The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He—wait. Why dost the Lord hath clippers.
The Lord sheareth me.
“Jesus Shaves”
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@kingofwierd07
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He—wait. Why dost the Lord hath clippers.
The Lord sheareth me.
“Jesus Shaves”

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Control Resonant predictions:
- Ahti sings another kickass song
- Jesse and Emily get married
- Zane and Darling doomed yaoi
- Dylan explodes the US government and frees us from these capitalist chains (finally)
- Alan Wake shows up
glados would love making AI art. she would be like heres a picture i drew, for you. thats you falling in that fiery pit. your arm is on backwards . i did that on purpose, as a metaphor for how you're so backhanded. here, let's pull up another one. that's you dying from neurotoxin. oh, dear, your hand's been replaced with an image of an anvil. i also did that on purpose. honestly, you’ve got to figure that one out yourself, you can't possibly expect me to explain all my symbolism.

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Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?
It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!
It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.
Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this
Hell yeah moon holiday
Ooh coming up we should celebrate
PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)
MOON DAY MOON DAY MOON DAY
moon day is 20th July!!!
Scheduling this a day earlier to remind you all and myself about the Moon Day tomorow!
Happy moon day to all who celebrate
This is your reminder to prep for Moon Day on July 20th.
MOON DAY MONDAY THIS MONTH NOT A DRILL!!!!!
In the club
I think I’m literally never gonna be sick of this masterpiece. I think watching it on a loop for eight hours could fix me. Dancing’s what clears my soul. Dancing’s what makes me whole.
I just love that this very video is an accumulation of thousands of years worth of art made by people who have never met each other. The concept of this video was so completely unfathomable to every single artist who made the sculptures and yet they’ve all put something toward the creation of it.
ITS BACK ON MY TIMELINE
australian sour patch kids have gluten in them i am truly at my fucking limit im crashing out im waging war against wheat idgaf anymore
oh is that one of those things where ableist companies put in traces of common allergens so they can just avoid the cost of making it safe
WHAT
A trend we predicted in 2016 continues.
US based but it’s similar reasons in other countries. and of course many companies have international locations. idk if that’s why it’s happening with sour patch kids but this is a thing
I cannot even explain how ANGRY I am at this.
My nephew is very allergic to eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame. Last year my sister discovered all hot dogs and hamburger buns now contain sesame. Not "may contain", but listed in the ingredients. This year basically every brand of sliced bread also now contains sesame, making it very difficult to find bread items he can eat.
They're just adding it to their products, so they can just list it as an ingredient and not bother with worrying about cross contamination. And they aren't even bothering with telling anyone. Capitalism is going to kill us all.
"Which brings us back to Kellogg’s. Back in 2016, the company found a way around the added burden and expense of complying with the FSMA: they simply began adding trace amounts of peanut flour to their cracker products. Doing so allowed them to list peanuts as an ingredient of the product, freeing them from having to prevent cross-contact.
At the time, Kellogg’s notified Food Allergy Research and Education (FARE) about the impending change and left it to them to warn the allergic community. In this case, Pearson’s didn’t even bother as near as we can tell."
I wonder if that’s part of the reason behind my seeing an upswing in products adding corn starch or corn flour to things that didn’t have those before? <- rhetorical question, because I’m certain that’s what’s going on.
I cant go to my local libary anymore because last year when I stopped by a librarian was reading a book I wrote under a pen name years ago. This book sold under 10k copies and I've literally only heard people talk about this book online *if* I went looking for it so I went up to them and tried to start a conversation like "oh hey I've heard of that book is it good?" Like hoping for some real feedback and she goes "yeah I love reading things by queer writers" and in a moment of terror I was like "oh but- hold on, I thought the author was some old hetero white guy?!" A thing I thought because I used my own dead grandpa's picture for the author pic because grandpa never had internet. I fake looked it up and was like "yeah if he was queer its not public?" And without looking up this absolute unit goes "oh the author bio is obviously fake. I'd bet my left leg the author is a west coast millennial non-binary queer who has never lived on the east coast." And then proceeded to rattle off a dozen linguistic flourishes that are specfic to the pacific northwest that are in the book and several that are nearly ubiquitous in the state where I said my pen name lives that are somehow completely absent from the book.
So you know. Got read for fifth and didn't even find out if she liked it.

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Guys. Come on now. I don’t want to make things too serious but here’s something you really have to remember:
Nova's tips for beating the heatwave:
1. Check that you have good access to shade trees, a shelter custom made to fit you and all your friends, and plenty of good airflow
2. Find the hottest, sunniest, and least windy part of you pasture and lay down
3. Make sure you look as much as possible like you have died of heatstroke
4. Get your friends in on it
A horse's biggest purpose in life is to make you think they died
porn is bad because [christian talking point] and [alt-right study] and [misunderstood neurochemistry] and of course [feature of capitalism]
thank you SO MUCH for reminding me about [feature of patriarchy] and [problem caused by lack of kids' sex ed] random tumblr user in the notes! louder for those in the back!
The adult content warning on this post is really just the icing on the cake
Texts From Superheroes
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Do you follow football? Are you watching the world cup? Do you have a favorite team?
i'm a tumblrina i don't know sportsball sorry <3
there is nothing straight or platonic about the way Emily says "Jesse" in the Paranatural Manhattan trailer btw