#borderline stuff

Mein Kopf hört nicht auf mir diese Dinge zu sagen, zu sagen, dass es meine Schuld ist…ich weiß eigentlich, dass das nicht stimmt…aber wenn du ständig diese Gedanken hast dann kannst du irgendwann gar nicht mehr anders denken, dann kommen immer wieder nur diese Gedanken, was wäre wenn, wenn ich das nicht gemacht hätte… dann. Und es hört einfach nicht auf. Es hört einfach nicht auf.

sometimes….you really just need to say the stuff and then not read the response. delete the response. wonder for a moment and then never look back. continue on a little lighter than before.

why doesn’t anyone talk about how hyper empathetic bpd can be? my ex treated me like absolute shit, gaslighted and raped me and i still have ugly breakdowns recollecting the night he told me about his suicidal thoughts because it resonated so hard as someone who’s attempted more than 5 times. he didn’t even care about my safety or health either so why do i care so much?!? like yeah they’re a piece of shit and they treat you like a 2nd option and you know they genuinely don’t care about you, but at the same time, you understand that people only know from what they’ve experience, for example, childhood trauma which is so debilitating to manage so it technically isn’t really their fault but actually it is because you should be able to heal from your trauma not project it onto someone else..? fuck. ㋛

Honestly it takes me like twelve hours to get like four hours of sleep