To this house. Not a contemporary house, and the pentagons of those two windows on the left are a little unusual, but not particularly notable.
The sides of the steps to the front entrances are painted purple. Thatâs a little interesting.
POUR THAT PURPLE CARPET ON ME BABY (also that fireplace FUCKS)
You thought youâd bring your own furniture to this house? No. Only built-in seating covered with orange-pattered carpet in the purple living room.
This is where things start to get a little surreal to me. This house was built in 1975. But look how bright and new that carpet looks! It still matches the light fixture! And itâs in the kitchen! It looks like it was never used (weird), or that it was REPLACED recently (WEIRDER BY FAR).
This is actually a lovely bright dining space, if you can ignore the purple carpet of the living room running up against the blue carpet of the kitchen. As sometimes happens in a house.
Thatâs a new toilet. And thatâs purple carpet in the bathroom. And a pink sink where the material reminds me of tiny independent movie theaters or hole-in the wall restaurants.
The only way to move between the three floors of this house, friends and foes. I have one drink and Iâm sleeping on the orange built-in seating for my safety.
And nowâŚpink. (And some sliding doors which I hope open onto a balcony but I donât SEE anything like a balcony railing.)
Stepping back, Iâm still having trouble interpreting this room. My best guess is that itâs the main bedroom, with a semi-public area at the top of the stairs and then this is the more private area where the bed would go. But itâs not actually walled off. The decorative light switch cover shaped like a regular house is a nice touch.
This is a lot. I genuinely now start to think that this house was inhabited by beings that DID NOT USE BATHROOMS nor did they UNDERSTAND what bathrooms were used for. That carpet is so bright! So fluffy! It shouldnât look that way if itâs original, and WHO WOULD HAVE MADE THIS DECISION MORE THAN ONCE??? And it. It doesnât even match the shade of pink around the tub. And the blue tile in the tub doesnât match anything. ThâŚthe shower head. Is there. But there is no place to hang a curtain around the tub. IN A CARPETED BATHROOM. There are so many signs of remodeling, and yetâŚthe bathroom is stillâŚthis.Â
Non-Euclidian closet. First non-carpeted room we have seen.
I run from the non-Euclidean closet to face the stairs, which I fall down headfirst, dying instantly.
Ah, the lower level. Thereâs another sink in another carpeted area, but at least the built-in furniture isnât carpeted. Itâs fine.
This bedroom makes me think of dorm rooms, but from a bad alternate timeline.
This bedroom doesnât have carpet, but rather a portal to a different alternate universe.
Your best chance for normality in this house.
At least the childrenâs toilet room isnât carpeted? Iâve gotta count this as a win at this point. Iâm blocking the sink and counter from my mind. I do not see it.
Itâs fine. Oh THEREâS the balcony. âŚit has no railing. Friends and foes, I really think Iâd need my balcony to have railings in this house. But I guess if youâre an incorporeal being from another dimension who loves carpet, it wouldnât really matter.
Thank you for journeying with me.Â
(Btw it sold for about $160,000.)
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