Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?

unrealistic but hilarious alternate universe where Clark finally lets Lois drag him into a tailor and get his 3 for $300 suits tailored so they actually fit, only for the tailor to get increasingly nervous with every pin he’s putting into loose fabric because 1) the dorito shape is painfully obvious once the waist is cinched 2) the chest and shoulders change sizes wildly when he chides Clark to stand up straight, and 3) he definitely bent at least four pins

He shows Bruce the suit and as soon as they're done going at it crazy style, Bruce asks Clark if got the tailor to sign an NDA (something Bruce does routinely both because of the scars and also the definitely batman shape he can't hide during the suit making process) and Clark just gets wide-eyed and looks anywhere but Bruce's eyes and Bruce just takes a big sigh and goes "next time you're going to my tailor" (his tailor is under so many NDAs) before calling his lawyer just to make sure that they are prepared incase something comes out.