I mentioned my desire to go to Tucson to them.
I did not say anything romantic. They have a head on their shoulders, one both exceedingly beautiful and intelligent. They know that's on my mind. But I also have my own personal reasons for wanting to go to Tucson, reasons I want to go whether or not we work out. Nor did I say "whether we get back together again" or anything like that. Implied, but not stated. That's as far as I'm going, and I'm going back now. Any further and I'm in violation, nor should I stay where I got to tonight for the same reason.
I also made clear I don't know how long it would take exactly, since I'm not in the kind of career yet that I'd need to be able to move down there. There are openings for various things, and I might get one, and then I might be able to transfer an apprenticeship or something down to Tucson. But I don't have those yet. So I'm not pretending I'm yet at the point where we could get back together. "Whoo-wee, I just said I also want to go to Arizona! Let's forget that that hasn't happened yet, and be back together!" Yeah, *no*. I know that isn't how it works. I can say whatever I like, but even if I do mean it - and I absolutely do mean it - what matters is whether it's done. So the acknowledgement that I have an idea, but nothing concrete yet, that we'll see, is me implicitly saying that yes, of course, I know those conditions aren't met yet. Just that, for reasons unrelated to you in addition to reasons related to you, this is genuinely what I want, and that's all I'm saying.
The response I received? Good response. Appreciation of Arizona, beautiful pictures from their trip. Didn't directly address the reasons I stated for wanting to move to Tucson, didn't mention Tucson, specifically, but shared other good things about Arizona. That's an acknowledgement and understanding that it is my genuine desire, along with reasons they want to be in Arizona - though they didn't say Tucson - without rebuke. Without "but you should go to the green parts of the PNW because they're of a similar climate to the lands of your ancestors". To be fair... My body is not built for heat. I will cook in Tucson. But I am a human, and we adapt. It's also not "I'm sorry, please take me back," but I wasn't expecting that, and that wouldn't be right. We've both suffered heartbreak, and we need healing. And while the breakup hurts, the reason that we've been long-distance for so long, without getting much closer to being together, is a good reason. She's right, as much as I wish she weren't, and that we were still together. That pain can't continue. We'll love when we can be together, or we will just be friends. I understand and agree.
Still. She didn't react negatively to the statement of my intent. She reacted warmly. And I'll back off, knowing there is some hope, but no guarantee. I'll back off, I'll work hard to get down there, and let's hope I do, but we'll see. But if I do, we might see some happiness.
In any case, there is a point. If we're just friends... 😮💨We're just friends, but we will be good friends. But if I do achieve this, and if she does then take me back, *once we're both where we need to be*, I think we'll have a great love that will last. But for now, I'm just a good friend, and the friend will respect.
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