i have no title and i must post

Except Dracula is a story that plays itself straight. The vampire himself is not stupid. He’s possibly the oldest vampire of all which means he upgraded from animal instinct and mindless echoes of past memories to someone who’s regained his critical thinking skills. The story begins because he’s already adapted to how the modern world works now by hiring a solicitor who understands modern laws.

He knows now that he doesn’t have to march into London with an army like he used to; He can just buy property and the laws of London are forced to respect that. Similarly he’s already experimented in and discovered loopholes to vampire rules and limitations; Vampires are bound by the permission of owners so he simply uses his solicitor to buy and own a bunch of properties. If he needs to be invited in, Dracula hypnotizes someone to let him in.

Vampires need to return to their grave every dusk/dawn (whichever comes sooner), which causes their coffin to act as an anchor that limits how far from it they can travel? Dracula simply rations the earth of his grave into fifty coffins and spreads them across London so his range becomes exponentially larger.

All of these things make the story almost come across as a deconstruction and it might just be! It’s just that Dracula the novel became such a trendsetter that people nowadays see it as playing things fully straight. It almost feels as if the novel is written with the idea that readers have a basic understanding of vampires and their rules, so part of the thrill comes in the revelation of how the titular vampire is working around these rules. Likewise I’ve heard it used to be a trope in English literature for a traveler to visit some foreign land with a monster and escape by going home. But here the foreign aspect of the story is just the first (and final) arc; The monster’s plan hinges on coming to the UK itself!

Ahsoka: I know how to fix this. Anakin: [gives her his phone] Ahsoka: ☄️ 🦨 ✏️ 🧧 🇺 📯 Anakin: What does that mean? Ahsoka: Exactly.

(Ahsoka chose emoji at random and it means absolutely nothing)

Several days later, Ahsoka sends random emoji strings to Palpatine, because Anakin didn't lock his phone and she's bored and she thought the Pa stood for Padme

(Padmé is in there as An for 😇)

Anakin, walking in with a bad mood and muttering about Ahsoka's phone priviledges under his breath: You're done when I say you're done.

Palpatine, igniting lightsaber: I see. How ...disappointing.

Things when bad: kids and children are involved!