im mender

when we eventually come to know and see ourselves as girls (because this truth cannot be hidden forever), the deal begins to break. so long as we deny ourselves, we can continue to excel, but our breakdown is already underway. for now, we can continue to make beloved art, to be clever, to be quick. but soon enough, it seeps through the cracks in our skulls.

when everyone else sees not just that we are girls (in truth, they have seen this all along) but that we know we are girls, our permission to excellence is revoked. our usefulness is expended and the deal is forfeit. in general, we cannot be great artists or scientists or athletes so long as we understand ourselves as girls. our art is great, but we are problematic. our science is cutting edge, but we are unprofessional. our strength and our speed are against the rules.

we are so very useful to society, as long as we exist in the way that grinds away at our spirit and stifles our heart. it is not as if our ability suddenly disappears when we learn our worth, we still have just as much power to understand and illuminate this world, but to human society we are no longer acceptable, no longer safe. we have always been good tools, but in our own hands now we are weapons, which must be blunted.