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So im debating telling my assessor on my psychological/Nero psych about this because shes assessing me for adhd mostly but trying to rule out other things.

In general my lack of fear is lower than others but recently when i started taking ritilan i notice there is almost no fear at all. My adrenaline is having more serious issues. I don’t feel numb. I just feel blank. My adrenaline drive can and is higher. Its not like the medication itself doesn’t work but it seems to be giving interesting results.

Ik because i went over someone’s house and they pointed it out and i was like shit no one is supposed to see how un fearful i am but it was almost amplified. In general i have to remind myself its helped with a lot of adhd symptoms but my adrenaline and drive and hollowness is worse as well as masking is harder/easier because i can’t actually feel as connected in general i can’t but its not as amplifying even less amplified emotions. Well except anger but thats always there. Even guilt which affects my not effected by the world.

Even people affecting me are way less like i literally couldn’t care less. Even my need for destructive art has gone up. Which includes adrenaline. But I wanted to know if anyone had any research or suggestions or ideas. Idk if i should tell the person assessing me because ig im afraid i wont have these meds anymore but stimuli is essential even if the meds are working. No sound kills me. My therapist told me to watch it but now i feel like im in deep shit if i confess because its “contradicting” can’t function with it can’t function without it. It feels like im in a weird type of hell and I don’t know why this med is being so weird to my brain.

No Honey you see that is your ableism speaking. Theres a thing called comorbidy. These things tend to go hand and hand a lot. Just because you don’t understand doesn’t mean its not very real to others.

Just because you don’t understand yourself how I and others do with our “diagnosis collections” doesn’t mean anything other then maybe you need to take a look inside on why you feel the need to attack someone for figuring their shit out.

I finally found the connection between my symptoms and I dont know how to feel. It feels like a weight was added. The weight to convince my family its not health anxiety and im not a hypochondriac. That I have autonomic nervous system comorbidity from trauma. Trauma they never thought was enough to traumatise me. Trauma they gaslight me into thinking never happened because they can take advantage of my amnesia and my inability to be sure about my memory.

It gets lonely.