Jul 6
I feel weird relating to did/osdd posts then I remember i have cpstd and dpdr which causes a lot of the same shit at a lesser severity LMFAO
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I feel weird relating to did/osdd posts then I remember i have cpstd and dpdr which causes a lot of the same shit at a lesser severity LMFAO
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My parents showing me once again that they don't care whether I live or die, as if I wasn't already overwhelmed and dealing with all that happened the last time they did (literally two days ago).
I think something that isn't talked about enough in survivor spaces is how it can turn you into an abuser in subtle ways.
Such as having a really low tolerance for shit and being cruel to anyone in your life who ever makes a mistake, making you someone they walk on eggshells around. Or being so used to that abusive dynamic that when a disagreement comes up, you immediately become aggressive because that was the only way you were heard in the past. Then, not knowing how to resolve the situation because you don't have experience doing that, instead you are used to walking away from it with resentment.
This type of abuser usually finds it easy to defend their actions because they see everyone around them as a threat. In their head, they are a victim still.
(If you recognize yourself in this, as tbh most survivors do at some point, be wary of reels and TikToks talking about how "if your partner doesn't do this it means they hate you" or "men are all evil and you should never hear an explanation of why they did something because they are probably gaslighting you." Because they will totally skew your perception of an equal and healthy relationship. Anything talking about how *insert action* means they are evil and out to get you 100% of the time is usually bullshit. No one in your life, even your romantic partner, is perfect and they will fuck up and even hurt you sometimes. Everybody does, what matters is what they do about it and whether they are trying to fix the situation and better themselves or not. Part of healing is reminding yourself what a healthy relationship with others looks like, and remembering that perfection doesn't exist.)
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It never feels like the last day when it starts.
But maybe the worst is when it never stops.
They all run together, like the dreams that topple over one another between barely perceived blinks in the smallest hours of the morning.
I am behind the glass quite often, of late; living vicariously through the suggestion of sensation I am offered by the strange creature that takes my post.
Ah, but if so much time is passed with little of note, is it so wrong to just close my eyes for a while? To sleep the sleep of those liberated from midnight's anxious thunder, with little care beyond complete and utter surrender to the world beyond the veil?
