Rick

> get annoyed when posts break containment and get big

> start changing text posts to destiel jorts when they hit 10k notes as a prank

> do this several times

> have post get big, attracting annoying people

> close to 10k notes but not quite

> reblog it to tell destiel mutuals to help get it to the Jorts Threshold so I can do my lil prank appropriately, expecting only a few mutuals to interact with that version of the post

> that version of the post gets big

> people annoy me for years after asking what Jorts It means

> ???

D&D spell has a somatic component: Aggressively sign the name of the spell when you cast it.

As a big fan of detective fiction, I really enjoyed Knives Out! As I was leaving the theater I was eager to talk about what an incredible move it was to make a detective movie where the detective sucks.

At which point everyone stared at me like I’d grown a second head.

The first thing I did when I got home was look up “knives out ending explained”, which as above explained nothing and just restated the events, looking for someone who had seen what I saw.

Video after video, article after article, I was slowly forced to accept that I had been watching a completely different movie than everyone else.

The movie I saw featured an obvious parody of the genius detective character, bumbling around the edges of a tense cat and mouse between two brilliant and incredibly manipulative people who were actively playing with genre tropes to fuck with him.

Let’s establish some facts about our murder victim.

Harlan Thromby is a wealthy eccentric who loves puzzles and games. He disdains his own wealth and openly despises his family for their contentment to leech off his fortune and do nothing with their lives. And he earned that fortune by being a WORLD FAMOUS AUTHOR OF MURDER MYSTERY NOVELS.

His last day was spent gathering his entire family to his estate, where he very loudly establishes motives for all of them to want him dead.

One of his first actions on screen is playing with a trick knife people!! The same knife he uses to fake his “suicide!” The same knife Ransom will later pull from the ring of knives which represent proximity to the center of the mystery! This is not hard to figure out people!!

The way his body is conveniently destroyed, the incredibly obvious flipping the go table, the fact that Ransom could not be more of a red herring if he was dressed like a swedish fish—

The fucking inane *donut metaphor,* god, even Benoit Blanc (his name is “Blessedly Blank” guys come on!) can tell he’s only seeing the edges of what’s happening here!

Can I tangent about his accent for just a second? It’s a very overt reference to Hercule Poirot, who used his comically thick Belgian accent to get people to underestimate him— meanwhile Benoit strides onto the scene already respected and deferred to. He’s not affecting a character to enable his investigation because he doesn’t have to. He’s just Like That. He is a thoroughly and intentionally comical character! He’s not the detective, he’s the Lucky Fool.

And don’t get me started on Marta! She’s the one using her accent to make people underestimate her. You’re presented with a character who claims to be biologically incapable of lying in a MURDER MYSTERY and you just took that at face value???

She’s established during the go scene as Harlan’s equal in intelligence— This is a brilliant, strategically minded woman, and that’s just objective text! But any time she’s around Benoit she’s a wide eyed innocent victim, incapable of recognizing the Thrombey’s very obvious moves against her.

Outside of her intelligence and her apparent allergy to dishonesty, we know almost nothing about her, and one of those things has to be a lie.

Here’s the actual ending of Knives Out explained!

—

Harlan, sick of his wealth and his spiteful family, decides to fake his death. And because he is both theatrical and a monstrous asshole, he decides to use his “death” in order to stage a real murder mystery plot.

But he wants someone to play against, someone to match wits with, a Holmes to his Moriarty. And who else would he choose but Marta, the only person he respects?

He upsets the go board in order to swap the medicine with something harmless. He may have not even been aware Ransom switched them, it wouldn’t matter regardless.

Maybe he really goes through the whole “Oh I’ll kill myself to protect you” scene, or that may have been a complete fabrication, replacing a very tense conversation where he told Marta he was about to frame her for killing him, but if she outwitted him and escaped conviction, his fortune would be hers. The whole film is a game of go between them, with Ransom (black) and Benoit (white) representing their primary pieces.

The master stroke was Marta convincing Ransom that his attempted murder had succeeded. His actions to hide what he’d done were useful to Harlan for tying up the loose ends of his own disappearing act, but in the end they served Marta better when he became desperate enough to incriminate himself, and took the fall fully believing he was a murderer— an ironic reversal of the position he tried to put her in by switching the medicine!

When Marta stands on that balcony with the “my house, my rules” mug she’s not just a poor innocent girl who got rewarded by fate for her kindness, she’s the victor, having won this house fair and square in a contest that could have cost her everything. The Thrombey’s are beneath her, literally and figuratively.

When you recognize this deeper layer of the story it makes the themes of race and class a lot more powerful. Benoit’s paternalistic treatment of Marta is more palatable than the Thrombey’s, but he still underestimates her. Harlan’s cavalier cruelty towards his own children makes it clear they are what he made them, and echoes the actions of cruel men throughout history. And his respect for Marta as an intellectual equal doesn’t stop him from using her as a tool in his melodrama, directly knowingly putting her life at risk and telling her she can either die, or match him in cruelty and manipulation and receive the spoils.

Final note— anyone else think it was interesting that they saved the reveal on the invisible ink letter until the very end? Why not reveal the cheating earlier for more drama? Is it just kicking them while they’re down? Well, let’s look at that letter again, in light of the above, and while remembering Linda was Harlan’s favorite.

My heart,

It’s time to cut the dead wood.

He’s cheating on you. I have proof. I know you don’t need to see. Untether yourself. It’s time.

Senshi: Thank you for teaching me how to probably care for my nutrition, and that a little food goes along way. I’ve learned that patience is key and self-care can not only better yourself, but the others around you as well.

Laios: Thank you for inventing autism and teaching me that indulging in my weird kinks and fantasies are OK actually.

Marcille: Thank you for teaching me that it’s OK to be a girl failure and that going against with the government is actually morally correct.

Chilchuck: Thank you for teaching me to not open up about my emotions until it boils over in an incredibly important moment.

Izutsumi: Thank you for helping me understand that I’m actually better than everybody else and people should worship the ground I walk.

Kabru: Thank you for teaching me that I always have several romantic options open at all times.

Thistle: Thank you for teaching me the dangers of becoming too codependent on one person, and that everybody should get the space to care for themselves, not only others. I have learned that those who offer you the things you desire, with seemingly no consequences, are most likely the ones who are going to hurt you the most. Your story is tragic, and I think it should be used as an example of child trauma and how to and to not love healthily.

today i'm going to teach you how to make a custom color text in tumblr, all it involves is knowing how html works.

my favorite color, truly favorite color, is not represented in the tumblr color set, so i have to go and make it myself whenever i want to use it.

first, i will type whatever text i wanna make the color, let's see.... i'll make "flurty is cool" into whatever color i want. not that one, but this one V

flurty is cool

woah it is now my favorite color.

if you click on this icon here, you'll surprise the post.

the post had no idea you were going to look at its details like that. just made it nervous. now this little box will open up. click here.

ok cool, you now have three options to choose. click HTML

woah what the fuck happened to my post. basically, you just opened up the post to look at its source code. it looks like i'm looking into the guts of a cute bot

well you are looking at the very source code of a very cute post. now some things won't show on here like polls, which are a server side coded thing that tumblr won't let you edit, but you can edit most other things. can't have you getting too crazy.

find the line that you want to make a pretty color, for instance, i see it here. make sure to click on every line as you scroll by, you wouldn't understand why this matters. but it matters to the post.

ok cool, now how do we make this line into MY FAVORITE COLOR?

very simple, first, you must understand how a computer understands what color text or anything should be. we need to get it instructions, in the form of hexadecimal.

open up any color picker website, find your favorite color, and look for its hexadecimal id.

i like to use google's. google search "color picker" and use its tool to pick your favorite color, ok? don't look at the stupid ai shit they're forcing in our faces, that bot ain't real. the one you have your hands in right now is real. pay attention to your post, find the color that makes you happiest.

it will give you the hexadecimal id for it. copy that thing and go back to the guts of that hot post you are playing with.

this is where we gotta take off the big person gloves and we gotta put our own code into this post. first, look into the eyes of the post you are about to stick your code in, make sure it wants this to happen, and always verbally ask, "can i?" or "may i?" if your smart with the language like i am.

then, once you have the post's permission, open up the first <p></p> tags of the line you want to make beautiful, and inside the tags, but in the tag itself, insert the following: <span style="color: #HEXHEX">...</span> and replace the HEXHEX with your HEX code!

It should look something like this...

NOTE: If you open a tag, make sure you close a tag. You can close a tag by typing a / in the tag itself. <p>...</p> <span>...</span>

Now when you look at the post, you should have your favorite color on your post!!!!

don't forget the after care. after inserting your code into the post, make sure to thank it and give it some love by pressing the heart icon. reblog it if you truly care about it. i know the post will be thinking about this for a long time.