu had the makings of a peerless scholar in him (just like his baba, Qing Jing Shixiong thinks bitterly) and was not about to let a Shen slip through Qing Jing's fingers a second time.

Normally Shen Yuan has a good and close relationship with his Qing Jing Shixiong as Shen Yuan is very scholarly minded despite being more invested in beasts than the Four Arts. Shen Yuan's Qing Jing Shibo had tried to poach him from the Beast Peak numerous times as a disciple (Shen Yuan is, of course, oblivious to this) but not only was Shen Yuan's Shizun (the previous Beast Peak Lord) wholly unwilling to lose out on his future head disciple, but Shen Yuan was solidly in love with the Beast Peak and became an unskippable cutscene whenever his hyperfixation was triggered. Still, Shen Yuan spent a decent amount of time on Qing Jing with his shixiong, who was strangely insistent on practicing alongside Shen Yuan, leading him to be at least passable (by Shen Yuan's standards) through osmosis.

(This is a long way of me justifying Shen Yuan still knowing how to play the guqin solely so he can play modern songs for Shen Jiu on it)

Shen Jiu, meanwhile, ends up in a quasi-split custody agreement between his Baba and his Shizun. And for his part, Shen Jiu thrives on Qing Jing without any harassment from his rich-kid shixiongs. There were attempts at first, spawning from jealousy over how much attention Shen Jiu got from two separate Peak Lords (namely Shizun) and how Shen Jiu took to the Four Arts and cultivation as a whole like a fish to water, outstripping his shixiongs in skill and power with blinding speed. Buuuttt they learn VERY quickly that bullying Shen Jiu will trigger Mama Bear Shen Yuan to swoop down on them like death from above, and for all his kindness and gentle hand towards discipline (compared to his martial siblings), Shen Yuan is ruthless when it's his precious son being harmed. Needless to say, any bullying of Shen Jiu is put to a swift and brutal end, and Shen Jiu's would-be bullies are forced to sit and stew in their jealousy, or worse, actually work to improve themselves.

Whenever it's Shen Yuan's turn to have Shen Jiu on his peak (Shen Yuan and his Qing Jing shixiong have something of a 50-50 custody agreement), he tells Shen Jiu of his uncles, his aunt, his grandparents, and of Shen Yuan's own childhood. Since I'm an adherent of Chronically Ill In a Past Life!Shen Yuan and Shen Yuan only ever talks about his family in the past tense (to say nothing of the small memorial altar in one of the back rooms of Shen Yuan's house, crowded with no less than five carefully carved tablets that Shen Jiu found when snooping one day), Shen Jiu concludes that Shen Yuan's parents--his grandparents, Shen Jiu thinks with no small amount of awe--sent his Baba away to Cang Qiong in order to cultivate to save his life. Baba may have tried to minimize and gloss over the severity and extent of his childhood illness, but Shen Jiu is no fool and by now knows that his idiot Baba does not show himself the same care he shows to others (despite his Baba regularly claiming that he's lazy while being the most hard-working man Shen Jiu has ever met). And naturally, his Baba flourished and became an immortal cultivator who stood above the rest. However, the family that had loved his Baba enough to send him away remained mortal and lived and died as mortals do long, long ago.

And in a way, Shen Jiu is correct. There's just no way he could have ever known that Shen Yuan is from a world far removed and alien to the one Shen Jiu was born in.

Even as a disciple, Shen Yuan had been tight-lipped about his origins, only ever speaking vaguely or deflecting any questions completely. Mostly this is because Shen Yuan's origins in this world were unclear even to him. After reincarnating, he found himself in a child's body in the midst of a smoldering ruin. No bodies had remained untouched by the long gone flames save for his own and the ruins were damaged so severely Shen Yuan couldn't decipher anything of use from them. Left with no other option, Shen Yuan had walked away into the wilderness, discovered what world he'd been reborn into, agonized over whether or not to join Cang Qiong before concluding it was the safest option for an apparently orphaned child in PIDW after a near miss with slavers, making it to the disciple selections and being picked by the Beast Peak Lord of the time (after a dead-heat race to claim Shen Yuan between most of the present Peak Lords), and then promptly cursing out the universe for placing him well before PIDW's canon once he realized he recognized NONE of these Peak Lords.

Yeah, Shen Yuan kept his past--both from this world and his previous one--close to his chest. But that just made any crumb of lore he let slip so much more valuable. Because Shen Yuan wouldn't be Shen Yuan if he didn't wife-beam nearly everyone he ever interacted with. Unbeknownst to Shen Yuan, he has a line of admires long enough to circle the whole of Cang Qiong several times. Nearly all of them are men, which goes a long way to reinforce his obliviousness of their affections (Shen Yuan's Qing Jing Shixiong is one such instance and he is a source of fierce jealousy among Shen Yuan's numerous suitors because he gets to live out a familial fantasy through the split-custody arrangement over Shen Jiu).

Shen Jiu doesn't mean to let his Baba's Lore disseminate to the wider world, but he admits he may have been careless when talking about it with Qi-ge. Some nosy busy-body overheard and Shen Yuan's suitors were fed well.

The news that Shen Yuan had a son definitely caused a stir, and naturally Shen Yuan never mentioned that Shen Jiu came from an unexpected encounter with a Spring Day Heart Lotus aside from his martial siblings (who could largely be trusted to keep their mouths shut). This coupled with the Lore Drops overheard from Shen Jiu spawn a number of heart-wrenching tragedies of a third son from a middlingly rich family that suffered from an incurable illness but was kind and loved (and beautiful beyond compare). And because he was so loved, this tragic beauty was tearfully sent away to a cultivation sect in the hopes that cultivation would be the key to saving his life. And it does. Too well, in fact. Because the tragic beauty out lives his beloved family by many many years, leading him to close off his heart in his filial grief. At least until he discovers he does still have family left. A son he never knew he had who was alone in the cruel world and suffering terribly at the hands of a monster (Qiu Jianluo is often cast as Secretly A Demon because the wealthy human sponsors of these works don't want to confront the idea that One Of Them could do something like That to Shen Yuan's precious son--to say nothing of the thousand and one casual cruelties they inflict on people they see as Lesser every day that would make Shen Yuan despise them--so the perpetrator MUST have been secretly a monstrous demon all along. The motive in this take for Qiu Jianluo's cruelty is often covetous and ruinous lust for Shen Yuan taken out on his son).

Shen Jiu's exact origins as a Plant Baby aren't really known outside of Cang Qiong (Shen Yuan's admirers amongst the mountain don't want to give the competition Ideas on how to baby trap him), so these stories often include a Generic Female Lead to act as Shen Jiu's mother. Characterizations of the supposed mother vary from story to story. Sometimes she's a scheming vixen who takes advantage of the tragic beauty's kindness and cruelly abandons both the beauty and the child they begot together when it no longer serves her. Sometimes she's the tragic beauty's First True Love who tragically perishes after giving birth but before she could tell him of his child's existence (somewhere, somewhen across the universe and sealed beneath a mountain, Tianlang-Jun sneezes). Sometimes she's the author or sponsor's blatant self-insert (often genderbent) who becomes the tragic beauty's True Love and wife and mother of his child who is cruelly stolen away by a covetous and cruel demon (Qiu Jianluo, who is spinning in his shallow grave). The last one is often something of a retcon as after the Tragic Beauty Male Lead discovers and reunites with his long lost son (usually thanks to cosmic chance or divine revelation. One or two include a Childhood Friend of the lost son making the reveal, but that's very rare), the stories veer off into dogblood dramas and blatant wish fulfillment that caters to one or more of Shen Yuan's many many suitors.

Shen Jiu discovers one of these stories years later and is furious that people are lusting after his Baba and writing such garbage about him that they share with the wider world rather than keep to their rotten selves. When Shen Jiu tries to tell his Baba about these affronts to his honor, not only does Shen Jiu find out that his Baba knows about these stories, but his Baba has been an avid follower of a number of the worst, verbally shredding these terrible stories as he resurrects his inner Peerless Cucumber while also being blissfully unaware that these dogblood garbage stories are all about him and written by and for his many suitors.

Part of Shen Jiu wishes his Baba would ascend with his martial siblings if only to hopefully get him away from his many depraved suitors, but the more selfish part of Shen Jiu wants his Baba to stay with him. He's quite pleased to find out his Baba feels the same, holding off on ascension to stay by Shen Jiu's side (which totally has nothing to do with Shen Yuan being confronted with the knowledge that his precious bun of a son is supposed to be the Scum Villain and the fate Shen Qingqiu suffered in PIDW doesn't look as vindicating as it did now that he knows it would happen to his son, whom he loves).

Unfortunately, Shen Yuan doesn't stop attracting flies after retiring as a Peak Lord when his son's generation ascends to the post.

Shen Yuan's backstory is kind of up in the air for me. What I wrote is what came to mind for a Mysterious Backstory that isn't too generic. The scattered thoughts in my head that lead to it is "cultists," "dragon cult," "ritual went wrong and all the cultists died in the backlash," "shen yuan's reincarnated body is fire proof," "he's maybe a sealed dragon or was infused with Dragon Qi and it gives him Dragon Powers," "the og character was supposed to be a guardian over the ruins Shen Yuan woke up in and the surrounding areas because Plot and also MacGuffin but Shen Yuan promptly fucked off into the undergrowth blissfully unaware of any of his potential plot relevance."

The PIDW Beast Peak Lord is Shen Yuan's beloved shidi. They had a friendly rivalry for the head disciple spot but were cordial with each other when Shen Yuan emerged the victor.

In true Shen Yuan fashion, he is a much stronger cultivator than he assumes he is. His notion of power-scaling is hilariously skewed and he could easily pancake most of his shixiongjie but assumes that because he's a No-Name Background Character and the Lowest Ranked Peak Lord that it somehow means he's weak.

As I was writing this, I initially wanted to make Shen Yuan very Yang Aligned, but was struck with the brilliant idea that the character Shen Yuan was reborn as was supposed to be a wife character. But because Shen Yuan is a Man and dragons are OP as fuck, his body just made itself as he wanted it to be. He is wholly unaware of the precisely five seconds he had boobs before he instinctively Transed His Gender (as are his suitors, thankfully, because a number of them would undoubtedly go rabid if they figured out Shen Yuan can shapeshift). So Shen Yuan is oddly Yin Aligned for a man, which leads to Shen Jiu--his biological son--to be as well because I adore the "Shen Qingqiu (Jiu) is Yin Aligned" fanon. This adds to Shen Yuan's...appeal to others.

Since Shen Jiu was born from a magic plant, he has the natural aptitudes of a dragon and a few of their abilities (like fire immunity, which would have been handy if he burned the Qiu Manor to the ground after all) but he's technically not a dragon in the same way Shen Yuan is. Shen Jiu doesn't have a dragon form like Shen Yuan (though Shen Yuan is wholly unaware of it) but he's got the peerless aptitude for cultivation, qi reserves, and natural resistances that dragons have.

I'm not too attached to this backstory so do with it as you will.

Shen Jiu actually grows up fairly well adjusted all things considered. He still has some general instinctive fear of men but it's not as intense as the original verse but he's not as wildly insecure and self-destructive. Having Shen Yuan as a father did a lot to help Shen Jiu learn to love himself and gave him a refuge whenever insecurities rear their heads (he's a bit shameless in taking advantage at first, just to reassure himself that his Baba's love for him is genuine. If he had a lot of nightmares for several years after Shen Yuan brought him home that pushed him to seek out his father for comfort, well...Shen Jiu had good reason for that after all he'd been put through). He's still petty and sharp-tongued, maybe even moreso than he was originally because he had Shen "Peerless Cucumber" Yuan as inspiration, but there's a steady confidence to him that the original Shen Jiu never managed.

(Shen Jiu's relationship with Yue Qi is also leagues better than it was in canon since the broken promise thing never happened. The two are closer than ever, which their shizuns are pleased about with them being the sect's future leader and second in command)

Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge do still have some friction but it's mostly because Shen Jiu finds it entertaining to mess with Liu Qingge, who rises to take the bait every time. It's nowhere near as bad as it was in the original story. It's more like pigtail pulling than actual rivalry.

I bring this up because I have the image of Shen Yuan plucking a tiny disciple Liu Qingge out of the air as he tries to start a fight with Shen Jiu and scolding them both for the mutual antagonism regardless of if it was genuine or not. Liu Qingge just dangles, despite his best efforts to free himself, from Shen Yuan's unyielding iron grip and has a few realizations about himself.

"too many authors in the current market are focusing on selling 'spice' instead of telling interesting stories"

"oh yeah, i agree. i started reading one that i heard a lot about and it just wasn't-"

"and it's all of these women reading their fucking mommy porn out in public like FREAKS"

(Dick Grayson-Centric Edition)

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/22315000

in the dark of the night

fanfictiongreenirises

Summary:

“I already have a dad, y’know? So you don’t have to be my new dad. I don’t really want you to be my dad, anyway. We can be friends. Partners.” Bruce seems to sigh in relief, having stiffened up halfway through Dick’s speech. “Friends and partners, then.” And they were in agreement.     Bruce and Dick and a series of steps and leaps and jumps.

No romantic relationships

Dick Grayson-Centric, Fluff and Angst, Adoption

Words:10,063 and Chapters:1/1

Dick hadn’t realised they’d all thought he’d been adopted, but he supposes he’d always been part of the duo (trio?) that was Alfred and Bruce in the Manor when they’d all come, even if he hadn’t been present. He was mildly alarmed, not to say amused, at their shouts.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/74911171

Guilt is always hungry (don't let it consume you) by devfics

Summary:

Later that evening, Dick lay on the massive sofa in the theatre room, surrounded by his family, and the Wayne Manor was as full as his heart. Or, Dick has eldest child feelings on a random family weekend.

No romantic Relationships

Dick Grayson-Centric, Family Bonding, Guilt

Words:2,341 and Chapters:1/1

So much had happened, and yet, as Dick reminisced, snuggled between his father and brother, he was rudely made aware of the heartbreaking nature of the passage of time by Bruce’s grey hair.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/73365906

explosion's wreck by thennevermind

Summary:

When Dick saw the bomb in the building, he immediately sent his brothers outside. He was thankful for that, considering the fact that it blew before the countdown timer was even up. He would rather himself be impaled than either of his little brothers, anyway.

No romantic Relationships

Dick Grayson-Centric, Whump, Trapped

Words:1,691 and Chapters:1/1

Sure, he still was bleeding. It was one of the only things he had to worry about—that and tetanus. The rebar inside of him was stopping the blood flow well enough.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/69045216/chapters/178908676

Mother Hen by Valpalmalec

Summary:

Five times Dick Grayson stepped up in a situation that did not feel safe for his brothers, and the one time they noticed. OR: All Dick's siblings know he is a mother-hen, but these protective tendencies tend to escalate at galas or balls. They assume it's because they cannot fight without their costumes, but they are wrong.

No romantic Relationships

Dick Grayson-Centric, Angst, Bruce Wayne's A+ Parenting

Words:18,389 and Chapters:6/6

Dick was acting more like a big brother and not a big pain in the ass.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/60978979

Nightwing by YouHaveLessProof

Summary:

Nightwing is a pillar of the hero community. Of that, there is no doubt. However what that pillar truly means isn't the same for every hero. - 8 snapshots of the hero community loving Dick.

Dick Grayson/Wally West

Everyone Loves Dick Grayson, Character Study, POV Outsider

Words:3,525 and Chapters:1/1

Batman had been forged out of fear and a need for control. Gotham needed that fear, but it also needed the hope that Robin graced her skies with. There were a few heroes that were pillars of hope and Nightwing burned the brightest. 

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+1: Nightwing is everyone's favorite hero, as a fic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58088266

Everyone favorite superhero is...n't Superman?? by hisaribi

Summary:

there's this post on tumblr that I can't find with the premise I used in a fic, if you know which one, pls, send me a link it goes like younger heroes have a meeting and a journalist decides to go with lighthearted vibes and as who is their favorite superhero and is somewhat surprised that like 80% answer it's Nightwing so here's the fic based on that

No romantic relationships

Journalism, Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously

Words:3,490 and Chapters:1/1

“Oh, he considers himself a vigilante, not a superhero,” Zatanna shrugged, like it was an obvious thing, like there was a difference they all saw, but an outsider wasn’t privy to, and it fueled her to actually go home and write. “That was Nightwing.”

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But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Where do they come from. What do

they hope to achieve.

you all say: I love you I

love you I love you.