#tw programming

need to go to bed but GERD is causing stomach ache and will make us puke the moment we go even slightly horizontal, and also it's going to be an enormous fight against programming. we honestly will probably not get to sleep for hours regardless of how tired we are because whoever-the-hell will be endlessly chanting "dogs don't sleep in beds" or "bad dogs don't deserve beds" or "bad dogs sleep in crates" etc etc. there's someone here but even though she's here and controlling the body, we can't access her (ie, talk to her or otherwise directly interact with her). the latest folks to have come out of our programming (The Dogs, Bile, this new dog (who, to be clear, is not one of The Dogs)) speak to a much more disorganized process with no determined internal managers to make things run smoothly, versus how the larger sidesystems created. we've been theorizing that multiple groups had access to us and were using different (but connected) methods since that's not uncommon, but we don't know for sure if that was the case or even who those groups would be because we were too young and too traumatized to understand (at least until someone, whether a single headmate or group, pops up and has the memories to fill in that part of the puzzle).

I feel like Im being spun again even though im completely still.