#audhd problems

[ID: Two lorikeet birds bouncing around a water bowl being filled. /END ID]

and People Don’t Talk About It Enough

Sometimes I wish people understood what it actually feels like to live with AUDHD the combination of Autism and ADHD. It’s not quirky, it’s not “cute,” and it’s definitely not just being distracted or socially awkward. It’s a daily battle inside your own mind, and most of the world never sees the internal exhaustion behind it.

Living with AUDHD means having a brain that can’t decide whether it wants absolute structure or total chaos. One moment you’re overstimulated to the point of shutting down, and the next moment you’re stuck in a spiral of hyperactivity and racing thoughts. You crave routine but get bored of it. You want to focus but your brain refuses to cooperate. You want calm, but everything feels too loud, too bright, too fast.

People see the outside the forgetfulness, the fidgeting, the sensitivity, the intense interests and they assume it’s manageable. But they don’t see the burnout that hits without warning. They don’t feel the sensory overload that makes small things feel unbearable. They don’t experience the guilt of wanting to do things but being unable to start, or the frustration of trying your absolute best while still being labeled “lazy,” “dramatic,” or “unmotivated.”

And the worst part is the loneliness. Because AUDHD often makes you feel “too much” for everyone. Too sensitive, too emotional, too intense, too overwhelmed. So you learn to mask. You pretend you’re fine. You try to act “normal,” even when your brain is screaming.

But here’s the truth: AUDHD is not a character flaw. It’s not a choice. It’s a reality that deserves understanding, compassion, and awareness. People who live with it are fighting battles every single day and doing it quietly.

My autism: Things aren't in order I feel like I'm going to explode I have to clean there has to be order

My ADHD: I feel like going to explode because I physically cannot clean my brain won't let me

As cute as this au was originally planned to be i do want to acknowledge the hurdle ill have to go through writing caines character, such as his lack of empathy

A lot of showtime fics, or comics ive seen always make Caine a more receptive and empathetic character by the beginning of the story in order to make the bond between pomni and caine more smooth. And while i personally like it, i also want to look at the more difficult aspects of their relationship, or frankly what it would be like to befriend caine. Like his adventures and inability to listen to the cast is one thing, but there’s also the fact he is not at all phased by abstractions.

That’s a key aspect to his character and how hell be able to bond with other characters. I mean imagine dating a dude and knowing he doesnt react at all to funerals of long time friends. It’s GONNA be something thats gonna be hard to accept at first, and frankly im still thinking about how pomni could try to get Caine to better himself. Like to me this au is gonna feel less like “i can fix him” but moreover “i can try to understand him”. Because caine ISNT Jax, its not like hes fighting against the idea of connecting with pomni its the regular methods of doing so dont work with him

So pomni by default IS gonna hit some roadblocks while trying to befriend him, and it might hurt along the way for the both of them

This is Also not even including the fact that he’s hiding that everyone has the ability to conjure, AND the Abel adventure. So like it’s GONNA be complicated, like i wont lie caine might suck a lot here. But hes also gonna be really awesome here too maybe.

Idk im looking more and more into different discussion of people who have family members/ loved ones who lack empathy and there IS a lot of struggle in their stories. So i dont want to hide that from them either. I myself have felt both pomnis and caines experience in this au so its also might be from the heart(lol) as well

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

Are you a 'I need absolute silence, or I cannot do anything,' or a 'if I don't have music playing I will literally die' kind of Neurodivergent?

The Discord Server is full of both kinds.

I avoid those things like they were made of fucking uranium, and to my own detriment a lot of the time! Like i can force myself to do laundry at its barest essentials, put goop in washer, throw clothes in, wash, dry, put away, but the second u start talking to me about separating the lights from the darks, spot treating stains, god forbid a fuckin pre-wash, the level of...resentment?? or genuine anger i feel feels... not normal.. The amount of 'oh fuck i do NOT want to do that' i experience is pretty significant.