consider: teenagers arenât apathetic about everything theyâre just used to you shitting all over whatever they show excitement about
Teen: *gets a job*
âI GOT THE JOB!â
Parents: Well, when I was your age, I already had 5 jobs and was supporting my family
Teen: *gets all Aâs*
âI worked really hard!â
Parents: Well, of course you did, this is the expectation, not a celebration.
probably why so many teens take to social media where they can enthusiastically share their interests and achievements and get positive feedback that their parents never gave
A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
I remember once, when I was in my early 20s, I was an afternoon supervisor at my job, and I worked with mostly teenagers, and the one day this one kid, who was like 15, was bored so I suggested he could clean out the fridge. He did and when he was done I said he did a good job.
After that, this kid was cleaning out the fridge at least once a week, and I was like, âwhy are you always cleaning the fridge?â Like, I didnât mind, but it seemed odd. And he said, âone time I cleaned the fridge and you said I did a good job. I wanted to make you proud of me again.â
Literally, I changed the entire way I interacted with teenagers after that. I actually got a package of glitter stars and I would stick them on their nametags when they did a good job, and they loved it.
My manager had commented on how hard these kids work and I said, âtheyâre starved for positive feedback. They go to school all day then come to work all evening and no one appreciates it because itâs expected of them, but theyâre still kids. They need positive feedback from adults in their lives.â
Like, everyone likes feeling appreciated. Everyone likes being complimented and having their efforts be noticed. Another coworker (who was a mother of teenage children), hated that I did this, and said they were too old to be rewarded with stickers, but like⌠it wasnât about the stickers. The stickers were just a symbol that their effort was noticed and appreciated. I was just lucky that I learned this at a time when I was still young enough to remember what it was like to be a teenager. I was only 2 years out of highschool at that point and highschool is fucking hard. People forget this as they get older, but ask anyone and almost no one would ever want to go back and do it again, but they expect kids to suck it up because theyâre young so they should be able to do school full time, plus homework, and work, and maintain a healthy social life, and sleep, and spend time with family, and do chores and help out at home, and worry about college and relationships and everything else, and then just get shit on all the time and treated like theyâre lazy and entitled. And then they wonder why teenagers are apathetic.
For a german exam I had to argue against an article that was essentially âkids these days, they donât care about anything and are constantly on their phonesâ and really it was the easiest essay Iâve ever written.
Teens donât talk to adults bc adults only ask âso, howâs schoolâ to then interrupt them two sentences in. And because they canât engage in a conversation about buying houses and working in a bank. I wouldâve loved to talk about philosophy and politics and history with family the way I did with friends and in class but because I was young no one took what I had to say seriously.
And no, teens arenât always on their phone. Theyâre on their phone when theyâre bored. You think Iâm on social media when Iâm with my friends? When Iâm talking about something Iâm interested in?
Maybe the reason kids are so distant and always on their phone during family parties and the like is because youâre failing to engage and include them.
Whoop there it is
When you respect kids, they really respond and learn from you. But if you treat kids like âtheyre just a kid, what do they know??â then youâll never find out.
As a Disneyland Cast Member, Iâll add my own experience onto this â
Very frequently, when I first speak to a child while Iâm at work, theyâll kind of withdraw and act uncomfortable and shy. Their parents will then rather frequently tell them to not be shy and try to coax them to talk to me â whenever that happens, I always, without fail, politely dissuade the parents from pressuring them.
âIâm a stranger,â Iâll tell the kidâs parents. âI donât blame them for not talking to me â if they were anywhere else, theyâd have the right idea, to not immediately trust me.â
I cannot tell you how many times Iâve seen that same kid â simply after hearing their initial reaction being validated, instead of reproached â immediately open up to me after that. I also cannot tell you how many times that child and I would go on to start a frigginâ marathon conversation, and I got to hear all about how great their day was or what their favorite Disney movies were or what rides they liked and didnât like or how much they like a certain Disney character or songâŚall from me validating that initial feeling and showing genuine interest in what they had to say.
This isnât just young children, either. I will always remember being positioned outside the Animation Academy one day and starting up a conversation with a young lady, perhaps 12 or 13, who joined the line with her father a full 25 minutes before the class was supposed to start. Now keep in mind, we do a drawing class every 30 minutes: there was no one else in line at that point, and no one else joined the girl and her father in line for a full fifteen minutes. So I could tell pretty quickly that this girl was very emotionally invested in getting a good spot for the drawing class: a conclusion all the more bolstered by the fact that she had a notebook under her arm. I asked her if she was an artist â she said yes, but seemed uncomfortable at the question, so I skipped even asking her if I could see her work, instead admitting that I myself wasnât very good at art, but that Iâm trying to get better and that I love the history of Disney animation. On the screens around us was video footage of different Disney concept art and animation reels, so I pointed one of them out (for Snow White) and asked if she knew the story behind the making of the movie. Upon confirming that she didnât, I proceeded to get down on the floor so I could sit next to her and her father and dramatically tell the whole story of how âUncle Waltâ created the first full-length animated motion picture, even though everyone and their mother thought he was an idiot for even trying, and how the film ended up becoming the first Hollywood blockbuster. After the story was over, the girlâs father said that his daughter really wanted to be an animator when she grew up, and she finally felt comfortable enough to open her notebook and show me some of her artwork. It was wonderful! Every sketch had such character and you could tell how much work she put into it! And I could tell how much telling her that â and sharing that moment with her, where we got to connect over something we both really enjoyed â had meant. And after the class was over, she sought me out to show me what she and her father had drawn â and sure enough, hers was great! (Her fatherâs was too, really. XD)
People, kids and teens included, love sharing what they love and how they feel with others. You just have to give them the chance to show it.
A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
-~-
I feel like I am obliged to add one more thing: donât ever think that the kids wonât feel your unspoken judgements cause they do!
I felt always like a âproblemâ in my family, until I was about sixteen, I got this teacher who was litterally the first to tell I was worthy. He changed my life up till this day.
Also how do grown ups imagine how âweâ will ever learn to engage in conversations with adults properly if you donât teach us?
This post is
Everything
I told one of my new coworkers (who is 26) that he was doing really well and that I was proud of him and his progress. I thought he was going to start crying for how quietly he said âreally?â.Â
Positive feedback makes the biggest difference to everything.
iâm extremely lucky that iâve always gotten positive feedback and proper attention + engagement from my parents.
i can count on one hand the times iâve gotten it from anyone else.
teenagers are so attached to their phones at school because itâs one of the only things we have all day that makes us feel vaguely alright
Zare why would you hide this nugget of glorious truth in the tags this is literally everything I want to say but couldnât figure out words for it
