#sleep problems

My day is over whenever I decide.

I am choosing peace over punishment

I am choosing seeds of self-care, -love, and -discipline, over self-abandonment.

I am making better, stronger choices every day—and it shows

I survived another day and my body and mind deserve rest, no matter what it takes.

It can be difficult, but I am still doing everything I can to make that happen.

I am showing up for myself right now by taking deep breaths

[inhale for four/exhale for six, x3]

I have done enough today.

Some days I will do more, some days I will do less. But today, it was enough.

P.1. P.2. P.3. P.4.

Sleep was something that Robert feared and loved at the same time. Sleep was something that he as a child sought out to escape unpleasant reality, he loved taking naps. When he was just 3 or four he remembered waking up on the couch, warm blanket draped over his curled up body, quiet korean music his mom always turned on when she was cooking or cleaning coming from kitchen, delicious smell of sizzling meat filling the house, sound of TV playing, figure of his father sitting in chair further to his right was making warmth spread in his little body. Those happy memories from his early childhood were sometimes only thing keeping him going. Even after his mother left(the last hug and soft "it's not your fault, baby.. it wasn't and never will be your fault" filled with sad but caring love were following him in dreams and nightmares alike ever since accompanied by steady and comforting smell of star jasmine) and his dad appeared at home less and less, Robert found a small relief in taking naps, allowing those short memories soothe his worries over and over again until he wasn't sure what was dream and what a reality...

Later as his training as future pilot started and figure and voice of his mother became more and more distant his dreams were now accompanied by Chase. Some were real memories with beta some were scenarios made up by his brain.. still as long as he could forget himself in the slumber he was fine with whatever.

His representation as omega and his first heat were both accompanied by his first nightmares. His fathers reaction to Robert's secondary gender was probably the main reason, it was also first and last time Robbie laid a hand on his son.

Handprint on his face stinged and swelled slowly turning into a bruise as his heat progressed. His father left murmuring something about "finding solution to this mistake" leaving only pain and harsh scent of metal behind.

Chase was one to find him (unsurprisingly) and it wasn't even because Robbie said anything to him. No, it was because it was Friday and Chase always came by on Fridays after his patrol. Beta found Robert asleep on the floor smelling like pure stress abomination, he didn't wake up until 2 days later. Only his temperature rising and dropping were signs that he had gone through his heat, otherwise Robert spent most of his heats sleeping like dead, which unnerved Chase immensely but beta couldn't do much except make sure boy was safe and ate something immediately after waking up.

Soon after his father got his on the pills that were technically supposed to make him alpha but in reality just messed up his hormones enough to stop the heat cycle and scent from forming. Which was good enough for Robbie cause it was medication Robert was on until he started having problems with money as Mechaman Blue.

His representation was the first time he got nightmare and even as adult with a pack, Robert wasn't sure if his suffering would ever end. After his fathers death night terrors had their grasp on boy's soul every time he closed his eyes for longer than a second. And as he took over as Mechaman his brain only got more fuel for his fucked up dreams. So Robert threw himself in work until he was exhausted enough to just pass out for an hour or two. From a "temporary solution" to his problem it progressed into a habit and then into a lifestyle: keeping himself active almost all day and night, sleeping between jobs just enough to stay functioning but not aware rested enough for his brain to have time to go through his memories.

It became Robert's life. Just another thing that never changed.

The first thing he felt when he woke up was Warm.. he was warm and comfortable and not in pain... That was surprising... It was not just a physical warmth nooo, his mind felt warm too, lazy, quiet... He felt well rested but still sleepy and slightly dizzy but not in concussion kind of way...

For the first time in last 15 years Robert didn't want to get up.

So he opened his eyes just enough to glance at the clock on the kitchen counter. It was 9:02 am. He was late to his shift.. His phone must've died.. it's good considering Chase and Z team are probably blowing it with messages and calls.

Robert knows he should probably get out from under the blanket..(it smells like melons and aloe...) and get dressed. He could still get away with being just two hours late but dispatcher didn't move an inch even after counting down from three five times already.

He was so comfortable, pillows were just soft enough, blanket felt just the right amount warm and heavy, warm buzzing under his skin didn't stop even after he woke up and room smelled so good. With every inhale anxious voice whispering about responsibility was getting more and more quiet until his head was empty of noise again... His eyes fluttered shut slowly, though brunette didn't even try to fight the sleep this time...

If you need to be awake by 7am....

...then whatever you do for the love of everything DONT STAY UP TILL 3AM