OUR VOICE

To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)

If you’re younger, you may not know Patrick Swayze; he was Taken From Us in 2009. But Patrick Swayze was an icon of masculinity. Men were willing to watch romantic movies because Patrick Swayze was in them.

Patrick Swayze was fucking beefcake.

And this man didn’t just agree to do a movie where the only time he’s not actually in drag is the first three minutes, which involve stepping out of the shower, doing make up, and getting Dressed. He has ONE LINE that is delivered in a man’s voice, and it’s not during those three minutes.

And if you watch those three minutes, you see a stark difference between his portrayal of Miss Vida Bohéme and Wesley Snipes as Noxeema Jackson. (I am not criticizing Snipes’ performance. They were different roles.) Noxeema was a comedy character. Chi-Chi was a comedy character. But Miss Vida Bohéme was a dramatic role, played by a dramatic powerhouse.

When Vida sits down in front of the mirror, she sees a man. And she doesn’t like it.

Then she puts her hair up, and her face lights up.

“Ready or not,” she says. “Here comes Mama.”

And while Noxeema is having fun with her transformation (at one point breaking into a giggling fit after putting on pantyhose), Vida is simply taking pleasure in bringing out her true self. And when she’s done, she sees this:

And you can FEEL her pride.

You are not getting pushback from the older segment of the queer community because you are young.

It’s because you came into the spaces we built for you and instantly tried to kick us out.

It’s because we opened the doors for you and you walked in and demanded that everyone you don’t like leave. You demanded that the kinksters, the crossdressers, the freaks and the weirdos, the non-binary trans folks, the people with conflicting identity labels, the people who apparently don’t enjoy their smut “the right way” leave.

It’s because you have thrown yourself into queer spaces with all the fucking audacity of a straight white woman raging at a rainbow flag in a grocery store, wailing about how it’s not appropriate for children.

It’s because you apparently think that you have some right to tell us, and other queer people your age, HOW to be queer.

It’s because a SCARY number of you think that using the word queer is bad in the first place.

It’s because so many of you have come here drowning in radfem rhetoric, and your response to being corrected is to scream “pedo!” At any queer peer who disagrees with your puritanical approach to kink and fantasy.

It’s because so many of you think that being LGBT+ means you can’t possibly hold onto the conservative values you grew up with, and when you’re called on it you attack anyone and everyone in your way.

Us queer elders aren’t hating on you because you’re young. It’s because you have come into the space we built- a space that we built on from what OUR queer elders built. Which was built on what THEIR queer elders built. And so on, all held up by a foundation of fucking blood of the queers who did not fucking survive, who we lost before I was born, and continue to be lost.

...eventually, a "queer elder" is going to be anyone who remembers the fight for marriages pre-Obergefell. Which. Um. We have people who don't remember that, but they're pretty young, enough that people who remember the change are definitely not "elders" yet.

Before that, queer elders were the ones who remembered the pre-AIDS world. There are generations of elders.

Gay:

Used to mean carefree

Then sexually deviant

Then prostitute

Then slut

Then sodomite

And THEN as we know it today but only as a slur

Reclaimed in the seventies

LGBT:

Invented in the nineties

Has faced constant backlash (from both straight, queer, and LGBT folks from being not inclusive enough or too inclusive)

Every year there are pushes to change to acronym

LGBTQ

LGBTQ+

LGBTQ*

LGBTQIA

Mogai

Alphabet soup

Queer:

Used to mean “other”

Became a slang term for “not straight” in the 1400s

Became a slur in the early 1900s

Reclaimed in the 80s.

Sudden push back from within the queer community to have it seen only as a slur in the 2010s, a push that can be traced back to terf ideology.

Is the only term that includes all non cishet people

Homosexual

A medical diagnosis

Used for decades to make queerness into a mental illness

Used as a slur for the latter half of the 20th century

Rejected by the queer community as an acceptable term for a brief period of time in the early 2000s before coming back into fashion.

Only describes the experience of cis gay men and cis lesbians

She understood intersectional equality on a fundamental level – her logic being that she, a woman, a single mother, a feminist in the 70s, could not deny a gay couple the right to a marriage. She was a champion and a pioneer for queer people for the rest of her life, and she passed away this week.

(based on a presentation by a deaf trans guy i was at in 2005 where he was promoting that sign)

it seems like that sign was invented and implemented by trans people over the last 10-ish years. before that the predominant vocabulary was “sex change” and then some deaf trans people were like “yo fuck that” and came up with the current sign, which starts off with the sign for “myself,” then motion that indicates both change and coming together, and ends with the closed hand held against the sternum.

and in the process it also mimics the sign for “beautiful”

and because of spatial grammar, things closer to the front of your body in ASL are generally more vital, more emphatic, more immediate, more present.

so it’s actually a case where the word coherently indicates “beauty” and “self transformation” and contains hints of the complete thought of “my self transforming, through a coming together of disparate factors, into something more real, immediate, and vital than I was before.”

so yeah. that’s just fuckin’ awesome.

call me crazy but i literally don’t need and don’t want to be reminded that there’s a massive subculture on here that hates my guts any time anyone decides to say something nice about trans women!

he wrote a book that’s all about grappling with death and pain and wanting to take them into your own hands… literally the first line of the book ends with “the first step to eternal life is you have to die.” it’s the narrator visiting all these different support groups for different diseases like cancers and blood parasites as a ~tourist in order to feel healthy and alive and free (note: most people who died of aids didn’t die of the virus itself but of opportunistic infections and aids-related cancers). it’s about how “on a long enough time line, everyone’s survival rate drops to zero.” like yes it’s intricate rituals, but it’s very specifically men sharing bodily fluids and blood. it’s about reclaiming death and using it as a symbol.

it’s about feeling abandoned and forgotten and ignored by the establishment and wanting to burn everything down because of that, about an entire generation of gay men trapped in a great spiritual depression, waging a war, a revolution, for their lives but one that was not acknowledged publicly for years while they suffered. it’s about living double lives, becoming someone Different under the cover of darkness, someone Stronger and Braver who could rage against the system the way you never even dreamed of doing in the daylight

it’s about being a member of A Club (where the initiation is a kiss that burns your skin) that exists everywhere and nowhere, and being able to immediately pick out someone else who’s In The Club just by looking at them even though no one around you has a clue, and you just nod at each other and acknowledge your shared experience and save your actual interactions for secret back rooms and basements—except pretty soon other people can tell there’s something Unsavory going on with you because you start exhibiting physical signs that you can’t hide anymore including bloody lesions on your face.

it’s about “only in death will we have our own names since only in death are we no longer part of the effort. In death we become heroes” + david wojnarowicz wearing a jacket in 1988 that said “if i die of aids – forget burial – just drop my body on the steps of the fda”. it’s about “his name is robert paulson and he is fortyeight years old. his name is robert paulson, and robert paulson will be fortyeight years old, forever” + this panel from the AIDS memorial quilt that reads “my name is duane kearns puryear. i was born on december 20, 1964. i was diagnosed with aids on september 7, 1987 at 4:45 pm. i was 22 years old. sometimes, it makes me very sad. i made this panel myself. if you are reading it, i am dead.”

literally every line of this book (and the film) mean More if you read it through this lens. “you aren’t your name. you aren’t your family. … everything you ever love will reject you or die.” taking the sentence “i am the toxic waste byproduct of God’s creation” that is the worst thing anyone could fear about themselves (and like.. it’s literally homophobia. especially re: gay men during the aids crisis) and weaponizing it because it means you have nothing to lose. tyler saying fuck the police and telling the police commissioner that “the people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. we’re the people who do your laundry and cook your food and serve your dinner. we make your bed. we guard you while you’re asleep.”

Figuring out your identity can be really puzzling. That’s why, this pride, we are partnering with Rubik’s to bring you the LGBTQube!

Can’t believe that this blog started out on Tumblr 5 years ago, and now we got to partner with such a huge, worldwide brand - this is an incredible step for our community and we are truly filled with pride 🌈

We made a Gender Identity Edition and a Sexual Orientation Edition LGBTQube! They are available until June 30th, 2022!

The documentary includes a brief clip of a 1954 televised newscast about the rise of homosexuality. The host of the program interviewed psychologists, a police officer, and one “known homosexual”. The “known homosexual” is 22 years old. He identifies himself as Curtis White, which is a pseudonym; his name is actually Dale Olson.

So I tracked down the newscast. According to what I can find, Dale Olson may have been the first gay man to appear openly on television and defend his sexual orientation. He explains that there’s nothing wrong with him mentally and he’s never been arrested. When asked whether he’d take a cure if it existed, he says no. When asked whether his family knows he’s gay, he says that they didn’t up until tonight, but he guesses they’re going to find out, and he’ll probably be fired from his job as well. So of course the host is like …why are you doing this interview then? and Dale Olson, cool as cucumber pie, says “I think that this way I can be a little useful to someone besides myself.”

1954. 22 years old. Balls of pure titanium.

Despite the pseudonym, Dale’s boss did indeed recognize him from the TV program, and he was promptly fired the next day. He wrote into ONE magazine six months later to reassure readers that he had gotten a new job at a higher salary.

Curious about what became of him, I looked into his life a little further. It turns out that he ultimately became a very successful publicity agent. He promoted the Rocky movies and Superman. Not only that, but get this: Dale represented Rock Hudson, and he was the person who convinced him to disclose that he had AIDS! He wrote the statement Rock read. And as we know, Rock Hudson’s disclosure had a very significant effect on the national conversation about AIDS in the U.S.

My partner, trying his best but not used to using nonbinary pronouns: Hey, I'm on my way home. Have you dropped off the...thems...yet?

Me: I have not dropped off the thems yet, no. We're on our way, though.

Southern Comfort (2001)

Robert: – and now she’s coming out, full blown… she is something else.

Lola: Oh, please, stop it.

Robert: What? I’m just telling her how wonderful you are, and how beautiful, and how organised, and…

Lola: Actually, you know, I really should put all of this on tape, you know? For when I’m not feeling so great.

Robert: Sweetheart, it is on tape. 

[BOTH LAUGH]

Robert: Just in the last couple of months now, it’s come on real strong, but she just really blushes! I can get her to blush all the way from head to toe. See? And she can’t deal with it! She’s never blushed like that before!

Lola: [SIGHS]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Robert: All my life, I’ve been looking for the perfect woman… and all this time, she’s been right there in front of me, and I didn’t even realise it, ‘cause I never thought I’d have a chance with her.

Lola: Why? You’re like… completely loveable.

Robert: To be loved by you, that’s… that’s…

Lola: I had no notion, to think that we would have this little fling.

Robert: That’s what I feel - we have this nice friendship, we can’t go out, we have fun together, we got no entanglements and stuff and then - bam! Just… all of a sudden, next thing I know, we’re in love with each other and we can’t stop it.

I'm actually still pissed, as a disabled person, that they try to call it "marriage equality"

marriage equality for who? Disabled people dependent on SSI/SSDI still can't marry their fucking partners -- and that includes fucking gay disabled people! Hell, you can get your benefits taken away for "holding out as married" i.e., living with your partner that you're not married to.

It's fucking bullshit. But nope, the cis white assimilationists gays got to live out their white picket fence Ideal American dream for about a decade, completely ignoring the rampant transphobia slowly spreading outwards like a virulent infection...

And now that the republicans are openly attacking The Gays again like it's the fucking 1990s, suddenly 'oh my god where did this homophobia come from???'

Like we warned you! The less acceptable queers have been fucking sitting there, begging to be heard screaming "once they're done with u, they're going to come for you next"

but they had their white picket fence and their marriage "equality" so fuck us!

Now, we have fucking puriteen "queer is a slur uwu" baby gays calling the people who founded Pride fucking pedophiles and groomers because they don't understand how necessary the unpalatable queers, the fucking weirdos, the pup-player and the leather dykes and the leather daddies, are.

TBH, I think they're probably going to find out how important and necessary the freaks are to the community because not only are they the canary in the coal mine, they're the ones who have held the line.

But I don't think we can stem the rising tide before people start drowning in even greater numbers than they already are.

It’s older then you are, it’s older then I am. The leather community is responsible for pride. Leather daddies were the ones chasing away cops when they tried to arrest us for being queer in public back when Pride Parades were illegal in the US. They are still the ones chasing away cops and corporations from smaller pride events and those that aren’t sanctioned by Wells Fargo. The leather community is essential to the queer community and has a long and rich history.

Please fuck off if you’re not going to learn the actual history of pride.

Here is a photograph from 1998, displaying the leather pride flag, the bear gay pride flag, and the rainbow flag. This is our history.

Source.

Here is a photograph from 1987: three queer women entering into the Ms. National Leather Association Contest, or simply gathering as spectators.

Source.

A flyer from 1989, rallying the leather community to march in a Stonewall anniversary protest.

Source.

A photograph from 1988: Tony Deblase, the creator of the leather pride flag, and a gay man, embracing a fellow member of the leather community. Over his shoulder is Judy Tallwing McCarthy, a Native American woman who was part of the leather community from 1959. She co-founded the first lesbian BDSM group in Portland, along with her partner, Sashie Hyatt.

Source. Source.

Just because you don’t know the history, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Be humble, and always assume you have more to learn. Hatred, and outright dismissal of communities you know nothing about, is the most aggressively anti-LGBT thing I can imagine.

Do you have any. Any idea. Any god damn clue. How kink intersects with LGBT and queer community. Queer history. Do you know why the community pushed for, and against, closing the bathhouses during the 80s? Do you know who organized awareness campaigns about HIV, even way back when it was still called GIRD. Do you know who created the safe sex pamphlets, the classes, who pushed for disclosing your health history to partners, who distributed contraceptives and condoms and dental dams at parties and meetings and baths? Do you even know where the safe sex education we have now comes from? Do you know where a bulk of the language about consent came from? Do you have any good god damn idea what the kink communities have done for us, and continue to do for us?

Don’t be so quick to sanitize your queerness and make it corporate pride daytime TV-friendly. Don’t be so quick to jump on the purity bandwagon. Don’t be so quick to speak on what your community should look like before you’ve actually learned the history of your community, and always be aware that there are things you probably don’t yet know.

These things will not protect you. They never have. And all you’re doing is isolating yourself from community, from support, from the strength we all have when we stand together in a world that would gladly pick us off one by one.

Queerness isn’t as hidden or embattled now (in some places) as it once was, but make no mistake: when our existence was illegal everywhere the people you have this knee-jerk “hide the weirdos” reaction to are the very ones who would’ve had your back against the cops and the gay-bashers.