a huge part of healing to me is acknowledging how far I've come. This saved and saves my life over and over again, as it helps me recall my own strength. True healing is not all love nd light, that's right indeed. It is more about pulling myself out of the dirt, out of my own chaos. Over and over and over again. Being continously confronted with my shadow parts, my ego-mind, my own chaos and where it still needs to be resolved, felt , held, heard. And everytime I am being asked : am i reacting to it or am I responding? It is responding rather than reacting and it is acknowledging that I changed and am changing my patterns continously . It is realizing that everything in our lives is basically one single decision away that can literally change our whole live. OUR WHOLE LIFE.
I can choose to drown in my chaos, i can choose to get lost in there , soaked into it. Or i choose to recall my strength and remind myself just HOW many times I've pulled myself out of the chaos, of the dirt, of the darkness. Just how many times i learned how to swim , not drown in it. This is where true healing begins for me and where I feel myself soften towards myself, my reactions and responses, my patterns. And congruently, ofc also towards others and their patterns, rhythms, responses. Healing is deep, multilayered and oftentimes painful process-but worth it all of the time, at any second. I am learning to develop another perspective on pain and how I am dealing with my own pain. Alchemizing nd transmuting pain into beauty, into art, into love, into healing- that's transforming my own darkness into my Heart- und Soullight, warming myself with and through it. Holding myself gently , without judgement or anger ...is healing to me. It is showing me that after all this time , I am ultimately learning how to love myself. And I am so deeply thankful for feeling this.
