pulling weeds is weirdly a learned skill that requires way more technical and practical knowledge than people realize
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pulling weeds is weirdly a learned skill that requires way more technical and practical knowledge than people realize

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Spin-off franchises of The Mummy (1999) that we deserved
Obviously, given that stinkweed Beni gets his comeuppance at the end, like nasty little fellows always do, his inevitable spin-off franchise would be about him as a mummy, in which someone (let’s be real: Jonathan) accidentally resurrects him, and he uses his newfound undead powers to indulge in incredibly low stakes petty crime. His plans are scuppered when, due to his newly mummified status, he accidentally leaves his fingers behind in someone’s pocket.
Jonathan’s spin-off franchise would be about him trying to sell ancient artefacts on the black market and coming across a genuine cursed statuette and accidentally becoming the human vessel of Osiris, and thus the most powerful being on Earth, and HATING it, because with great power comes great responsibility, and Jonathan’s opposed to that on a deeply moral and ethical basis. Eventually, he realises that he can use his powers for good (e.g. giving cosmic wedgies to the Bembridge Scholars) rather than evil (e.g. teleporting so much gold into his mansion that the upper floors cave in) and he’s much happier, until Ardeth Bay ruins his fun by performing a ritual which makes him mortal again, because he’s a total square.
Ardeth Bay’s spin-off would follow his time in between The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, in which it’s revealed that the reason he’s so shit at stopping Imhotep’s second resurrection is that he’s spent 10 years trying to learn how to be a better uncle to Alex than Jonathan. The whole film is very domestic, except for the part where Ardeth is being followed by a rival group to the Medjai, who want to kidnap him and resurrect Imhotep again just out of spite. Luckily, their plans are foiled when Ardeth, who’s recently learnt how to play rugby so that he can impress Alex, kicks a ball so hard at the group’s leader that he dies.
Anck-Su-Namun’s spin-off franchise can be summed up really succinctly as ‘hot lesbian royalty in Ancient Egypt’. I don’t think I need to add anything more to that.
An ensemble comedy in which Jonathan accidentally resurrects Anck-Su-Namun and Ardeth Bay tries to stop him, but then they’re both just like “oh, no, she’s kind of cool without Imhotep around to be all brooding and weird,” and they all become best friends and go to the theatre a lot.
A thriller-comedy in which Ardeth Bay (bisexual king) and a reincarnated Anck-Su-Namun (lesbian queen) are tasked with stopping the evil reincarnation of that fucking awful pharaoh from the first film, and it takes place in New York in the roaring 20s. Imhotep is also there, somehow, and he agrees to help them out, on the proviso that he gets to stab the pharaoh again.
A buddy-comedy in which a still-mummified Anck-Su-Namun (a bit stabbed but mostly just dessicated) comes across the recently deceased Beni in the tomb at Hamunaptra, and resurrects him for some immortal company. The two of them escape Hamunaptra and just spend 2 hours Fucking Shit Up in Cairo.
historical fiction that make you google things like
“Is it common for people in the 1800s to call each other ‘joy’ single word”
“Early 19th century terms of endearment with quotes”
“Georgian era precedent for vocative direct address ‘soul’ between friends”
Hudson Williams for The Cut
HEUCHERA
This week's Rhombus House Garden post is a simple PSA to let you know that I fucking love Heuchera (aka Coralbells).
They're shade tolerant, perennial and hardy in zone 4, divisible every 2-3 years so that then you have twice as many heucheras. They're native from Ontario to Georgia and Nebraska to Louisiana.
They are the "oops all berries!" of garden plants with leaves as bright and colorful as the flowers of other plants.
Check this out.
Simulate an autumnal forest floor from spring through frost.
Or, go goth!
Get FANCY with variegation and coloring!
Celebrate your love for Color Theory!
You can even do pastels if that's your jam.
Anyways, please appreciate Heucheras. This barely scratches the surface of their beauty and variety!

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A lot of people don't know about why lawns are so disliked outside of how they are a waste of water, so here:
carbon emissions put out by lawn mowers (and other devices like leaf blowers). Lawn mowers produce significantly more greenhouse gases per hour of use than cars, and majorly contribute to smog.
Fertilizers get into bodies of water and cause algae blooms, converting all the diverse water plants to homogenous green slime.
Pesticides kill fireflies, bees, and all sorts of other beneficial insects, and many can kill or harm fish, birds and even humans.
Herbicides can have negative effects on the wrong targets too, but they are also causing common agricultural weeds to evolve resistance faster, increasing our dependence on pesticides.
Watering lawns does waste a lot of fresh water.
Lawns replace areas that once could have contained 100+ plant species with monocultures of frequently invasive species. Butterflies can't find host plants this way. Bees can't find food. Thousands of insect species rely on specific plants for food, and no other plant will do. A huge amount of the land is taken up by these wastelands.
Lawns also create dead, compacted, lifeless soil that is hard to grow other things in or near. The root systems of turf grasses are not robust enough to allow water to penetrate in. No matter how much nitrogen and phosphorous you dump on a lawn, it will still be lacking in the organic matter needed to create lush, absorbent dirt.
Dirt is supposed to be full of fungal mycelium. Scientists have discovered recently that the vast majority of all plant species are dependent on a network of symbiotic fungi attached to their roots for 80% of their phosphorous needs and 90% of their nitrogen needs.
Yes, this means that when you put a fungicide on your lawn, you've just nerfed that plant's ability to absorb nutrients by up to 90%. And you've also devastated its ability to absorb water, because plants are partly dependent on their fungi to get water out of dirt.
But fungicide isn't the only problem. Every plant in a natural environment is attached to multiple species of fungus, and most fungi are attached to multiple species of plant (though some are specialists). Trees literally use this system to send nutrients to other trees. We discovered recently that trees in deserts in California can survive extreme drought because they're attached to fungi that can break down rocks and extract water from the rocks.
If you don't have a good variety of plant species and rotting leaves and sticks and stuff, it doesn't matter how much fertilizer you put on it, your soil isn't "healthy" because it's not alive.
Vegetation that has been cropped extremely short doesn't hold in water, so a heavily maintained lawn is likely unnaturally dry for your climate, and a flower or bush in the middle of a lawn without tall grasses, shrubs and weeds nearby is getting pounded by the sun much harder than it's meant to handle.
Yeah, gardening isn't hard, most native plants are falling all over themselves to grow, it's just that the standard suburban backyard is ridiculously hostile to life.
Of course at this point you may be wondering
"What do I do instead?"
Well, here you go:
Stop weeding, spraying and fertilizing. Seriously. Stop it!! Stop it!! Chemical intervention in your lawn traps you in a vicious cycle of creating problems that need to be solved with more chemicals.
"Weeds" are a perfect example. Plants commonly considered "weeds" are adapted to take over areas that have been cleared out of other plants. Many "weeds" are actively harmed by the fungi that other plants depend on, meaning they can ONLY thrive in disturbed or devastated areas. The harder you work to eliminate biodiversity in your yard, the harder nature is going to bomb your yard with weeds.
By the way, google the "soil seed bank." Seeds can stay dormant in soil for years or even decades. If you want a "weed-free" lawn, get ready to apply herbicides for the rest of your life.
Mow less often. You really can't go wrong with this one.
Don't try to grow grass where grass doesn't want to grow. Lots of shade? Try moss. Extremely dry? Try drought-adapted plants. See what wants to grow there and let it do its thing.
It's fine to have a lawn area that you actually use. But if no one walks or plays on a stretch of your lawn, it should be something else. A wildflower patch, a stand of prairie grasses, some large shrubs, a grove of trees.
By the way, the idea that shrubs or flower beds are higher maintenance than lawns is wrong. The neat thing about native species is that once they've gotten settled, you literally just do nothing.
People think flower beds are high maintenance because people almost always underpopulate them. They think that there should be big spaces of mulch in between each plant. In a full sun flower bed that's actually filled to capacity, you shouldn't be able to see the ground. If your plants aren't babies anymore and there's still space, more plants.
if you live in an area that was once forest, PLEASE, plant some trees, and not just one tree. Trees are somewhat like guinea pigs, actually, they don't want to be alone. They send each other nutrients through their roots and screen each other from wind damage.
By the way, the "mature spread" of a tree as told on websites means when you plant it by itself. Trees can generally be planted 6-10 feet apart and be perfectly happy, they'll just grow taller and straighter instead of spreading out. (Look at pictures of forests.) HOWEVER large trees like large oaks should really be 25+ feet from structures and septic tanks
(Trees pop up by themselves in lawns. Constantly. Search for them in a woodland biome and you will likely find baby oaks and maples and other cool guys.)
Trees introduce competition for light into the areas you plant them, helping eliminate the "weeds." You know how fast your lawn grows up and gets weedy when you don't mow it? Yeah, that's partly because it's getting a CRAP TON of sunlight dumped on it with reckless abandon.
A shade garden gets "weedy" WAY slower, and unlocks all sorts of gorgeous flowers that don't thrive in a full sun garden. Fallen leaves serve both as compost and mulch. If you live in the right area for it and have room, you cannot go wrong with trees.
Also also:
Because lawns are such hard packed earth with a very thin layer of greenery and roots on, they are TERRIBLE at rain absorption and cumulatively a suburb full of lawns WILL flood more often and/or quickly than one with more 'natural' gardens like those derin has described
Lawns are also more prone to erosion because the root systems of turf grasses, as mentioned, are terrible at infiltrating deep into the soil, so don't hold it together the way a more robust and complex root system would
Trees are very good for biodiversity and wildlife AND can provide nice shade for a human on a hot day
louder for those in the back 📣
it’s crazy to me that every seed in existence is a little chemical computer taking readings of temperature and moisture and minerals and all that to see if it’s able to grow yet and they’re doing crazy stuff like going into full dormancy and waiting for species-specific conditions etc etc and some seeds will do this in the size of a dust particle (see: orobanche) and some will pack in extra starch and food and do it in the size of a coconut or something… just dissected this flower seed at work that was a woody two-compartment capsule with one embryo per compartment, the whole seed a little smaller than a dime, and I swear to god it had a full soybean’s worth of embryo and food packed in there. it’s just unfathomable to me
sometimes a seed strikes me as being like a little spaceship with on-board life support and stuff. all that’s inherently certain about a seed’s existence is that its parents survived nearby, presumably, so if all goes well it’ll be set up for some kind of success falling where it falls, but ideally the seed won’t see those exact conditions, because being too close could also hurt the seed’s chances of survival… as could being too far away, like if it ends up in a different habitat or ecosystem and the right conditions never happen. The whole food-on-board strategy was a huge buff when they patched it in after ferns and other spore-bearing plants, but it’s still basically outer space, right? Just deploying a hundred ships to different planets in the same star system, hoping it’s not so different down there that it’s unsurvivable? like every seed is a chance and different plants are putting different amounts of food, effort, and strategy into those chances. so you get a million different seeds from a million different species and they all look and act different from the ground up. you know what I mean, man. you know what I’m sayin
reblog if you hate the current interior design trend of painting everything white with hints of grey or black. ignore if you have no taste

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most seeds in the world are dry and then when they get wet they go dry again but sometimes the seeds will get a little wet and say 'what if we made mucus' and let me tell you man. those guys. they just aren't waiting for an answer
oh,
oh this is absolutely beautiful
I saw some James Webb Telescope scientists give a talk and one of them said this was her favorite image because she had waited and worked 25 years to see this.
200k notes is insane who the hell are u people
forms, especially complicated ones like villanelles and sestinas, are just poetic bondage
this was a shitpost, of course, but it was a sincere shitpost: the eroticism of bondage for me is, in part, the tension of asking to be bound, of desiring that constraint and working within its confines towards an outcome* that might appear to be at odds with the way the act looks. Then: Agha Shahid Ali on the ghazal:
…once a poet establishes the scheme–with total freedom, I might add–she or he becomes its slave. What results in the rest of the poem is the alluring tension of a slave trying to master the master.
The allure of a hyper-constrained form like the sestina, the sonnet, the villanelle, or the ghazal** is that the poet is working in a mode that is pre-defined, hemmed in, its wings clipped by the form itself, and forcing the poem, moulded by those constraints, to say something new, something that means something to the poet and to their audience – to express new thoughts with old forms. that is, the meaning of the poem is in tension with its form. it takes meaning from the form and from the tension.

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My favorite jokes are about mispronouncing philosophers' names but I'm afraid it's a nietzsche subgenre
Character Idea: Baba Yaganoush, the Baked Eggplant Witch