Behind the Curtain with Adiyo

It’s so easy to spiral into comparison—wondering why their path seems smoother, why they seem to thrive so naturally. But I remind myself: social media is the highlight reel, not the behind-the-scenes. And the truth is, I’m not just building visibility—I’m building resilience.

Here’s what I’ve learned (and am still learning): 🌿 Burnout is not a badge of honor. Rest is part of the process. 🌿 Comparison is a thief. Stay in your lane and trust your timing. 🌿 Your art is enough, even if you’re still finding your voice. 🌿 Authenticity doesn’t have to look polished. Share what feels real to you.

This journey isn’t just about being seen—it’s about staying grounded. About creating from a place of wholeness, not pressure. If you’re feeling the weight of this balancing act, know that you’re not alone. And it’s okay to step back and breathe. Your art, your voice, your essence will find its way to the right people.

Some days, it feels like kindness is an endangered quality, hanging by a thread. The truth is, life throws curveballs at everyone. People carry unseen burdens, navigating their own private storms. But does that excuse snapping at someone who’s trying to help? Does it justify meeting someone’s vulnerability with coldness?

I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately, journaling and taking time to remind myself of the blessings in my life. It’s a practice that has grounded me in ways I didn’t expect. Life isn’t perfect, and some days are tougher than others. But each morning brings a fresh start, an opportunity to approach the world with intention.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. When negative energy starts creeping in, when frustration bubbles to the surface, it’s a signal. It’s your body and mind asking for a reset. Pause. Breathe. Inhale deeply, hold it, then let it go. Repeat. Channel that energy into something constructive—a kind word, a smile, even silence if that’s all you can offer in the moment.

Self-awareness is recognizing when your emotions are spilling over, threatening to stain your interactions. Kindness is choosing how you respond despite those emotions.

The world doesn’t need more harshness; it needs more understanding. More intentional pauses. More people asking, “What kind of energy do I want to bring to this moment?”

If today felt like a lot, you’re not alone. Just remember: tomorrow is a new day. With each sunrise, you get another chance to meet the world—and yourself—with grace.

It wasn’t until today, during a heart-to-heart with a friend who reached out looking for support, that it hit me: we’re deep in the solstice of winter blues. While I was busy being their safe space and avoiding my own feelings, they paused to ask me how I was doing. Funny how it takes moments like these to bring clarity, huh?

Let’s be real—I’ve been battling more than just the cold. Imposter syndrome has been loud in my head, self-judgment has been relentless, and self-doubt seems to have unpacked its bags for an extended stay. I’ve been questioning my productivity, my talent, and even my ability to just… keep going.

But today, I made a list of everything I’ve accomplished this year. Big wins, small wins, even tiny steps that felt like nothing at the time—they all added up to a lot more than I gave myself credit for.

Did you know: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is more than just feeling down; it’s a real form of depression triggered by shorter days, colder weather, and lack of sunlight. But the good news? There are ways to combat it and keep yourself grounded: 🌞 Get Sunlight: Even if it’s just stepping outside for 15 minutes. Natural light can do wonders. 💡 Light Therapy: A lightbox can mimic sunlight and help regulate your mood. 🧘🏾‍♀️ Move Your Body: A brisk walk, some yoga, or even a mini dance session at home can shake off stagnant energy. 📓 Journal Gratitude or Wins: Remind yourself of what you’ve achieved—it’s a powerful way to counter self-doubt. 📞 Talk to Someone: Whether it’s a therapist, friend, or family member, sharing what you’re going through can lighten the emotional load.

To everyone out there wrestling with restless energy and the weight of stagnancy: you’re not alone. Some seasons are meant for movement, but others are meant for reflection and healing. Even when it feels like you’re stuck, your inner work is progress.

✨Remember: winter doesn’t last forever, and neither will this.✨ Let’s give ourselves the same kindness we’d offer someone else. We deserve that, at the very least.

Self-compassion gives us room to be imperfect. It lets us be gentle with ourselves when we’d usually be our own worst critics. It’s not about lowering our standards but about knowing we’re okay even when we fall short. We don’t have to have it all figured out, and that’s more than okay.

Imagine treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a close friend when they’re down—offering patience, forgiveness, and encouragement. Self-compassion is like that: the thing that holds you steady even when self-esteem falters.

This relationship wasn’t just about verbal abuse; it was layered with mental, emotional, and even sexual abuse. The weight of it all sometimes makes the healing process feel endless. I stumbled upon old pictures of us recently while looking through my laptop for something else. We were together for a decade, so as you can imagine, the photos were endless. Some even made me smile—seeing us goofing around, both of us looking happy in those moments. For a second, I thought, Was it all bad? Did we have good times? But then reality settles in. Pictures don’t tell the full story. Were we happy, or was I just holding it together long enough for the photo?

Navigating trauma from something like domestic abuse, especially when it includes multiple layers of harm, is complex and confusing. There were times when I even wished the scars were physical so I could see them heal, feel the pain fade. The verbal wounds, though—they echo, making it hard to piece together what happened, let alone where I fit in it all. Self-compassion doesn’t come easy when self-blame lingers; I don’t know how to be kind to myself without feeling like I’m letting myself off too easy, even though, if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t hesitate to extend grace.

So, how do you stay kind, compassionate, and helpful, without draining your own energy? How do you stand beside someone without standing in their emotional storm?

For me, it's been about understanding my limits. I’ve realized that just because I can empathize doesn’t mean I have to carry their burdens. I ask myself, “Is my need to help them going to compromise my own peace? Am I sacrificing my own stability to lift theirs?” It’s tough, but it’s become clear that I can’t fully be there for others if I’m running on empty.

It’s also been a journey of learning to set boundaries—not easy for someone who wants to help, but essential. I’ve started to remind myself that it’s okay to say, “I’m here for you, but I don’t have the emotional space for this conversation right now.” Because no one should feel obligated to be a martyr for someone else’s healing, and we can only pour from a cup that’s full.

That’s the thing about a negative mindset—it convinces you that you have no control. It tells you that your dreams are too big, your challenges are too hard, and that change is too uncomfortable to be worth the effort.

But here’s the truth: those thoughts aren’t facts, they’re habits. And habits can be broken.

When I started learning about the growth mindset, everything shifted. Growth mindset says: You may not be perfect, but you’re capable of learning. You’re capable of changing, growing, and thriving. Every obstacle becomes an opportunity for growth, every failure a lesson, and every “no” a step closer to your “yes.”

The difference between a negative mindset and a growth mindset isn’t about being unrealistically positive—it’s about believing in your potential to adapt and improve, no matter what life throws at you.

Yes, challenges will come. Yes, there will be setbacks. But with a growth mindset, those moments don’t define you—they refine you.

Where I am now, I don’t see these moments as temptations to fall back into old patterns. Instead, they’re opportunities. Learning moments. They’re a mirror, reflecting how much you’ve changed, how much stronger and wiser you’ve become. And more importantly, they unmask the true intentions of those around you.

Some people aren’t interested in you—they’re interested in what you can do for them. They’re not returning because they’ve changed or because they genuinely want to be a part of your life. They’re returning because they see what they can gain from your growth, your energy, or your attention.

Discernment becomes your strongest tool here. It’s through that lens that you begin to understand who deserves a place in your life. Not everyone who asks for forgiveness, friendship, or love should receive it. Respect, trust, love, friendship, and forgiveness—these things are earned through consistent actions, not words alone.

When you’ve spent time understanding yourself, your attachment styles, and your pain, you realize the power of boundaries. You realize that the rose-colored glasses you used to wear only led to hurt. Growth comes from recognizing when to say no, when to protect your peace, and when to stand firm in your worth.

Lately, I’ve been actively working to unlearn a lot of the mindsets I was raised with, especially when it comes to making critical decisions. It's a struggle, let me tell you. Every time I face an important choice, I feel the weight of the world pressing down on me. I gather all the facts, list out my reasons, but then the self-doubt kicks in, and I catch myself asking for someone else’s opinion.

But guess what? Today, I found a tool that’s helped me start navigating this maze of anxiety, self-doubt, and the need for external validation.

Here's what I’ve been doing: grab your journal, open two pages, and follow this simple method:

On the first page, write down the situation you’re facing. Be honest and explain the possible consequences.

Leave a bit of space, and then write down the decision you've made and why you've made it.

On the second page, mark a date six months from now. Commit to revisiting your decision on that day to reflect on whether it turned out to be a good or bad one, and journal about what you’ve learned.

This has been a game changer. Every decision I make, I trust a little more. I no longer feel the need to second guess myself or seek approval from others. I’m slowly learning to trust my own process.

It’s all part of the journey, but I’m getting there—one confident decision at a time.

I've always been careful about who I let into my heart, showing my true self to just a few. Once I'm hurt, it’s hard for me to move forward, and even harder to know how to handle things. With a dismissive avoidant attachment style and a history of prioritizing others' emotions over my own, it’s been a journey to learn how to shift my mindset. If I could soundtrack my personality, it would be Sleeping At Last’s Two.

Just this weekend, I had a revelation: making decisions with calm and logic, without taking things personally, is a daily battle I’m willing to face. I’ve learned that for me, handling things before evening is key; anything past 7:00 p.m. is sure to bring out emotions I might later regret sharing.

The past few weeks, I’ve tried something new—embracing the Seahorse mindset, just going with the flow. Releasing old hurts, facing each interaction as if it’s a new day, a new moment, helped me reshape relationships I thought would stay broken. My relationship with my mom? We’re finally building something beautiful. And another relationship I’d given up on—by some unexpected grace—has found its way back.

When I sit down to journal each day, I anchor myself with affirmations like:

Good things are coming to me.

All my problems have solutions.

I have unwavering resolve and perseverance.

I am open to abundance in all areas of my life.

Every morning, I take a few minutes to write down what I’m grateful for. It’s amazing how a small shift like this can impact everything. My patience increases, my perception shifts, and I feel a little more at ease. Honestly, I used to think gratitude journaling was kinda cliché, maybe even a bit pointless. But opening myself up to it has made all the difference. And it's not about glossing over the hard stuff or pretending everything's perfect; it’s about acknowledging the good alongside the struggle.

For me, gratitude is about seeing growth, not just in the good moments, but in the challenges too. I’m thankful for the friends who’ve stood by me, and even for the ones who haven’t. Each connection, each experience has helped me reflect, dig deeper, and understand what I need to heal. Objectivity and relativity (understanding what we can control and what we can’t) have been my guiding stars on this journey of finding peace, growth, and, honestly, joy in the most unexpected places.

See, I used to have these huge expectations—not only of myself but of everyone around me. And when people didn’t live up to those images, I’d feel hurt or resentful. Now, I’m reframing that: people can’t let me down; only the versions I create of them can. And each day is a new page. I’m not the same person I was yesterday, and neither are they. That shift toward acceptance has given me space to enjoy the people in my life for who they are, right now.

So, here’s to practicing objectivity and relativity. 🌻

Objectivity is the practice of viewing situations, people, or information without bias, focusing on facts rather than personal feelings or opinions. It’s about seeing things as they are, without the influence of subjective emotions, assumptions, or expectations. Relativity acknowledges that perspectives, experiences, and values differ from person to person. It’s the understanding that context, relationships, and individual backgrounds shape how each person interprets a situation. It allows us to see things as they appear to others, embracing that there isn’t always a single “right” way to experience or respond to something.

Life feels lighter when you embrace the flow, when you release control over how others “should” behave, and instead focus on how their presence makes you feel.