It's not "our ideas" of what Christians are. The word literally means "little Christ." The first usage was recorded in the Bible, in the context of a culture that affirmed homosexuality, using the term derogatorily.
So the word "Christian" means "Those non-affirming-of-our-lifestyle mini-Christs."
The word "Christian" literally means "acts like Christ." Christ claimed to be Yahweh. Yahweh declares homosexuality, "queerness," a sin. Therefore, there is no such thing as a queer Christian.
It would be like saying, "I'm a carnivorous vegetarian."
Words have meaning. You want to be in this social religious club that flashes a commonly-known name around, meets weekly, and picks and chooses what is true based on nothing but personal preference? Call it something else. Because that's not what "Christian" means.
"Christian" means you're picking up the flag of the Nazarene who lived 2000 years ago and claimed to be the God--the specific God that said, among many other things, "those who practice homosexuality shall not enter the kingdom of God." And that's the only flag you're flying.
Don't like that specific flag? Then you don't like Christianity. Stop pretending.
The Bible's pretty clear that there is such a thing as "the Church," which means people who fit the description "follower of the real Christ" and such a thing as people who call themselves the church but aren't, because they don't follow Christ. You'd have to be willfully ignoring huge chunks of the Bible not to see that, and to say things like "Christianity is not a monolithic, organized group." What do you mean by that? True Christians follow Christ. Christ is real and there are things about Him that are objectively true--and things about Him that are not. It's definable.
Finally, this whole premise of "love does not do anything that leads to someone feeling rejected, judged, dehumanized" comes from where? Says who? Who says that that's not what love does?
If a parent doesn't judge that a little kid's desire to smack their brother across the mouth is wrong, and as a result of that refusal to judge, just lets the kid keep doing it, that parent is unloving. Because the kid will ruin their relationship with their brother, deprive themselves of a positive sibling relationship, and the brother will be physically and emotionally injured, because that brother's natural conclusion is that the un-judging parent doesn't care enough about them to make a judgement call that leads to intervention.
So we've established that "judgement" can be a loving thing to do.
Now let's talk about "rejection." You can feel rejected but not be rejected. When the parent stops the kid from smacking their brother, the smack-happy kid can feel embarrassed and resentful toward the parent. Because on some level, they really wanted to hit their brother. Maybe they even felt it was the right thing to do, quite strongly. And the parent is doing what? Rejecting that desire that the kid has. If the kid identifies strongly enough with their desire to hit the brother? Then the kid will feel "rejected" when the parent rejects that desire by stopping it and declaring it to be wrong. The kid feels rejected. But is the kid rejected? No. The parent rejects that desire the kid is having—it's a wrong desire, it's something the kid shouldn't have and doesn't have to cling to or act on. And the parent knows it's going to hurt the kid. So in calling the desire "wrong," and rejecting it, the parent is doing the opposite of rejecting the kid. Who you are does not have to be what you desire.
So you can love someone while rejecting what they desire—and it's not the same as rejecting who they are.
Last one. Let's go to "dehumanized."
Who gets to decide what "human" means? If it means "never does something wrong that should be turned away from—" and therefore Christians should never make LGBTQ+ people feel like they've done something that's wrong that should be turned away from—then none of us are humans. Because, as stated before, other actions like drunkenness or pettiness or selfishness are wrong and should be turned away from—and that's what all Christians do. They admit their wrong and turn away from it. They actually believe that all humans do wrong things which should be turned away from.
So by definition, if a Christian is saying to someone, "what you're doing and accepting and identifying as is wrong, and it's hurting you, and you should turn away from it—and I know this because I used to do it too" then they're actually including LGBTQ+ people in their group already. They're saying "you're just like me. Except you haven't decided to turn from what's hurting you and embrace Christ as your identity yet. I'm inviting you to do that part."
It's all in 1 Corinthians 6.
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
So we've established that it is not inherently unloving to judge, and just because someone feels rejected or de-humanized doesn't mean that's what they are—nor does it mean those feelings are the result that the Christian intended or communicated.
So. Who gets to decide what "love" means? God, who is Love. Who gets to decide what "Christian" means? Christ, who is God. You can pretend. But you can't change what those words mean, any more than you can change what you are.
Repent and turn to the One who can. It is what I did. It is what all Christians do—we let Him change everything we are because we agree with Him, the righteous Judge, who said we needed it. And it would be unloving for me to say anything else, because letting someone harm themselves by rebelling against the God who judges justly without saying a word is not love.