dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS
These horrific, sexist, racist paragraphs - screenshotted and shared for posterity by James Smythe, to whom we are all indebted - are the work of one Liam OāFlynn, a writer and English teacher. Evidently, they come from his book Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English, and are intended as examples of good writing.
UM.
Dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. IT IS SUPER GROSS AND FETISHISTIC AND ALSO TERRIBLE WRITING. THIS IS WHY WE CANāT HAVE NICE THINGS.Ā
Like I just.Ā āHer virility-brown eyes -ā WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN? How can you have an āAmazonian figureā ONĀ a āwafer-thin bodyā when āfigureā is a word that describeās a bodyās shape, and Amazonian means pretty much the DIRECT FUCKING OPPOSITE of āwafer-thinā in the first place?Ā What the shitting fuck does ANY of this mean, apart from āI am only nebulously familiar with the concept of women and completely at a loss if I canāt compare their various bodyparts to jewels, animals and footstuffsā?
STOPĀ
GO TO WRITING JAIL
GO DIRECTLY TO WRITING JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200
tag yourself iām the two beryl-green jewels in the snow
if her ears frame her nose do they like, grow directly beside her nose? how does she see from them?Ā
*facepalm*
ā Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English ā
lovers of english
oh my goddddddd
i canāt get over this fucking post
āI loved her nebulous, eden-green eyes which were a-sparkle with theĀ ājoie de vivreā. They were like two beryl-green jewels melted onto snow.ā
1. what the fuck is joie de vivre
2. melted jewels?
3. beryl green
eden green:
WHICH ONE IS ITTTTTTTTT
@laughlikesomethingbroken āJoie de vivreā is a French phrase that literally translates to ājoy of livingā, while it IS one of those phrases that gets used in English in this context it is SO EXTRA AND UNNECESSARY OH MY GOD. Donāt use French to make yourself sound sophisticated when youāre NOT I donāt know where to even START. Curvilinear waist? Sugar candy-sweet? What the FUCK are seraphās ears? Voguish clothes? What the everloving fuck is āconstellation blueā supposed to mean??? Like forget the objectification, this writing is horrifying enough before we even get to the embedded sexism
seraphās ears are ears that you canāt see bc theyāre hidden behind her 6 wings
Oyster white teeth?
holy purple prose batman
Female writers do this too. Have you read a Mills and Boon novel? Have you read high school girlsā yaoi fanfics?
Uh oh, we were focusing too much on how a grown man is selling this shit and not enough shitting on teenage girls. Egalitarians here to put an end to that shit.
Also, a Mills & Boon novel would never have that kind of writing in it. Their highest submission word count is 80k. This kind of shit doesnāt fit in a Mills & Boon. If everyone was described like that, there would be no room for the plot.Ā
Maybe know something about romance novels before using them as lazy shorthand forĀ ābadā while defending subpar writing from a self-important man.

















































