Supergirl Comments on Kryptonian Controversy
(Transcript of Clark Kent's exclusive interview with Kal-El and Kara Zor-El)
Clark Kent: Superman, Supergirl! Thank you for agreeing to this interview. I'm sure you would like to set the record straight after... recent revelations. I hope you don't mind if we cut to the chase. Supergirl, I've been told that you are much more familiar with the Kryptonian language. Was that message legit?
Supergirl: Yes. Pretty much. I rewatched the complete footage without the English voice overs and... Yeah, other than a few particularly strong word choices from your translators, the gist is still basically the same.
Clark Kent: So... Superman really was sent here to Earth to conquer the planet and to populate it with Human-Kryptonian hybrids?
Supergirl: ... Yes. But, just so we're clear, most of Krypton did not share those views. Our planet had pretty rough periods throughout its history, same as any other planet. Everyone had their own opinions. Folks who agreed gathered into their own groups, etcetera. You know... My father, Zor-El, and his brother, Jor-El (Superman's dad), were both scientists who warned Krypton's council that the planet's core was unstable. But no one listened. So they each went with different plans to preserve Krypton. But they had different ideas of what actually made Krypton great, which eras represented the best of our planet... My uncle sent Kal-El to Earth to conquer it --
Clark Kent: Which is insane and not cool--
Supergirl: I know, right!
Superman: For the record, I was sent here as a baby, --
Superman: -- so I was not aware of that part until recently.
Supergirl: ... Yeah, sorry about that, dude.
Superman: Why haven't you told me about this?
Clark Kent: Yes, Supergirl, why haven't you told him about this? This feels like a very important piece of information that you withheld from your cousin--
Supergirl: Okay, dude! Chill. Are you channeling Lois? I'm getting to that. (Sigh) So, my parents disagreed with your parents --
Supergirl: -- and opted to preserve Argo City and its residents inside a force field instead. That was the best they could do under the circumstances… And then Krypton blew up....This all happened before I was born, by the way… They saw your ship flying away on their way to activate the force field--
Superman: Why didn't they take me with them?
Supergirl: The planet was literally collapsing at the time! I already told you that!
Superman: … Well, yes, but not with this context… Kara, you don't have to talk about what happened to Argo.
Superman: Um, the entire city got Kryptonite poisoning and my uncle was forced to send her to Earth, as well. It's a sore subject. Let's skip it.
Supergirl: … Anyway. Me and my dog, Krypto, landed here on Earth and met this dork.
Superman: My Fortress computers pinged her escape pod--
Supergirl: Maybe calling it a "fortress" isn't helping your image, cuz.
Superman: I just thought it sounded cool. And that's how my Command Key translated it into English. Um, it took it a while to pick up the language from my adoptive parents--
Supergirl: Who will not be doxxed--
Superman: Who will not be doxxed. Yes. In hindsight, the whole concept of a having a fortress is… yikes.
Supergirl: It does make for a sweet superhero lair, though.
Supergirl: Maybe a bit too monochromatic at the moment...
Clark Kent: We should get back on track. Supergirl, you knew about the whole harem plot and kept quiet. Why?
Supergirl: Um. Yeah, I was actually pretty worried about that. When I first got here. Um, as I said, my parents were not on board with that particular plan. Before I was sent here, they uh... they kept reminding me to "be good" and to use my powers to protect people…
Clark Kent: They sound like swell people.
Supergirl: Yeah. You would have loved them. And they would have loved you.
Superman: ... Yeah... But, uh, based on their words... They expected us to be in conflict?
Supergirl: Yeah, I guess... Your dad's views were considered quite extreme on Krypton. Sure, he wasn't the only one, but overall, our people were pretty chill and quite content to live peaceful lives as regular folks under Rao.
Superman: Rao is our native sun's name.
Clark Kent: Ahem, so, Superman, your computers detected her spaceship?
Superman: Uh, yes. I detected it and tracked it for a month. Gary identified it as a Kryptonian vessel --
Superman: Oh, that's Robot Number Four.
Superman: He picked it. As I was saying, Gary identified the ship as Kryptonian and he sent a signal to draw it to the Fortress so I could meet up with my… fellow survivor, who turned out to be my cousin.
Supergirl: Of course, it was hard to communicate that fact at first.
Superman: Yeah, since I thought I was the only one left, I had neglected to properly learn Kryptonian--
Superman: Yeah, our native language.
Supergirl: Turns out I didn't have to worry about fighting him because he didn't get the shitty half of the memo.
Supergirl: Damaged in transit. Maybe the gods can be kind... When I realized that he had no clue about what his parents really sent him here for… I just decided to keep quiet. Your Earth parents raised you into a big cinnamon roll, and you were doing great as Superman, and you actually were living out "Krypton's truth" by being the best it had to offer… I didn't see any need to taint that. You deserve better.
Superman: … Thanks for looking out for me.
Supergirl: You make it sound like I'm the older cousin.
Superman: You know what I mean.
Supergirl: Yeah… Oh, my God! Krypto, step away from that dog! Krypto! Do NOT mate with that bitch!
Clark Kent: Shoot, that's my neighbor's poodle…
Superman: Um. Okay, folks. If your puppies ever start displaying any superpowers. Please, let us know. We have the ability and resources to safely relocate them to red star systems. For the sake of everyone's safety, please let us know.