Sharing knowledge, experiences, and perspectives

Let's be clear: someone who's *really* trying to manipulate or use or just get something from you isn't going to limit themselves to monetary means of persuasion or be consistent with it for years and years for EVERYONE else they remotely care about too, in all likelihood.

So, simply because it's atypical (or monetary) doesn't automatically mean it's manipulation (the definition of which, for me, includes intent). Neurodivergent and autistic people in particular tend to show genuine affection in different ways, but I've found that *some* people will assume it isn't genuine because the presentation of affection is unusual or the gesture itself is unusual, or unfamiliar to them.

Neurodivergent people are more likely to under or overperform in these areas, which can be off-putting for those unused to such expressions or lack thereof— however, it is "normal" for them, and may not mean what you think it does.

Consider whether they do the same thing with others, and whether the amount they are giving is consistent with the amount they give others who have a similar relationship with them, rather than if the amount is "normal"— abnormal does NOT equate to bad intentions or meaning, and discussing rather than assuming saves everyone a lot of grief.

"Manipulation requires intent."

Sometimes people don't let me (or themselves) understand, either don't communicate or communicate honestly, don't explain anything to me or let me explain myself, my meaning to them.

And sometimes I have to consider myself as well, and some people find that inconsiderate or harmful to them in some way, one way or another.

So they assume the worst, when I generally mean the best (even though it isn't always)— they do not try to understand themselves; they assume they are already correct and there is nothing more for them to understand.

If only they'd return or initiate the effort, be not just willing but desirous to communicate and work with (rather than against or simply not at all with) you.

It may just be an authentic expression of self impacted by trauma, rather than inauthentic.

They probably gave and gave until they couldn't anymore, past what they even thought they could until it became too draining, too much and they were forced, by one limitation or another to stop.

Because, in my experience, autistic/neurodivergent people are more persistent— they gain and lose interest/attachment far more quickly, or completely in general.

Generally, I don't mean to come off as standoffish or rude or disinterested or anything negative. Sometimes it's just that I don't have the energy to mask anymore; I'm too tired to create or continue the facade for the comfort or acceptance of others.

It's draining when I try to explain this and people still don't listen, or act like I'm lying for some unfathomable reason.

I don't really see the point in hiding most, if not all things— which can lead to info and trauma dumping and oversharing, when I don't understand/recognize when it's not appropriate.

Do not give me vague hints. Tell me when something makes you uncomfortable.

And don't misinterpret my wanting to know why as trying/wanting to argue with or pressure you— I am just trying to make enough sense of it to expand or fit it into my expectations. I don't, generally, have a problem with the thing itself, just the adjustment.

So explain— at least, try to as best as you can. Specify. State things honestly and openly and clearly. Directly. In another way if one was maybe too unfamiliar or unclear for me to understand.

No, you're not. Regardless of how "autistic" you are or what exactly they mean by that.

They're too ignorant. They don't care and/or don't understand enough to learn your language/perspective and how to better communicate with you. They aren't aware enough to find it important enough (or ultimately more helpful, productive, and convenient) to spend the time and effort on, but the onus shouldn't just be on you to communicate— it's on both parties to make a real, consistent effort.

And you try, but they may interpret you differently/worse than you really mean— maybe they don't ask you to confirm how you see things or, even if they do, they don't "believe" you though you've always stated the truth, as far as you're aware anyway.

That's on them. Not you.

Please don't hurt or lose yourself trying to help people understand you— in the extreme, it's a trauma response and I understand, I've been there and I'm still trying to undo/alleviate the damage.

But I've learned there's only so much I can, or should do, and not everyone deserves or values your genuine efforts.