Been struggling to find ANY form of touching his forequarters that he experiences as relaxing. I think I did! Rub those ear tufts! I have not thoroughly tested this, but he has never squinted and leaned into my hand before!
I talked to a behaviorist. She was lovely and gave me a free 15 minute consult that was really half an hour. She didn't even try to book me for a paid appointment, just gave me some reasonable advice, recommended some products that she wasn't selling personally, and told me to call her anytime if he didn't start to improve. No pressure, just someone who knows animals well, who also believes he will be just fine. That it will work out.
We are good at cats, he is just the most cat a cat can be, and has needs I've never had to struggle to meet before. And yeah, we would not have taken him if we had known he's a rejected Abyssinian, not with Fancy to consider, but...that's okay, because we DID choose him and he IS here and he IS getting every consideration we know how to give, and we WANT to keep him not in spite of what he is, but because of what he is. Because he is just amazing. He is a little meteor of a cat. Bright and quick and on an unstoppable trajectory towards whatever he wants. I love the purity of cats like that. And he is so much fun.
He's still a baby, he isn't who he will be in six months or a year or two years or ten. And I want to get there, to those years. He and I are not bonding super well, he just isn't a physically affectionate cat and I am not used to that. Our preferred affections don't just differ, they oppose one another. That also does not matter, as long as I give him respect. (He has none.)
And there are moments when he tries, and I try, and we both try, and he accepts what I offer, and he gives it back, and he isn't just Banjo, or Boojum, or Booger. He's just...my Joe.
I don't get to see that part of him every day, but I trust that I will. I trust that he is a cat, which means he is something I can learn to understand, and I will trust that we can help him, and trust that someday soon he will be Banjo when we are all going about our business, and Boojum when he is playing, and Booger when he is being sweet, and just...Joe...when things are quiet and he is a little sleepy and wants to hug me and sniff my eyes. My Joe.
He was really good today and yesterday. Really good. If he can have one day when he waits 15 minutes to run and try to tackle Fancy, he can have one day when it takes an hour, and if he has one day where he can do an hour, he can have a day where he can do it all afternoon. And maybe soon every day will be a day where he will be a self-propelled dodgeball of a cat who has learned self-control.
I have not doubted him. Just us, mostly me. I'm tired, there's family stuff going on that is really, really scary. Like, "what happens to the house, then?" scary. And sometimes it feels like my patience is like skim milk, which you can't really make anything with. He could wear me out, because I'm so worn down already. But I'm not alone, my boyfriend loves him a lot, and is also good with cats, and Fancy is not even remotely afraid of him. So I'll just try to trust that I can do it, and move through time with a tube treat in my hand and a hollering bumpkin trying to trip me to my death until I get there.
This was him in problems causing mode. Cat owners know the innocent looking face is not one you should trust.
We are playing fetch right now. He brings me his spring toy. He drops it on me, or throws it at me. He can throw things! Or he drops it near me and bounces around like a jackrabbit and does the cat version of a play bow. And last night he came up and dropped the toy, then used his paw to scoot it towards me with an expectant look! 😭 He did it several times. I could not get it on camera, and don't know if he will keep doing it, but it was top five cutest things I've seen a cat do.
He is not a good boy, but he is also so good. I want him to stay because learning to love him properly will teach me so much I want to learn, and I will have a really incredible reward. One that wants his 5G ear tufts gently rubbed.
