too cool for newschool

The dinosaur esque shriek in response satisfies her father. Dick raises an eyebrow at the archer, “Wait, is that what you were talking to her about when I walked in?”

“No! I was talking with her. We were having a conversation about the bitchy soccer moms and their passive aggressive comments.” Roy sets the plate with egg in front of her. As Lian plays with and shoves part into her mouth, he opens a jar of baby food. “Like the one crunchy bitch that said she felt ‘bad’ for c-section moms because they didn’t really experience childbirth.”

“…..Wally was telling me how one soccer mom was insisting he couldn’t be Jai’s dad.”

“Dark hair?”

“Dark hair.”

“Fucking bitches, I’m telling you—”

Lian yells her agreement, egg bits dropping into her bib.

“Well said, squeaker, I would sue too.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to shit talk with babies.” Raven laughs. She massages the side of her stomach. One of her twins must be kicking.

“I know you’re supposed to talk to babies. I tried, I mean I really tried baby talk.” He shakes his head, watching Lian’s little face as she gnaws on the last of the egg strip. “I started getting pissed off….and I don’t know if it’s possible, but she was too. You know what she does like? Shit talk.”

Lian babbles at him, smacking her empty tray.

“Yes, I know you’re starving. Here, we got some new veggies to try.” He offers her a spoonful of the mysterious green paste. She takes the first bite easily. Then her face twists in disgust. More than half drips out of her mouth. “Lian, you gotta eat your veggies.”

“Nah!”

“You cannot eat bananas for every meal—”

“Nah!”

“I’m the parent, I’m saying you have to eat—Lian!” Tiny hands had smacked the tray, hitting the impending goo from his hand. Roy gives her an exasperated look….that they could swear she returns. “Look, I know you get the attitude from me, but we have to work together, kid.”

“I believe this is called ‘karma’,” Garth notes, handing Roy a new spoon.

“I don’t need the sass from someone who breathes pee water.” Roy takes it with a nod of thanks. “How’s Guppy anyway?”

“Growing like a weed. Already best friends with Prince Artur. Dol and I think his Magic’s starting to emerge.” Garth nods at Lian, “Not as much sass, but he is older. Perhaps Lian could learn something in a play date.”

“Promptly get fucked.” Roy feeds her another bite, but she spits it out. “Okay, squeaker, I’ll try a bite and show you it’s yummy.”

True to his word, he takes a bite of the mush. Face twisting in disgust as he spits it into a napkin. Little giggles mix with his gags.

“It can’t be that bad.” Garth takes a bite, followed by Dick and Gar, only to have the same reaction. “That’s vile, you feed that to children??”

“They made that taste bad on purpose.” Gar coughs, chugging a glass of water. “Peas and beans can taste good, that just doesn’t.”

“Is it out of date?”

“Squeaker, I owe you an apology. You clearly have better taste than me.” Roy takes the offending jar away from her tray. Donna snorts, patting his back as he walks to toss it.

“Check the fridge. I bought some fresh avacado and bananas.”

“This is why you’re her godmother, you Amazonian delight.” Roy grabs the fruit and starts to prep it. “Lian, say thank you to Auntie Donna.”

“Nah nah!”

“You’re welcome, baby girl.” Donna kisses the top of her head. “Next I’ll show your daddy how to find cute girls clothes.”

“Led Zeppelin is cool and she makes it cute!”

“Kory,” Dick coughs, gettin the last of the mush out of his mouth, “if we ever have kids, promise me we’ll taste the food we give them. It’s the least we can do.”

The princess laughs, wiping the corner of his mouth with her thumb, “Love, I think any child of ours will be much busier taking over the universe with their adorable nature.”

“Thank god that’s in the distant future. I mean, I’d help them, but more so it’s less a hostile take over. I’m happy as an uncle for now.”

“I dunno, Dick.” Vic teases. “There’s only room for one cool uncle on this team.”

Dick pats his friend’s metallic arm, “Good thing I’m going for funniest uncle.”

“Ooo, I got bad news for you, buddy. You have to be funny to get that title.”

The light hearted barbs continue as Roy finishes feeding Lian. New routines snapping into place over the old. Some of them making dinner, others tidying up or setting the table. Chats about new books and shows mixing with conversations about jobs, apartment hunting, classes.

Rae reads a story book to Lian, tiny hands patting her belly as the twins kick, while Roy cleans up her toys. He stops every so often to watch her sweet face. Reassuring himself that she’s real and his. Donna annoys Dick about his ‘Uncle Status’, neither pointing out the rumors around the Red Hood. Easier to pretend he’s the only family Bruce has right now. Gar and Garth argue over some obscure fish none of the others have heard of, but Gar wants to add it to an animal book for their twins. Kory and Vic chat about changes to the security systems and her upcoming journey home.