“Your trauma doesn’t excuse the way you act” I was LITERALLY conditioned and programmed to act this way wtf do you mean it doesn’t excuse the way I act I WAS LITERALLY BUILT TO DO THE THINGS I DO
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“Your trauma doesn’t excuse the way you act” I was LITERALLY conditioned and programmed to act this way wtf do you mean it doesn’t excuse the way I act I WAS LITERALLY BUILT TO DO THE THINGS I DO

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I am not ashamed of what abuse I was put through. I wish it had never happened but I will not shame myself for being groomed, I will not shame myself for being conditioned into things. I will not shame myself for the negative outcomes that happened from years of abuse. I am in recovery and I will stay in recovery until I feel better. I have never hurt anyone and I will continue not to hurt anyone, I am not a bad person for being disordered. I do not want these feelings and I will never act on them because they are not mine. The thoughts implanted from conditioning and programming are not my own, and I will continue to heal by doing what my therapist says no matter who says I will never recover. I am not a lost cause because of my programming
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When we were low functioning and trapped we had lower barriers between our side systems, we could interact with them in some capacity, we started to get fragments of memory back. Now... now we're back to complete shutout, it feels like the only way to remember again will be to endure the same abuses that caused them to begin with.
Things I have learned recently:
Be careful who you disclose your information to. Protect your system.
I've disclosed that I am a system on the site I've been on. I've had no fewer than 5 traffickers contact me specifically looking for systems and trafficking victims to exploit in adulthood. They don't make it obvious, I treat it like a game, I know how to talk to them, then I report them.
There will be others, mostly girls positioning themselves as victims too, they will give elaborate stories about their childhood assaults, I'm not sure if they are real or not but it doesn't matter, they work for traffickers too. They want you to open up.
Some are just degenerates who will want to exploit your trauma for their own pleasures. They will ask if you have fucked animals, they want you to fuck animals. They will ask if you were filmed as a child, it is a lead up to discussing CSAM. Some will ask about your programming (Not the term they use but that is obviously what they probe for) and traumas simply because they are looking for guidelines to do so to children themselves. Many want to find an adult woman to have children with to exploit. Many want to find out if your abuse was tied to an organization so they can seek them out.
They do not exclusively look for women to exploit, they also look for men they can 'corrupt', or men who were victims (from discussing it with some others on the site who had PDs and childhood trauma).
Be cautious, never disclose your inner workings, alter triggers, switching patterns etc. I do not mention my side systems, or programmed parts beyond my one most obvious alter.
It is scary how many of them exist, how open they feel, one was a therapist, one was a lawyer, one was a former pro athlete, one worked in tech. Some even gave me their full legal names. I don't trust that reporting does anything.
Granted overall it has been more good than bad, I had many lovely interactions and conversations, I don't respond to most DMs now, you have better luck being the one to find people first and initiate conversation. I think however being as we are, a life of solitude and masturbation might be a safer bet.
tried to look up programming/progam types im alredy feeling it but i just had like this gaspin thing i could get air i couldn't breath, i was dry heaving i collapsed um, is this a trigger/program? i know we ithink nbf have some on thing that that - Heavy blurry

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The survival rate of a secondary crime location is 3%
Do not cooperate, It won’t make your odds any better
I apologize for any long absences! I guess I will be diary keeping.. I haven't been consistently fronting within my system, I am accessed as I have been my entire life, but what am I necessarily supposed to do about it? I fight back, I live another day, and then I forget, I find human life to be so beautiful, humans are allowed to change and grow, to be new in every experience, sometimes I align to heavily with steven universe, how gems are curated to be one thing and one thing only, In my mind I think of ramcoa. I am made to be one thing and one thing only, alters are made to be one thing and one thing only, a concept of a subject or a specific line of torture. I find ramcoa survivors that fight everyday to be their own person so beautiful, to be people is so beautiful, and I love every person for their fights to be their own, please, never stop
Genuinely thank you for saying something publicly about this. Even if RAMCOA survivors are delusional (we are NOT) I hope these idiots realize that going into these spaces and telling someone their delusions are… delusions can get someone killed. You’re not “saving the delusional” by “telling your story” of an anecdotal case that certainly isn’t the case for all organized abuse victims, you’re just causing them worse problems.
But let’s just forget the fact that some of these recognized cults PUT ONLINE HOW TO TORTURE AND CONDITION CHILDREN FOR EVERYONE TO READ and the government does too! It’s literally so easy to look up the documents and scroll a bit to see that it literally is real.
Those posts are soooo annoying
hey, no problem. I call it like I see it.
And... yeah. Even if for a second we say we're going with the "delusional" angle, I thought we all understood that reality checking people without their consent/or being a professional in a safe environment is highly unsafe??? Whaaat the fuck are people doing.
I do think that people who were wrong about their experiences should be allowed to do so, theres definitely no shame in being mistaken. The problem is going "hey I was wrong so you're all wrong and lying to yourselves and need help". That! Is not cool!!!
Im a little baffled so many posts like that have popped up in the past week. One is annoying but normal for the course. But so far I've counted maybe three in the span of a week? Which might not sound like a lot but. Its. More than usual. I find it strange and annoying, too.
You're welcome again. Ive been getting tired of seeing this shit and decided id take a swing. Someone's gotta, I figure, and I can get a little protective of my friends who I know this harms!!
I hope you have a nice whatever time of day it is where you are, anon!!