i genuinely like puns

i’m fine with people whose dni criteria includes me reblogging my posts (especially image descriptions), but if i check and then know that it includes me i am going to block you because i feel weird about it.

[shaking your hand] hey you ever hear about the scorpion and the frog [not letting go] exciting friends and a good adventure

today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me

People in the comments like "you just need to add a /pos tone indicator to your comment!": strangers at the potluck do not like being told "You're a bitch!" with a smile and a thumbs up.

I got hired to do a stand-up comedy set at the trope villain convention. It was a great gig. Really appreciative crowd. They were absolutely cackling the whole time. It was a little weird at the end though when all of them stood up and started clapping very slowly, before saying, in unison, "Well done, my friend. Well done."

One of them said he really liked how relatable my comedy was. Apparently it made him feel like we're not so different, he and I.

love the word lackluster. well it sucks because it’s not shiny

[ID: A crow with a speech bubble above its head so it looks like it's saying OP's post. End ID.]

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

Crazy thing about #healing #recovery Small Victories is when you'll have some shit going on that's like, saying this would involve admitting how you used to be doing. You know? Like hey guys good news I'm gonna change my bedsheets this year

That's the thing about Doing Really Bad you kinda keep it to yourself. And then you start doing a little better & when you try to tell people this the vibe is like "what do you mean you were living in the sewer this whole time are you good?" while you're standing there like Yeah that's not the important part never mind that. I'm literally out of the sewer

oh a quite serious thematic analysis of the works of david cronenberg we're really in it now

i would like if something horrible and invasive was happening to him and his boundaries were violated and he was uncomfortable and scared

one of my favorite ao3 metrics to poke at for specific fics: public bookmarks vs. private bookmarks