#selfhealing

  🕯️🕯️🕯️

it’s always the quiet ones.

emily fields was never the loudest in the room, she didn’t need to be. she was the one who knew exactly how to blend in while everyone around her self-destructed in plain sight. she moved like water, flowed around conflict, let people project what they wanted onto her. she kept secrets. she held space. she smiled when it hurt. and no one really asked how heavy it all was.

✧ the ‘nice girl’ isn’t always nice, she’s just scared

let’s start here: performative softness is not kindness, it’s self-preservation. most of us didn’t become the nice girl because it’s who we really are. we became her because we had to.

maybe you were parentified. maybe you were the middle child. maybe your household was high-stakes, and keeping the peace felt like the only way to stay safe. maybe you learned early on that if you were polite, agreeable, and helpful, you wouldn’t be left out or punished or abandoned. you were never rewarded for speaking up, so you stopped.

emily’s storyline is full of moments like that. remember how many times she was guilted into loyalty? how many secrets she kept for other people’s comfort? how her own desires got buried under what other people needed her to be?

girlhood teaches us to be mirrors for everyone else. but being a mirror means no one really sees you.

✧ how to stop shrinking: the nice girl detox plan

okay, soft girl. here’s how we deprogram the performance:

🕯️ 1. audit your people-pleasing patterns

go through your day and ask: how many of my choices are made out of obligation? → did i say yes because i meant it or because i didn’t want to upset someone? → did i compliment them because i meant it or because i felt awkward? → did i shrink myself so they could shine?

you can’t change a pattern you don’t recognize. naming it is step one.

🕯️ 2. start disappointing people on purpose

this sounds dramatic, but it’s necessary. begin small. cancel plans. say no. don’t explain. don’t cushion. practice letting people be a little upset.

you don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that’s emotionally exhausting to maintain. the real ones will adjust. the fake ones will fade. both outcomes are gifts.

🕯️ 3. reclaim your anger

emily had quiet rage. and so do you. it’s time to honor it. being “nice” for too long makes you numb, and numb girls don’t glow. you need to feel the anger. write it out. scream into your pillow. lift heavy weights. listen to music that makes you feel like the main villain. anger isn’t evil, it’s clarity.

→ rage reminds you of what you deserve.

🕯️ 4. romanticize boundaries

make them beautiful. → “i don’t do last-minute favors.” → “i’m not available for gossip.” → “i’m prioritizing myself this weekend.” boundaries aren’t walls. they’re doors you control. if you’ve been too nice, boundaries will feel mean at first. they’re not. they’re just new.

✧ softness doesn’t mean self-sacrifice

emily’s biggest heartbreaks came when she gave too much to people who didn’t give back. sound familiar?

we’ve glamorized being the selfless girl, the empathetic one, the ride or die. but when you’re always the one giving, comforting, understanding, you disappear.

the “nice girl” is often lonely. exhausted. craving someone to finally ask how she’s doing. if this is you, know that your softness is sacred... but it needs protection. being kind shouldn’t cost you your peace.

✧ the new softness

instead of being nice, be mysterious. instead of being sweet, be selective. instead of saying yes, say “i’ll think about it.”

you don’t need to explain yourself.

🕯️ glowettee’s new girl code: → soft girls are allowed to be strategic → kind girls are allowed to be assertive → helpful girls are allowed to stop helping → good girls are allowed to get angry

✧ your new routine

create a lifestyle that supports your unlearning, these are things i actually do as a certified-ex-people-pleaser:

🗝️ morning rituals: → tarot pulls + emotional check-ins (if you don't believe in tarot, try affirmation cards <3) → voice memo journaling: “what am i holding back today?” → setting your three sacred no’s for the day

🗝️ aesthetic habits: → muted lipstick, claw clips, satin robes → walks in nature without music → pinning eerie feminine fashion on pinterest

🗝️ glow-up goals: → therapy to unpack your good girl origin story → learn to say “let me get back to you” → start a private blog to tell your real thoughts

✧ soft girls can bite back

emily fields was never weak. she swam every morning. she held her ground in interrogation rooms. she loved hard. she took hits and kept going. she had the kind of strength that’s underestimated. and that’s what makes it lethal.

you don’t need to be loud to be powerful. you don’t need to be rude to be respected. you don’t need to be a “girlboss” to set boundaries. you’re allowed to be soft and sharp. delicate and dangerous. pretty and protective of your energy.

you don’t owe softness to anyone who hasn’t earned it.

🕯️🕯️🕯️

mindy’s final tip: if you’ve ever felt like being nice was your only power. reclaim your fire. you’re not mean for choosing yourself. you’re not selfish for having limits. you’re not “too much” for being done with pretending.

a brand new notion template, made by me, specifically for people pleasers!!:

🕯 a printable “soft girl sabotage” worksheet to decode your trauma-coded softness 🃏 a Notion tarot spread called “the soft girl spellbreaker,” where each card reveals a layer of your hidden power 📓 guided journaling altar to help you make a ritual out of self-reclamation 🎧 playlist to set the vibe 🖤 dark coquette, eeriecore, soft psychology aesthetic throughout

🖤

🕯 repost if you’re done being nice.

You are the cause of whatsoever is happening to you. You are the cause, and the world is just a mirror. But it is consolatory always to find the cause somewhere else. Then you never feel guilt, you never feel self-condemned. You can always point out that here is the cause, and unless this cause changes, "How can I change?" You can escape into it; this is a trick.  So your mind always goes on projecting causes somewhere else.

no one talks about this enough: you can’t manifest clearly when you’re in a fight‑or‑flight spiral. when your body is in survival, your brain isn't focused on vision — it’s trying to not die. so if you’ve been forcing visualizations, looping affirmations, or scripting obsessively… and it’s not landing? you’re not blocked. you’re dysregulated.

signs you’re trying to manifest from fight-or-flight 𓂃

✧ nothing feels believable, even your “positive” affirmations ✧ you're constantly checking for signs, updates, messages ✧ you feel tired after scripting — not clear ✧ you rewrite the same things obsessively and feel worse after ✧ you say you’re “trusting the universe” but you mean “controlling harder with prettier words”

ways i bring my body back online ʚɞ

✧ five deep belly breaths — not shallow ones ✧ stretching on the floor like i’m defrosting ✧ putting my hand on my chest and saying: “we’re safe now” ✧ not affirming. just observing. “i feel tight. i feel afraid.” no judgment. just noticing. ✧ cold water on my wrists ✧ walking for no reason except to remember i have a body

when your energy is safe, manifesting gets quiet ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡

you stop grasping. you stop obsessively proving. you stop micromanaging your reality.

and from that space? belief feels real again. visualizing doesn’t make you tense up. you’re not hoping — you’re holding.

This is your sign to celebrate the fact that you’re still here 🤍

You’ve been holding it together longer than anyone knows. Smiling when you’re hurting. Pushing through the days like your heart isn’t screaming.

But something in you is tired. Not lazy. Not lost. Just… tired of pretending you're okay.

There’s a version of you on the other side of this pain. Not the perfect one. Not the fully healed one. Just the one who finally said, “I’m not giving up on myself.”

If you’ve been feeling like you’re drowning quietly in your own life This isn’t your ending. It’s your return.

📘 This Is How You Come Back to Life A book created for the ones starting from zero. For the souls who want to rebuild gently, powerfully, and on their own terms.

☕ When you’re ready, start here - your comeback begins now.

as stupid as it sounds i’m 99% certain that i’m addicted to weed.

Now hear me out - i know weed isnt a hugely addictive substance but i started smoking it 10 years ago (when I was 17) and I’ve never stopped for more than a month. I struggled with anxiety and still do, so weed immediately felt like it changed my life when even my other meds (antidepressants) helped, but didn’t get rid of the anxiety…

Well, weed did. So, i started smoking EVERY. DAY. and never stopped. I smoke multiple times a day every day and have for about ten years.

Over the past three years ive tried to quit 3-4 times and haven’t been able to. It’s having detrimental affects on my life at this point because i cannot deal with anxiety or stress or really any negative emotions without getting blasted. I get high instead of taking care of things like chores, college work, and time with my partner.

The idea of going a whole day without smoking gives me really intense anxiety.

I know if i tried to quit on my own with help from my partner i would end up lying to them and myself and smoking behind their back. It’s happened before (they were understanding, but it shows how i cannot control myself with it).

All this being said.. it’s also financially ruining me. I cannot afford this anymore, but I cannot quit. I live in a legal state and I have PLENTY of people who would also just give me weed if I asked. I can’t quit on my own, I will just go and get more. I need help and i’m at a breaking point. I love weed and this sucks.