Scholarly Salamander

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someone on reddit explained 😭

"Us? Oh, of *course* our Dachshund sleeps inside- we just let him out in the morning and make sure he comes back for dinner. He just does his own thing, no worries."

"Um, you know it's not humane to keep a chihuahua confined to an apartment? They're dogs, they're natural predators. They need to experience hunting behaviors or they get depressed. No we don't leash ours, he absolutely hates it, we just let him come and go whenever."

Yall get how fucking stupid that sounds, right? So stop letting your goddamn cats get eaten and attacked and infected and hit by cars

A toddler would probably love full unattended access to the neighborhood too, but we don't do that either, do we

Vampirism. Lycanthropy. Cheap spells gone wrong. A woman brought in for her prenatal has to be told her baby is a lindworm. Someone is literally being followed by the anthropomorphic personification of the Black Death.

So the Galapagos Islands off the coast of Ecuador are home to some of the largest tortoises in the world. Huge. Beautiful. Iconic.

What I didn't realize is that, just like Darwin's finches all adapted unique beaks for conditions on the different Galapagos Islands, different islands have their own unique variety of giant tortoise!

But bad news for tortoises, in the 1700s-1800s whalers and other sailing ships would stop in and grab as many tortoises as they could carry as portable snacks bc the tortoises can live a few months without eating, so they make good fresh meat in a long voyage??? And it turns out if you keep doing this, even if you start out with 20k tortoises on an island, eventually you run out.

So on Pinta Island, for example, everyone thought their tortoises were extinct bc no one saw any after the early 20th century, but surprise! Out of nowhere in 1971, a big beautiful boy appears!

Enter Lonesome George. Look at that neck!!!! He's the only Pinta Island Tortoise in the world and scientists and conservation experts are scrambling to figure out what to do! We thought they were extinct but now there's just One More???

So everyone's studying him and trying to get him a girlfriend and hoping somehow we can have a miracle and try to bring back this tortoise from the razor's edge of extinction.

Unfortunately, George never had offspring. He passed away in 2012, and the Pinta Island Tortoise was once again declared extinct. He was already full grown when he was discovered, so he could have been anywhere from 80-120 years old.

So this is the low point in the story. No tortoises, no chance. Until!!!!!!! 2015! Down on Isabela Island, near Wolf Volcano. What sort of tortoises are these? They have these crazy hump shells, not like the native Isabela Tortoises should have....

Turns out!!!!! There's a bunch of hybrid tortoises down here, but they have a ton of features and genetics from our bestie the extinct Pinta Island Tortoise!! We know from historical records that sometimes sailors would pick up tortoises on one island and drop them off on another.

So then it's like,, can we breed these descendant tortoises to get more Pinta features and reintroduce them to the right island ??

On Wolf Island, more out-of-place hybrid tortoises have been spotted! (This is... early 2000s?) These ones look distinctly like the Very Incredibly Extinct tortoises from Floreana Island

We're talking, like, some of the most recent sightings of these Floreana Tortoises in the wild being recorded by Charles Darwin in the 1830s. We're talking more than 180 years of extinction. And there's little tortoises with the same shell shapes and features wandering around way over on Wolf Island!!!

Again. Sometimes old-timey sailors would drop off tortoises in weird places. But like!!!! These hybrid tortoises are descended from the Floreana lineage!! No one has seen these suckers in two centuries and their little descendants are still alive and kicking!

Now, Floreana Island,,, got put through the wringer. Ecologically, it was just a mess. We're talking a bajillion invasive species, species going extinct left and right. It was one of the most frequented islands by whalers back in the day, and it's taken decades of hard work to even begin to undo the damage. There's a reason the Floreana Tortoises went extinct, that's all I'm saying.

But so now we have these Floreana lineage tortoises (not pure Floreana Tortoises blood, that's gone now, but very close!) and we've got a Floreana Island that's been cleaned up and a whole team of ecologists who are very, very excited.

It's going to take a lot of planning to reintroduce these tortoises, though. We've got 15 of these Floreana lineage tortoises who still have a mix of traits, we want to end up with thousands of tortoises, and we can't just stick tortoises back on Floreana yet bc the invasive rats, feral cats, dogs, etc all love eating baby tortoises and tortoise eggs

So thus begins a decades-long project to raise sturdy tortoises with as many Floreana traits as possible and get them big enough to safely release onto an island that's still trying to get its rat problem under control.

All of this culminating in the release of 158 tortoises (aged 12-14, so they're all big enough to stay safe) on February 20th, 2025

After nearly 200 years without any tortoises on the island, Floreana had its tortoises back!

The young tortoises, each weighing between 30-50 pounds, had to be carried to the release site on foot by park rangers and volunteers. (link to video)

So much work went into preparing for this day, and this isn't the finish line! The Galapagos Conservation Trust plans to release hundreds more tortoises in the coming years, and to continue efforts to rebuild the ecosystem! Other native animals are making a comeback, like the Galapagos Rail, a bird who hasn't been seen in 190 years! We thought it was extinct!!! But as the island recovered they've reappeared!

There's so much thought that's gone into releasing these tortoises. They released them in February to take full advantage of the rainy season. The long term plan to handle the rats is timed to wrap up in the next 12 years before the new Floreana Tortoises are old enough to lay eggs. This is such a huge win for conservation in general and Galapagos conservation in particular!!!! This is groundbreaking, and it happened 12 days ago.

So for today, there's no Pinta Island Tortoises on Pinta Island. They're still extinct, and Lonesome George was the last pure-blooded Pinta Island Tortoise.

But two weeks ago there weren't any Floreana lineage tortoises on Floreana Island either. Things will never be exactly the same as before, but the ecosystem and the birds and the grasslands are going to love those tortoises. Recovery takes time, and nature is incredible at bouncing back, especially when people are willing to help move things along.

I really do believe that one day, Pinta Island will have charming, long-necked and bowed-backed giant tortoises again. I feel so grateful to live in a world of amazing creatures, and amazing people who dedicate decades to helping them.

in most languages the word for ‘mother’ usually starts with an M, because phonetically [m] is one of the easiest sounds for a newborn to make when they start babbling, and mothers tend to be the one most around the child. so in my mind that crosses M off the list, because it’s automatically associated with a feminine figure

similarly, ‘father’ tends to start with D, T, P, or B. (phonetically these sounds are very close together; [p, b] and [d, t] are all only different because of being voiced or unvoiced.) these are also phonetically easy letters and ones kids pick up on earlier.

now the hard sounds for kids are the following: [ɹ, d͡ʒ, tʃ, θ, ð] or in normal speak: the English R, the “j” or “dge” sound in “judge,” the “th” sound in “thigh” and the “th” sound in “the.” and we don’t want kids unable to say their parent’s name for years, so those are also off the list.

additionally, it’s easiest for young kids to just repeat the same sound twice rather than figuring out the tongue gymnastics of putting different sounds together, which is why kids will say Ma-Ma or Da-Da and not Ma-Mo or Da-Po. and we’ll want to stick with low back vowels like “ah” and avoid ones like the hard “i” or “ee.”

so what does that leave us? when we want a sound kids can learn easily and early but don’t want to just put a funky spin on “mama” or “dada”?

my suggestions: G, K, W, L. i personally lean towards W and L. they’re called liquids, since they’re the consonants that kind of aren’t consonants, and kids (and ESL learners) will tend to swap out the English R for a W or L until they can learn the R.

if i ever have a child, they’ll start calling me Wawa. then when they get older, they’ll call me Wala, or maybe even Wally.

and then, once they’re finally phonetically developed, they can call me by my true title as their nonbinary guardian for their 18+ years:

GAUDY SLIME Again I come to you, my followers, To ask a question near my goopy heart: When speaking to a parent, gender - none, What name am I to give them when I call? For, while “progenitor” is accurate, ‘Tis not a quip to call across the town.

FIRST CLOWN The word that comes to mind at first is “dom”.

FIRST WIZARD ‘Tis true, but if revers’d thy message is, A “moderator” comes to mind, with “mod”.

SECOND WIZARD Why, “op” would work when paired with “admin” ‘tis.

GAUDY SLIME Say “admin” when respect and love thou needst, Say “op” when meant derogatorily.

DOGGONLO At first, hearing thy words, I was to jest; But then, at second thought, I pondered it. What could one use when not a “ma” or “pa”? So, “ma”, the word, comes from a babe’s outcry, Since “em” and “ah” are easy to pronounce. And “da” and “pa” are also simply said. So what for gender-null? What for our Slime? Well, “ja” and “tha” and “tsa” are none a fit, As “ja-tha-tsa” are difficult to say - No babe could speak them while still in its youth. And in addition, repetition’s key, For “ma-ma” is to “pa-ma” pref'rable. We’ll stay with low and back-held vowels, too, For “ee” and “eye” are too complex for babes, So to the “ah” and “ooh” we keep our sound. Remaining still available to us, Good “ga”, kind “ka”, wise “wa”, and, lastly, “la”. Of these fine gents I point to “la” and “wa” As consonants that almost vowels be And make for ease of song for baby voice. If ever I a child take to me (For man or woman, neither one am I) A “wawa” or a “lala” will I be. And as they grow, their speech will strong become Till finally my true name’s in their grasp: ‘Tis Waluigi.

FIRST ATTENDANT Spite! O, I am hit! I thought I was to learn the lore of words But struck by cruel and slapstick strike am I!

THIRD WIZARD Uh, “baba” works, it’s used in other tongues.

SECOND ATTENDANT Yes, “baba” is the one I use, i'faith. But still - o Seer, why must thou attack?

SECOND CLOWN It seems to me that “tata” is the one For babes to “tatas” cling, no matter what.

GAUDY SLIME Wait, clown, dost thou speak truth to me? Real truth? Will babes reach for a breast devoid of milk?

CLOWNS and ATTENDANTS cheer in affirmation.

O never had I thought this day would come.

Enter the gay mothers, THOUGHTFUL and SUZLOUA.

THOUGHTFUL I cannot of a milkless breast inform, But lights shaped like a breast will draw the babe.

SUZLOUA I’ve heard the same by others said before. My son’s reached out for tied balloons in past.

GAUDY SLIME In gratitude I share with you a tale ‘Twas whisper’d to my ear a moment since: One said, when baptised, he then look’d about And tried to eat the “milk” of candles lit.

THIRD CLOWN This scene has all that ever I could want, The milk of human kindness shows itself, The gender-neutral words are brought along, And finally, our Waluigi’s here.

GAUDY SLIME Before we go, one final note to say: A friend has lately told that, as a child, They’d call for “maud” to come, for ‘twas A combination “ma” and “dad” in brief.

Merriment and rejoicing. The SHAKESPEAREIFIER lurks in the corner, taking notes.