What even is the point of anything until what was lost is restored?
Yet I know things won't be restored until conditions are changed. But they must be changed fast enough.
I don't want to lose her love forever. It's bad enough I've lost it for now.
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@catsnuggler
What even is the point of anything until what was lost is restored?
Yet I know things won't be restored until conditions are changed. But they must be changed fast enough.
I don't want to lose her love forever. It's bad enough I've lost it for now.

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What even is the point of anything until what was lost is restored?
I never even got to talk to her mom.
She said her mom wanted to talk to me. Video chat. Sometime, no specified time.
The next morning, she broke up with me. It was a video call, because I could tell what it was going to be from the messages sent before. Her mom wasn't part of that.
Did her mom say I was a loser? Decided there's no point to a meeting because I'm worthless and undeserving?
What hurts is... I can't even argue against that. But I at least wanted to meet her. Finally do the decent thing of meeting her. Have her talk with folks from my family; I figured my sister and brother-in-law would be the best. I wanted to arrange that, so she'd at least know my love for Raven is deep and true, that I really have just had bad luck, but that given I finally get the chances I need, I'm willing to do whatever to make Raven happy, loved, safe, warm, free. I wanted to let her know that I really do care, I was just... ashamed. I was ashamed of myself. And I had only hoped I could finally, FUCKING FINALLY, GET THE CHANCES I NEED TO BUILD MYSELF A LIFE, and do everything I can for Raven to ensure she would be happy sharing this life with me.
I couldn't even talk to her mom before Raven broke up with me. And now there's no need. I'm just the nice loser in Washington who means well but has to learn he doesn't have a chance, not even because either of us fell out of love, but because of circumstances and time. Time and fucking circumstances.
Time and circumstances are poor reasons to permanently give up on something so pure.
I would never dishonor her. I would never disrespect her. That wouldn't be right, that's not who I am, and besides, I love her so deeply. It is her wish we be friends. And she will have her wish. I only hope she spoke truly when she said we might have a chance if things change, and that I will be in time for that chance, and that such a right love as the one between us will flourish.
If she says no... I wish her happiness, but I will not find another love. She is the one for me. To be with another would betray my love for her, and even if it becomes a one-sided love that does not return to requital, it is part of who I am now, part of my code. Even if she'd say, and she has said, I'm free to find someone else, it would be a betrayal of her in my heart. I won't betray my heart. I'd rather it be broken than betrayed.

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Gods, I need good work and I need good money
and I need to get out
and I need some stability
and I need to prove that I can give her the happiest life ever
Coyotes trying their damndest to get domesticated
Or these 2....
TW: slavery and the slave trade
The fact that the trafficking of enslaved Africans underpins so much of western European culture is so severely underacknowledged by white western Europeans that it boggles the mind to think of it. I've posted here before about how pitiful have been the attempts of white institutions to account for the crimes of their past, how they will at best acknowledge only the most blatant and undeniable parts of their history while laundering responsibility for the great majority of it. One particularly striking aspect of that is how little museum space in western Europe is dedicated to discussing slavery.
The British Museum in London was formed from the private collection of Hans Sloane whose collection was funded by profits from Caribbean plantations inherited by his wife. The original museum building was bought by the British government from the children of John Montagu, a man who was literally granted ownership of the Caribbean islands of St Lucia and St Vincent by the British state. The current museum building was constructed starting in the 1820s (when slavery was still legal in the British Empire) funded directly by the British government, around 20% of whose tax income at that time came in the form of customs on imported products, such as sugar and cotton from the Caribbean.
Yet the extent of the museum's engagement with its total historic dependence on slavery is merely to have moved a bust of Hans Sloane's head to a new location with some comments on his slavery connection. There is an ongoing campaign to have merely one permanent exhibit about the slave trade at the musem. (And this is not even getting into the famous legacy of that museum as a repository of looted colonial plunder such as the Benin bronzes.)
It's not just big museums either. A tiny museum like Jane Austen's house in Chawton, UK, has a notice on its website regarding mentions of slavery that actually reassures guests that they won't go too far in doing so, "We would like to offer reassurance that we will not, and have never had any intention to, interrogate Jane Austen, her characters or her readers for drinking tea." An admission that's rather telling about what they expect the views of museum visitors to be. But why not interrogate her or her characters? That is exactly what they should be doing!
It is quite well-known among Austen fans than Mansfield Park is her book that deals with slavery: the protagonist lives in the house of a man who owns slave plantations in Antigua. Many fans are keen to find evidence in the text that the protagonist objects to this, but she ultimately marries the son of the plantation owner and lives on the land of the plantation owner and her husband's income is paid by the plantation owner, so her objections (if they exist) cannot be worth much.
In Persuasion, the protagonist's love interest is a naval officer who fought in the Battle of Santo Domingo, a battle that was explicitly about protecting British interests in the Caribbean (i.e. sugar plantations) from being captured by the French.
In Pride and Prejudice, Mr Bingley has no land and his huge income is derived from investment in government bonds, which is to say that he pays for British military campaigns (such as the same Battle of Santo Domingo) and in return he is paid by the British government out of tax income, of which a big chunk is customs levied on slave-produced products.
And that's without even getting into the question of where the cotton comes from that makes up the dresses which are a frequent subject of discussion for many Austen characters.
For that matter, what about the dresses worn by Austen herself when writing her novels? The sugar in the tea she drank? The very house she lived in was owned by her brother, who inherited it (and all his considerable wealth) from Thomas Knight, a Tory MP (which is to say, a politican from the British political wing which most heavily supported slavery). The world of Austen's novels is entirely about slavery, it is the very thing which makes the lifestyles of the characters possible. The whole museum is about slavery whether the curators like it or not, anything less than mentioning it constantly is a deliberate hiding of the truth. And when I visited it a couple of years ago, I do not recall seeing slavery mentioned even once (maybe I missed one sign in a corner of one room or something idk).
As well as the severe underreporting of slavery at museums, the lack of slavery-specific museums in western Europe is also really remarkable. The Mercado de Escravos in Lagos, Portgual and the International Slavery Museum in Liverpool, UK, are the only two that I am aware of, albeit the latter is closed until 2029. A slavery museum in Amsterdam has been proposed and is supposed to open in 2030, but given that a French slavery museum was proposed by Francois Hollande a decade ago and never built I will not get my hopes too high about it.
The London Museum Docklands has a permanent exhibit on London's connection to slavery, which is pretty good as far as it goes, but is utterly pathetic in the context that it is the only permanent exhibit about the slave trade in the whole city. The best I have seen by far is the Suriname Museum in Amsterdam, which dedicates a huge portion of its space to covering the slave trade in great detail. The fact that the museum was founded by the descendants of enslaved Africans who were trafficked to Suriname is surely why this particular museum is so good.
The contrast between that and white institutions like the British Museum is really stark. Do you treat the slave trade with the gravity it deserves, which is to say that you mention it at every opportunity and do not shy away from saying, "The slave trade is why this museum, this city, this country, this continent, why all of it is the way it is"? Or do you move one statue to a new location, put a little sign up about how one man's wife's family owned slaves a long time ago, and say "That's enough, we've dealt with the slavery issue now"?

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Pronghorns don't jump fences -- so they say...
Source
Happy Pride Month!
Holy shit!!!!!!! HUNGARY DID IT!!!!
-via the Los Angeles Blade, June 1, 2026
Tired. Partly emotional. Partly from staying up, which is partly due to emotions. Partly because even with my blinds down, the sun comes in at 5, so I need to go to bed earlier with the understanding I'm waking up at 5 to compensate, lest I get only 5 hours or so of sleep per night. But part of it certainly is emotional. Part of it is that I love her, and while we still talk as friends - which I am immensely grateful for - I yearn and I yearn. I want to be on my feet, away from my family, want to be able to start over but with full transparency with her mom, with the ability to visit and more, with the ability to really get it off the ground. That's what I want. I'm not there yet, but that's really what I want. If I have to leave "home", so be it. As an individual, I'll never feel the roots in the land I want to feel. I'll feel the roots with the one I love, and with those close to me.
Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says “no eyes… no nose… no face. Don’t trust.” To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.
Cybertruck. It was a cybertruck.
I want to tell her so badly that I love her, but I can't. And it's not because I don't love her, because I do. I love her so damn much.

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today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me
OP is suggesting we trust strangers on the internet
Everything used to be 20 dollars and now that I finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars