Critical Role + random shit

Its is more like you hiring some guy to do private investigation about how your husband maybe cheating on you and Sherlock comes to your house high as fuck. Walks into your living room and without taking a moment to even talk to you or sign any paperwork, he turns around—pupils as big as god—and just says

“Its your best friend Brenda. I’ll email you the invoice.” 

So consider this, Holmes, at 2am, desperately searching the flat for the stashes of NOS cans, only to keep coming up with passive aggressive pamphlets about the dangers of caffeine overdose.

Watson wakes up to a stench like Satan’s ass to find Sherlock sitting by his bed with a re-heated pot of cold brewed Deathwish Coffee that had been hidden in the back of the toilet tank (brewing) for five months.  Sherlock is trying to say he’s proud of John’s cleverness in finding most of the stashes, but he’s passed into the fifth dimension and all John gets is a creepy vibrating grin and a sound like a shaken cat.

So it’s more like realizing that your flatmate with the caffeine/sometimes drug death wish will only chill the fuck out when he has some strange mystery to unravel, so you spend your free time scouring reddit posts that might actually feature a real missing person. Or a ghost. You really don’t care which at this point. When you finally find something your flatmate is THRILLED and straight up stops eating because he thinks he can survive on intellectual curiosity alone, and yeah that’s not good, but it’s better than what he was doing to himself before. Your success is comparative, okay? You stick around for the meeting partly because you’re curious, partly because this is your home too remember, and partly because you’ve found that writing up these insane excursions helps pay off your student loans. Your Patreon is thriving. The entire time your flatmate is interviewing this poor SOB he keeps breaking into manic grins and you’re kicking him under the table, trying to help him remember that others aren’t happy about a death in the family. Halfway through he pulls a cigarette from a stash in his smelly bedroom slipper, offering the client one and yeah, that’s very nice, but… no. No thank you. He’s dressed impeccably and has a violin worth millions just lying on the floor, but the flat as a whole looks like a tornado just blew through and there’s something growing on the walls beside the makeshift lab. Is he rich? Dirt poor? Impossible to tell based on the surroundings. The entire time he rattles off observations about the client not at all related to the case and his continuing good mood depends entirely on how impressed the guy is. If he mentions “magic tricks” or “I saw that on Youtube” you’re prepped for damage control. 

By 8:00pm you’ve finally convinced your flatmate to look up from his research and go half on a pizza, but the second it gets there he shrieks in excitement and runs out the door, demanding that you follow with your legally dubious gun. You apologize profusely to the delivery guy and double his tip, begging him not to call the cops. No, not because you’re afraid of arrest, you just know the head of the local precinct and he’s a pain in the ass. 

You run after your flatmate knowing damn well you have to be up early tomorrow because despite maintaining a private practice you still don’t make enough to get your own apartment. 

I mean — it’s textbook hyperfixation/understimulation right there — I Also forget to eat and sleep and do Human Things when I’m vibing with whatever makes my brain go, and I Also take (medically prescribed) stimulants when I need to think. And Also adhd understimulation makes mundane existence an agony that one will do nearly anything to escape but at least in the modern day we have things like video games and netflix so it’s a little easier to actually get that escape without y’know completely self-destructing along the way (Sherlock Holmes plays Among Us to fill the void between cases change my mind)

And while it’s entirely legit that a modern ADHD sherlock might self-medicate with energy drinks and home-brewed toilet-tank-coffee, I’d LOVE to see an adaptation where Sherlock just. has a prescription?

So instead of hunting down his secret Bad Habit Stash, John could be like “hey, sherlock- the pharmacy called, your meds are ready” and then sherlock would be all “LATER JOHN IM ON A CASE RN I DONT NEED THEM” and John’d be like “sherlock no that’s not how that works”

And I just wanna bring up the fact that this is not the only monstrosity built by Rafael Vinoly - he’s also responsible for the eyesore of Manhattan that is 432 Park Avenue.

Residents here have repeatedly complained about the realities of living in this haunted pool noodle, including ‘catastrophic’ floods, loud bangs and creaks, and an elevator that refuses to work when its windy.

If you see a police car or a cop with a speaker looking thing on it, FUCKING RUN. It’s known as an LRAD (Long Range Acoustic Device), a device that, when activated, can permanently damage your hearing and cause serious harm. If you’re too close, you’ll be left in a lot of pain and squirming on the ground permanently deaf. Ear plugs do not work. Unless you have one of those shooting range headphones, you do not stand a chance against them. Again, if you see them pull up, RUN. This is what they look like.

https://www.fastcompany.com/40585221/piercing-sound-can-be-excessive-police-force-federal-court-rules

also heres an episode of brooklyn 99 where they talk about how cool this thing is

Me: How could I have laughed at Victor, how could I have scorned his anguish in the sight of his glorious but unnatural creation??? Only now do I understand, only now-

The video, described by @holyfunnyhistoryherring, is a captioned tik tok by @thatrobinhood, showing a white guy with short brown hair and a longer beard, wearing a bathrobe, holding a drink and talking to the camera. He says, “So I was at a tractor-pull one time (yes, I am exactly the kind of redneck that goes to tractor-pulls) and this guy showed up, I guess with his boyfriend, um, I’m not a 100% sure. But he was wearing, uh, pink cowboy boots. He had homemade cut-of jean shorts, he had a, uh, flannel crop top, and he had a pink John Deer trucker hat.Anyway, one of the rednecks behind me was looking at this guy and he’s like ‘I don’t know why anybody would come to a tractor-pull dressed like that’ and the other redneck who’s behind me goes ’listen, if he wants to come to a tractor pull dressed like that, it’s his God given right. What the fuck do you think freedom, Earl?’ and now I really want a pride bumper sticker that says ‘What the fuck do you think freedom means, Earl?’”

The flags are the rainbow, bi, lesbian, pan, trans, and ace flags. The bi and ace flags have a different font from the others, but they each have “What the fuck do you think freedom means, Earl!?” written over them with uppercase black text.

As with many disciplines, kindness may come more easily to some than to others. But it is nonetheless something you can learn, something you can teach, something you can work at.

I’ve heard people argue that lace code is not important or “a thing” anymore. It’s true that a lot of younger folk are unaware of it and don’t follow it, especially since the rise of 2000s emo culture had kids wearing docs with all different color laces and other “punk-inspired fashion” without being aware of the culture. I totally get it.

The pyramids were built by contemporary workers who received wages and were fed and taken care of during construction

The Dendera “lightbulb” is a representation of the creation myth and has nothing to do with electricity

We didn’t find “““copper wiring””” in the great pyramid either

Hatshepsut wasn’t transgender

The gods didn’t actually have animal heads

Hieroglyphs aren’t mysteriously magical; they’re just a language (seriously we have shopping lists and work rosters and even ancient erotica)

The ancient Egyptian ethnicity wasn’t homogeneous

While the Egyptians were fine-ass astronomers they didn’t align any of their enormous and/or important buildings to modern star constellations, because constellations look very different now than they did ~5000 years ago 

Speaking of that particular sphinx, the Napoleonic expedition is not responsible for its missing nose

Akhenaten was not a “heretic” by contemporary standards

Ramses II appropriated a lot of his predecessors’ buildings/reliefs and isn’t really deserving of the epithet “the Great”

It was not, in fact, practice to shave off eyebrows after cats died; Herodotus lied about that

Here are some vetted Egyptological books/sources (that are by and large appropriate for a lay-audience) you can find most, if not all of the above:

Lehner, M., The Complete Pyramids

Wilkinson, R. H., The Complete Temples of Ancient Egypt

Hornung, E., The One and the Many: Conceptions of God in Ancient Egypt

Dunand, F. & Zivie-Coche, C., Gods and Men in Egypt

Kemp, B., Ancient Egypt: Anatomy of a Civilization

Bard, K., An Introduction to the Archaeology of Ancient Egypt

Stevenson Smith, W., The Art and Architecture of Ancient Egypt

Kitchen, K. A., The Life and Times of Ramesses II, King of Egypt

Sweeney, D., Sex and Gender (in Ancient Egypt)

McDowell, A. G., Village Life in Ancient Egypt:  Laundry Lists and Love Songs