Work in Progress

Like this. And it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to hear a soliloquy I loved so much already, and have it come to life in a way it never, ever, did before. I feel like I grasp his motivations, his twists and turns, no longer on an academic level but on a visceral, instinctive one. Because he’s presenting his mental and emotional journey in a way that speaks honestly, like a real person.

The first time they have to use it (over something stupid like a tiny ammonia leak), Grace wakes up to like three different foghorns and a hundred camera flashes going off at once and is like HOLY GEEZ THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US

RIP Rocky’s project

the belief is that this practice will carry into adulthood and will also help a kid develop an understanding of the world that comprehends their personal life is not the "default." it helps develop empathy for those who don't look or act like them. it is incredibly important that a kid encounter many, many, many books where the protagonist does not represent them except in ways that foster the connection between the child's concept of self-identity and the idea that everywhere, always, people have been people.

it is helpful to read a story about someone whose life is vastly different from your own and then develop empathy via recognizing that they, too, are scared or shy or hopeful or hurt or lonely or growing. and it is additionally very important that those "relatable" details do not cause a mental rewriting of that character to be "just like me."

when you've had that reading experience enough times, it becomes even easier to read about people you don't find relatable at all. you now have the scaffolding to accept that someone who isn't like you at all and doesn't respond or feel the way you do is shaped by things in their own lives that are different than your own, or have lived similar experiences but had another reaction to them. and you can read a story and enjoy it or take something away from it without ever sympathizing with a character, or via finding compassion outside your personal understanding, because you have internalized some of the vastness of human experience.

all this to say that OP is entirely right. i love my blorbos that i find relatable. they can be an important processing lens for me. but if that is the only way you engage with fiction, especially if you find yourself reacting very personally and defensively to how other people talk about those characters as if they are attacking you, then give yourself the education you didn't get earlier: read books about people who aren't like you. read short stories and essays and historic fiction and modern day lit written by people from other places and times, representing themselves or their own experiences, and become comfortable with the sensation of looking through windows into lives that don't look like yours.

if you read a lot of fantasy or scifi, maybe you think this is already true. but look closer: are your blorbos acting in a way you would act? are the characters, regardless of setting, experiencing their world via the way they were written with a lens very much like your own? that's okay for fun! those books aren't necessarily BAD. but look for things where you don't understand or instinctively agree with how characters behave, where the cultural norms are fully accepted and lived by the characters, where the context is unfamiliar, and then spend time with that. let it stretch you. let it linger while you think about how you feel, and what it means, and how it impacts your perception of other people.

A very tiny percentage of creators go on to be famous, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t remember little things you did for years and years. Who came up with most of the world’s most famous jump rope rhymes? Who coined some of the famous idioms we use in daily speech? Who made up ‘Jingle Bells, Batman Smells?” Somehow, all of these things stuck and spread around.

When I was a small child, I saw a high school put on a production of the musical HONK. In one song, the mother duck describes various dangers that her baby should avoid in the water, including fishing line, which could strangle him. A member of the ensemble played the role of fishing line, doing a maniacal laugh and over-the-top strangling motions, and I found it hilarious– and to this day, that’s an example I often think of when talking about how ensemble members can still stand out in theatre. The guy who played the role might not even remember that he did that, but I do.

I took Suzuki violin lessons as a kid. The teacher made up lyrics to some of the songs, and she let her students make some up, too. Now whenever I hear the instrumental of one of those pieces, I always remember these ridiculous lyrics about a skunk that we sang in violin class. I don’t even know which student invented them!

In middle school, I found a video about atoms parodying Bill Nye made by some kids for a school product. It probably had less than 1,000 views, but I think of quotes from that video all the time. They had a parody of “We Will Rock You” with the chorus, “Protons, neutrons, electrons” that I think about a lot.

My meme-ish poster about executive dysfunction, or "The Sits" as we call it in our house. This is to share my experiences with exec. dysfunction, everyone's a little different ☺️

That's not what Eva would call it if asked. She is not good at jokes which is apparent by the way this one falls flat. If Eva had to call it anything, she'd call it a ruse. A clever diversion. Of course the second coffee is for Dr. Grace but she knows better than to give a man who just vomited twice and whose throat is probably scraped raw a hot, caffeinated liquid. She didn't expect him to react this intensely to the experience but she really should have. He's a civilian, not military. She needs to remember that going forward.

So she pulls the cups to her chest and says “I need both” expecting him to look at her weird. But he's not missing a beat, just smiles crookedly and waves it off and Eva thinks once again: ‘I'm not good at jokes.’

☕☕☕☕☕☕

“Here you go.”

Eva looks up and there are two coffees sitting on her desk. Dr. Grace sits down next to her, sipping at his own cup, already distracted by papers he was handed for review.

Two coffees. Black.

She opens her mouth to tell him she doesn't need both but snaps it shut when he glances over at her and grins. She lifts one to take a sip and pulls the other one closer to herself.

It can't hurt.

☕☕☕☕

It keeps happening.

Two coffees. On her desk, waiting in her office, shoved into her hands on the way to another mind numbing meeting.

It doesn't happen all the time. Only on especially stressful days or when she is barely able to keep her eyes open. She's unsure if Dr. Grace knows it's just a bit that doesn't need to be indulged all the time or if he is genuinely concerned about her caffeine intake.

He doesn't tell her. She doesn't ask.

☕☕☕☕☕☕

He doesn't bring her two coffees when he meets with her to tell her that he can't do it, that he doesn't have it in him.

She's glad. She doesn't deserve it.

If he had, he might have taken one of them and thrown it in her face.

(he wouldn't)

She would deserve it.

☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

She orders the technicians to reprogram the food distribution part of Mary and assign Dr. Grace Ilyukhina’s coffee ration. The Russian woman rarely drinks coffee anyway. She will just have to deal. Eva feels guilty for all of a second before she soothes her own conscience with the fact that Grace will definitely share his ration with the woman anyway if she really craves some caffeine.

He's good like that.

☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

The launch goes off without a hitch. The atmosphere is somber and quiet. There is no loud countdown, no champagne for everyone. Just whispers and a table with some snacks and coffee.

Eva pours herself two cups, just out of habit. Puts cream and sugar in one of them.

Habit, everything.

She stares, unmoving, at the two cups sitting on the table for so long a hand reaches past her to take one of them, probably thinking they are up for grabs for everyone. It's the cream and sugar one, the one she won't drink anyway. She could let them take it but instead she grabs both cups before the other hand can.

“I need both,” she says.

The person next to her makes a face. Like she is being weird.