25 Crows In A Trench-coat

For the sake of letting the full story be known: you have to imagine that after another moment of horrified silence, Dead Wife giy bursts out laughing and says, with a bittersweet smile "yeah, that was her sense of humor..."

Oh fuck that's right I neglected the most important part of this.

For thousands of years humanity has selectively bred chickens to have larger breasts and to have to lay eggs constantly. We did it to get more meat and per chicken, but from the perspective of the domesticated chickens they’re sorta living in a very specific fetish scenario

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

i think that soy sauce fish and honey bear must be the very very best of friends

cabbages and onions are fighting to the death behind the grocery every night unseen by anyone

誰にも見られずキャベツとタマネギが毎晩八百屋の裏で死ぬまで戦ってる

les choux et les onions se battent à la mort derrière l'épicerie chaque nuit invisibles à tous

每天晚上卷心菜和洋葱藏在杂货店后边互相战斗至死

Kobis-kobis dan bawang-bawang mempertaruh nyawa bertarungan di hujung dalam kedai runcit setiap malam tanpa disedari sesiapa

setiap malam para kubis dan bawang bombay bertarung sampai mati di belakang toko kelontong tanpa ada yang melihat

repolhos e cebolas estão travando lutas até a morte toda noite atrás do supermercado sem serem vistos por ninguém

Los repollos y las cebollas se pelean a muerte atrás del almacén todas las noches cuando nadie mira

de kolen en de uien vechten tot de dood achter de kruidenier, door ieder ongezien

tá cabáistí agus oinniúin ag troid go bás taobh thiar an siopa grósaera gach oíche nach bhfeictear ag duine ar bith

зелето и лукът се бият до смърт зад магазина всяка вечер, беc никои дa види

Kohlköpfe und Zwiebeln kämpfen bis zum Tod hinter dem Lebensmittelladen jede Nacht, von jedwelchen Auge unbesehen.

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART

We need a flick where King Arthur wakes in modern Jamaica and is very confused.

I think that would be so much funny. He wakes up on a remote beach in Jamaica and he only speaks/understands Brythonic and Medieval Latin. Locals assume he was a tourist who fell from a cruise ship or received a head injury and floated away from a resort. The authorities cannot match his description to any missing persons reports and his fingerprints and DNA produce no hits on INTERPOL. They suspect he may be Welsh or French because the language he speaks resembles Welsh or Breton but France and the UK both state he is not a citizen of their country. Stateless and deeply confused, he is taken in by the community near the beach where he was found, being cared for by a number of local families and doing odd jobs. He slowly learns English and adjusts to the contemporary world, uncertain if his belief that he is the legendary King Arthur was formed by whatever traumatic event caused him to end up Jamaica or if he is actually King Arthur and Prydain is in eminent peril. Mysterious letters from Morgan begin to reaffirm his belief he is King Arthur. He must choose between staying in Jamaica and continuing the happy life he has made for himself or finding a way to get back to Britain without any documentation.

ancient king white boy stuns locals by ordering in perfect Jamaican Patois

He gets to Britain and everyone expects him to sound like a posh noble Englishman because that is the picture Malory painted but he prefers to speak Welsh and when he has to speak English, he speaks with a thick Jamaican accent.

I am whatever gender has the shortest line at the bathroom

​I see this one going places

Yeah. The bathroom

ah but which bathroom

the one with the shortest line did you not read the post

Not to be a bitch but sometimes people engage with fiction in the most boring way possible, and nowhere is this clearer than in videogames. Like what you mean you hate a character just because they were kind of abrasive when speaking to the player character? "They were mean to me" and it didn't occur to you to wonder why? Like, what might their attitude toward you reveal about the world? About the social dynamics within it? About their own perspectives and backgrounds and personalities? Does it even occur you to ask? Would you only have liked them if they bowed to your presence and talked about how great you are? Like I'm sorry but you're so boring. How boring fiction would be if it cathered to you