My garden of musings

Case in point!

I'm reminded of the time we read Kafka's The Metamorphosis in school and the teacher asked us to raise our hands if we actually thought it was about a man transforming into a bug, and....I raised my hand. Because yes??? That is literally what happens! However, I also understood and knew it was acting as a metaphor too! But just because it is a metaphoric commentary on mental illness / disability and the way people around you change their treatment of you, doesn't mean the actual story is not literally about a dude who turns into a bug!

In-universe? Elsa has ice powers. Magic that creates ice and snow comes out of her hands, which can bury a whole kingdom without her even realizing it, which can stab you with ice shards or even conjure up a snow-monster to chase you away, and which will slowly transform you into ice if a blast of it hits you in the heart. This magic is linked to her emotions and becomes hard to control when she's upset, but can be controlled by love.

You need to get off Facebook, they have the worst takes 😅 (honestly, it's ridiculous over there)

oh boy I seem to have touched a nerve

so, I agree with none of these assessments of Rochester except "liar." the internet seems to have forgotten this, but grooming means conditioning someone to accept (in this case) otherwise unwanted romantic and/or sexual advances.

is it weird that Jane is 18 and Rochester's 40? very much so! even within the text people comment on it! but their romance is definitely not grooming. they have some fairly normal conversations and then she's madly in love with him. (and if you mean grooming in the even move common internet sense exclusively implying child abuse, Jane is very much acting as an adult within her society, albeit a young one. there were average age gaps back then, but there were not the social barriers between New Adults and Older Adults that we have now. you were just Not An Adult and then An Adult, end of)

as for abuse, if you're talking about Bertha...taking the text at face value, he doesn't do wrong by her, IMO. she has Incurable Violent Psychosis of Never Coming Back From this Ever. medications are not a thing. therapy is not a thing. divorce can only be obtained in cases of infidelity, and if HE wanted to sue for divorce, he'd have to prove that SHE had been unfaithful. which she is seemingly incapable of doing because, again, she recognizes no-one and is not lucid

he has two options: keep her at home or send her to an asylum. now, an early 19th century asylum COULD be fine and try to help her, contrary to popular belief. but it could also be abusive. and one might not know just upon going to view the place as a prospective "client," because they'd try t put their best foot forward

so he engages her a nurse. he gives her comfortable rooms and good food. he locks her in, but she is amply proven to be a danger to others (and herself, since she eventually commits suicide during the fire), so that seems unfortunately prudent. and I don't really see how he could do better under the circumstances

now, how the text handles Bertha, Doylist-style, is HIGHLY open to criticism, through lenses of racism and ableism and more. Mr. Rochester and Bertha are not people; they are characters, and they reflect the author's deeply flawed ideas about race, mental illness, culpability in marriage to a spouse whose mental state deteriorates, and more. but again, taking it at face value, I don't think he does abuse her

obviously he lies. the guy tries to marry a woman without telling her he's already married. that's a pretty huge transgression. and before that he tries to make her jealous by pretending to be engaged to another woman. but it's a Gothic novel, so...par for the course

whereas St. John is actively shitty to Jane. you want to talk abuse? try "forces a woman to abandon her own wishes and plans and do what he wants, tells her she's not made to be loved, tries to use religious coercion to override her refusal of his marriage proposal, tells her she's going to hell if she doesn't marry him, at times straight-up says that yes she will marry him actually, and is generally such a stifling and controlling douchebag that she thinks marriage to him might actually kill her and his own sisters tell her not to do it."

It's old-fashioned. It's modern. It's butch. It's femme. It's snazzy. It's practical.

Wikipedia talks about the bloomers and the leg-o-mutton sleeves, but I'm also noticing a lot of these outfits have absolute supervillain lapels, which I also like a lot.

I didn't know until now that it was real historical fashion!

Executive dysfunction comes from a lack of available dopamine. Common advice is wrong. You need to provide your own dopamine before you can start. Otherwise you're trying to run your car on empty.

"But what if I still don't do it" well you already weren't getting it done anyway. Now you have a little treat. Try again later.

You deserve kindness and care even when you aren't being productive.

I usually suggest this technique as a "Reverse Pomodoro." In the original Pomodoro, you work for 25 minutes and then take a break for 5 minutes (the times vary, but that's the essential ratio). People with executive dysfunction often find this insurmountable, and they get even more frustrated, and then the task seems even more difficult. So instead, flip those times.

FIRST, spend 25 minutes doing something energizing and engaging that you like to do. Not scrolling social media passively, not watching tv, not napping. Try something like colouring, doing yoga, running/walking around the block, talking about your favourite tv show with someone in real time, playing with the dog or cat, making and eating a lovely sandwich, hula hooping, something active. Having a little treat absolutely falls in this category!

(on the subject of little treats: refusing yourself food until you do work is for fucking Puritans and you can be kinder to yourself)

Then, after 25 minutes (or however long it takes to eat the sandwich or finish the yoga routine, it doesn't have to be exact), spend 5 minutes writing (or doing whatever you're struggling to start). Most people can coax themselves into doing something they find difficult for five minutes, if they have already filled up the joy/energy/engagement bucket. You can put a timer on for the 5 minutes if you want, or if you find that annoying, just work for as long as you like.

The other key is: don't push yourself to keep going when you're frustrated or tired—that will just reinforce the negative belief that you already have, which tells you that this task is painful to do, and needs to be avoided. If you've commonly had to force yourself to do this kind of task, that's likely part of why you think of it as painful and have trouble starting it now. Also, you should just, at a basic level, try not to put yourself in pain for the sake of productivity. So just do it till the good feelings run out. Then start hula hooping or colouring again for another 25 minutes. When the tank's refilled, try another 5 minutes of work, if you can. Adjust times to taste.

I think Jane Bennet is a complex character in her own way, but I don't think she's either the moral backbone or a parody.

Jane Bennet is a foil for her sister Elizabeth. I think they respond to their overly cynical and insulting father in opposite ways, Elizabeth joins along while Jane tries to think the best of people. Neither of them get it right, but Jane is the one who thinks they need more information, while Elizabeth relies on her first impressions. Both of them correct themselves and move closer to the centre: Jane is more clear-eyed when Caroline writes to her after her engagement and Elizabeth has learned how foolish she was about Darcy and Wickham. It's interesting that Wickham is a big factor for both of them, Jane refused to accept people in the world could be that bad, Elizabeth was taken in by him.

Instead of a parody of perfect heroines, I think Jane comes off as more of a tragedy of following expectations. Her modesty and good manners mean she does as unrealistically demanded by her society and doesn't betray how much she likes Bingley. Unfortunately, this is used against her as evidence that she doesn't love him. She does everything right and still loses.

"The America I loved still exists, if not in the White House or the Supreme Court or the Senate or the House of Representatives or the media. The America I love still exists at the front desks of our public libraries."