Hew name is Lucy, she is well-loved, and she just looks like that all the time:

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

(content warning for irrelevant fatphobic joke)

“I used to work at a convenience store. For those of you wondering, it’s open 7 hours a day, 11 days a week. I was up at the counter, reading my magazine one day. Cuz ain’t shit was goin’ on. It’s an easy fuckin’ job. And this dude walked in, you know the type, pantyhose over his face. Looked like a skidmark going down the front of it, too. [shudders] And they weren’t tight, neither. Looked like the woman they belonged to, she step on a scale and it goes what the fuck- 

Well, he sticks a bang stick in my face, demands all the money in the register, and a carton of Newport shorts. So naturally, I thought I’d fuck with him. I opened up the register, packed up all the money. Grabbed a carton of cigarettes and set ‘em on the counter.

Looked him dead in his eye and says: 

“I’m gonna need to see an ID.”

He said, “wha-?”

I said, “man, state law. I gotta ID for the cigarettes.”

He said, “oh. I understand.”

[turns and reaches towards a pocket]

Pulls out his wallet, and shows me his ID!

That motherfucker was at the shallow end of the gene pool.

Well, when this happened, I figured, hm. I wonder how far I can take this.

So I decided I was gonna be cute. I rang up the cigarettes.

Said, “yeah man, that’ll be $31.20.” (if that doesn’t fuckin age the story....)

He, from the money I just gave him, handed me 40 and said “keep the change.”

This dumb motherfucker here.

Surprisingly, he took the shit and left. Then we called the 5-O. They showed up, asked us if we had a description.

I said, “I’ll give you his fuckin’ home address!”

Cop said, “How.”

I said, “he wanted all the money in the register and a carton of Newports. State law, I had to card him.”

For context here is a picture

I lived in Alaska for two years and I will never get over the sheer overwhelming bigness of it. 

Nights where the sky is clear you can see clusters of stars or the Northern Lights dancing. When the lights are rippling especially strong and fast you can hear a static crackle in the air. When the moon is out after it’s snowed, you don’t need flashlights to see. Everything glows and glimmers like polished quartz.  

But when the sky is clouded over so you can’t see the stars, you can kind of almost sense the mountains towering over you and helping to block out the light, these giant monoliths acting like this void darker than your soul. I’ve never experience night like Alaska night. 

Everything is big, the mountains, the sky, the valleys. 

Both options are great.

Because the thing is, when bigots pick fights, they are 100% counting on you to get louder than them. Or meaner. They want you to react emotionally and provide fodder for their 'You're Too Emotionally Immature To Understand' cannon.

What they aren't expecting you to do is say one of the following phrases in a polite, concerned tone:

Are you okay?

That's not the kind of language I was raised to use with others.

Do you need a moment to think on why that wasn't acceptable?

This is no way to engage in intelligent conversation. Please try that again in a kinder tone if you'd like this to continue. (I really like this one because it lets you turn their public-shame rhetoric around)

For those of you who'd are spiteful and/or dealing with Fundamentalists/Evangelicals/generally shitty Christians:

What's happening in your life to cause you this much anger? I can't imagine hurting so badly that I need to hurt other people.

Who taught you it was acceptable to treat other people this way? Certainly not the Jesus I remember.

Whatever happened to 'judge not lest ye be judged'?

If I talked like that in front of my parents or grandparents I would be ashamed.

I think there's something you need to pray on before we try and have this conversation.

And my all time favorite:

"It sounds to me like there are some seriously dark and angry forces at work in your heart."

(Nothing stops a Christian bigot in their tracks faster than implying the Devil is causing their bigotry. But you MUST be calm, polite, and gentle with your tone and wording. It is absolutely fair to twist the rules and play them at their own game, but you gotta play hard.)

For bees, there is only one type of sex chromosome, and sex is based on the count. Drones are X, and workers/queens are XX. When unfertilized, the queen gives lays eggs that are only drones, and when fertilized can lay eggs that are workers. Workers can then instead grow up as a queen based on diet and chemical exposure early in life. (We say that they are fed royal jelly which is true but isn’t all that is going on)

[most] Birds however, are WZ chromosomal, which works like human XY, except for birds two of the same is male and one of each is female. WW is male, WZ is females, essential the opposite of the system most mammals use.

However, this can lead to some really weird behavior like with cowbirds which are “egg mimics” which can lay eggs that look like the eggs of other birds. What’s weird about this is that the same species of cowbird can mimic dozens of types of egg. How is this possible?

Well, there are different versions of the Z chromosome for different eggs. So like Z-Robin or Z-Bluebird.

Say you are a cowbird and you grow up in a robins nest. If you are male, you are WW and can find any other cowbird to mate with. If you are female, you are WZ-robin and can mate with any cowbird, and when it comes time to lay eggs, find the type of nest you grew up in and lay eggs there, blending in with the other eggs. Female children will be WZ-robin like you, and males are WW and can mate with any other type of cowbird no problem.

Same thing with like WZ-bluebird or WZ-goldfinch.

Essentially you end up with multiple species of female that share one species of male.

biology is WEIRD

To be sure, most Mormons aren’t Nazis and don’t have favorable views of Nazis, but they are about as reactionary as Nazis, particularly with their obedience to the church hierarchy. Mormons like the conservative who hates everyone the fascists hate, but hates the fascists because “I’m an American, and we Americans love democracy and hate fascists,” obviously knowing nothing about, say, Chile in 1973, or how NATO was totally cool all that time working with Spain while Franco was still in charge, or how American industrialists coordinated with the Nazis before the war, or literally anything about the deeper history of America and fascism. But whether they know how fascist they are or not, they’re comfortable doing fascism, and a hiccup away from realizing they really do fundamentally agree with fascism, so long as their “prophet” is in charge.

A small excerpt from one of Joseph Smiths “revelations”

they also own the Polynesian Cultural Center in Hawaii and several elementary and secondary schools in mexico and the pacific islands. given the information previously provided in this post, this is particularly alarming.

during the obama romney election the leaders of the church sent out a letter to be read in every congregation that was like…remember to vote in a way that god would appreciate or else :) he may be upset w you :)

they also have $32 billion in business assets that they handle through church-owned finance companies (look up Deseret Management Corporation) so they don’t have to report their expenses. their holdings include swaths of land in utah, america’s 14th largest radio chain, and utah’s largest newspaper. oh and they’re just sitting on SO MUCH FUCKING LAND WHY DO HTYE OWN SO MUCH LAND????

It is terrifying and incredibly difficult to get out of.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!  Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well. Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Staring and blinking slowly Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you. Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it.  I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!

Yes, the legends are true. Cats headbutt you to show their trust and affection. They also do it to show “hey look I see you as family.” Lions do it with members of their pride to say the same. It’s not just because they want food.

Cats nibbling is indeed literally cats grooming you. It’s what mom cats do to their kittens. If a cat is gently biting and/or licking you, they’re now your mom.

Meowing can simply be for the mere fact they want to say hello, want to play or be pet. Again, not just for food.

They barely meow at other cats (except for kittens, they meow at mom cat), mostly just humans. There are exceptions but overall, meowing is almost always for us.

Cats squinting/slow blinking is indeed basically the equivalent of us smiling and/or kissing.

Cats, like humans, prefer to get things without having to work for it- which isn’t very common within other animals.

Cat massages or making biscuits is because they happy! Kneading is another way of saying “hey I like this moment here I enjoy you and my life.”

Cats recognize us by smell, sound, taste, and touch. They recognize us after years as their long term memory is extremely good. This is why abused or neglected cats are so easily scared or hard to connect with. If your scent changes over the years or just in the day, your voice will them it’s really you. Also, they will only remember you if you had impact on their life. If you just existed in the same house, they obviously won’t care.

And yes, they know our patterns in the day. You notice it when it’s beneficial to them (feeding time!). They will often wait for you to come home as well.

To remember: cats think we are interesting as hell. They watch us do everything because we’re fascinating!!!

notice how when you’re unfamiliar but nonthreatening, they might loaf facing you and sorta halfway watch you. you’re not fully trusted, but you’re ok by them.

when you’re familiar and liked, they’ll often sit near you facing the same way. imitation of poses is a weird little way cats show solidarity. they do it to each other too. check out these bff’s:

they are doing this on purpose. it’s a buddy thing. so if you’re watching tv and a cat sits next to you and pretends to watch tv too, they are basically calling you bro and declaring friendship.

and if they really love and trust you, they’ll turn their back on you and go to sleep. they’ll sleep facing a wall in your presence, or lounge where they can’t see the room. this isn’t a snub, folks, this is true kitty love. they’re saying, “i feel safe when you’re around. i know nothing’s going to sneak up on me, because you’re here. i feel so safe i can stick my head under a pillow and snore with my butt pointed at you.”

I consider any pets in a house just as much a resident to be respected as the humans because I am the guest and bitch THEY LIVE THERE.

So, because I taught pre k. And consider most pet animals to just be Adult Human Logic Impaired Thumbless Toddler Equivalents… I TALK to them like my students…

*MEOW* yes? What is it? *MEEEEEEOOOOOOOW* I don’t understand that tone can you show me?

And i follow them.

And I know a lot of “cat people” who DON’T speak cat, but they appreciate their animal. So I just give them the fun fact of what something means when they comment on a behavior they think is cute or weird they encourage simply because it is cute and they were told it was not harmful.

And my FAVORITE is when big quiet men who spoil their cats learn that their fluffy baby walking in to sit next to them playing a game, and keeping eyes on the door their human is not paying attention to is their cat’s way of saying “I got eyes on the door bro. You good to keep playing.”

Tumblr has not been doing a great job at talking about this, but:

With OneDnD, Wizards of the Coast has decided to update the Open Game License (OGL). Said license is what allowed people to create homebrew DnD content and sell it, and even larger companies to use certain sorts of content. Pathfinder, for example, is built on said OGL. This also allows streamers and artists to exist and benefit from said content.

With OneDnD (sometimes called “dnd 6e”), WOTC wants to create a much more restrictive OGL, which will, amongst other things:

Make WOTC take a cut for any DnD-related work (according to Kickstarter, a whole 25% of the benefits)

Let WOTC cancel any project related to DnD up to their discretion

Let WOTC take ANY content made based on their system, and re-sell it without crediting you, or giving you a single cent

And most importantly, revoke the old OGL, which will harm any company or game system that used it as a base, such as Pathfinder. And it means they GET ownership over any homebrew content you may have done for 5e in the past!

It’s important to note that OGLs are supposedly irrevocable. They were planning to use it for OneDnD initially, but they want to apply it retroactively to 5e, somehow. Which is illegal, but lawyers have mentioned there’s a chance they may get away with it given the wording.

This means that anything you make based on DnD (A homebrew item? A character drawing? Even music, according to them?), can get taken and used as they deem appropiate.

These news come from a leak of the OGL, which have been confirmed by multiple reputable sources (including Kickstarter, which has confirmed that WOTC already talked with them about this), and was planned to be released next week.

So, what can we do?

Speak against it. Share the word. Reblog this post. Let people know. Tumblr hasn’t been talking much about this matter, but it’s VERY important to let people know about what is WOTC bringing. 

Boycott them. Do not buy their products. Do not buy games with their IP. Do not watch their movie. CANCEL your DnD Beyond subscription. (Btw, they ARE planning to release more subscription services too!). They do not care about the community, but they care about the money. Make sure to speak through it. 

my mom, pokerfaced: yes that is exactly what i did

me: mom.

mom: it’s not that different from tinder!

me: you know i read a fanfic once where that was the exact plot of how the two characters met. except it was set in the nineteenth century!!!

mom:

mom: bet you thought it was hot

my dad, curt: it was cool i guess.

me:

me: did you not think it was weird at all? why did you call her specifically and not anyone else?

dad: no it was common back then. idk i liked the font she chose for the ad

my mom, from the kitchen: it was standard issue from the paper for the ads to look like that

dad: oh… guess it was fate then :)

me:

dad:

mom:

me: did you feel that? did you feel the breeze that just passed?

dad: yeah?

me: that was because mom just melted in the kitchen

Kittens can’t regulate their own body temperature. That’s why they pile up.

Cats see us as colony members.

Masha saw a kitten that was on its own, no mommy, no other kittens to cuddle with. She instinctively knew that was a cold kitten. She knew that a kitten alone on a cold night was very likely to die. Because a kitten would have died too.

So, all she was doing was what any good colony member does - protecting the abandoned kitten. Then when the abandoned kitten’s mommy didn’t come back, she called the rest of the colony for help.

People have this bizarre idea that housecats don’t have a social sense. They do, and it saved this kid’s life. And possibly Masha’s too, as life on the streets is dangerous for a kitty.

This dinosaur skeleton is incomplete. But, it doesn't look that way to us, because the parts it's missing are parts we don't have.

See how there are ribs on the bottom? Those are called gastralia. That's right, dinosaurs had ribs on their stomachs as well, and modern crocodiles and alligators still have them! (Also, notice that the ribs keep going to the hips instead of stopping above the waist. This is also true of modern birds, and why a bird can't have a concave stomach!)

Next, notice that ring floating in the center of the eye socket? That's called a sclerotic ring! Fish, reptiles, birds--with the exception of mammals (and, oddly enough, crocodilians), pretty much all modern vertebrates still have them! It's literally an eyeball bone. Afaik we haven't found a T-rex specimen with any intact, but since we've found them in other dinosaurs, it's very likely they had them too.