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we are going to be friends (threat) (promise)

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doctors hate him for his weirdly intense vibes and woefully unsuccessful although elaborate schemes and machinations
also for coming back from the dead, which is widely considered a faux pas in the medical field
You know when there's like, a straight show and everyone's like "it's full of queer subtext between the main straight dudes, and this character is obviously autistic and they really meant to say trans rights"? And then there's a queer show and all of a sudden it's "no but they weren't sensitive about this character's trauma and the queer sex scenes are too short and they're all problematic as fuck, i can't even watch"? And then our shit doesn't get renewed, and we hated on it the whole way for not embodying the perfection we'd never dream of demanding from the straight show?
Yeah, something like that
dude you can't hate me just because my pussy secretes a rich and viscous royal jelly that enthralled your girlfriend. get over it already
ok. director's cut: i always pictured this exchange taking place in a nice café. like a "latte is 8.65 but it's a good latte" kind of café. and you get little brass numbers for your order to put on the table. but anyways; i'm getting coffee with this cishet couple. like hetero jessica and jakey. and he's already a little unhappy; maybe he didn't get the big contract at work, maybe he thinks this place is too fancy, maybe he doesn't like that his fiancé dragged him out for coffee with "one of those people". the specifics aren't important. at some point he goes to the bathroom, curses at the open-neck dual-cartridge burnished nickel faucet those fancy cafés love to have that always splash you, so on & so forth. but when he gets back, his beautiful college sweetheart is sitting on the floor between my legs with a dopey smile on her face and just absolutely SMEARED in orange goop. my legs and thighs too. very short dress. nothing left to the imagination. and of course jakey is not having any of it; he's spitting and screaming and whining and bargaining and what have you, but the other café patrons just start getting annoyed at him. someone`s grandmother tells him to stop making such a ruckus.
and there you have it!

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everyone in the entire world lives in chicago
if you don’t live in chicago you actually do btw
Does this fanfiction make sense? Hold water? Not an ounce! Does that mean I’m going to stop writing it? Not an ounce! I’m a moron with a keyboard and half an idea and that’s your problem now. God couldn’t stop me and neither could my dad, and now I’m on your screen with another thousand words of whatever the fuck this is. Bon appetite bitch!
This is mesmerizing to watch.
actually physically painful to watch because you know months were spent masking all those frames for each of the kajillions of transitions in this
Holy………..shmokes…….
Oh?? My god??
I’ll try my best to describe this. It’s a video with a mash-up of a bunch of different Disney movies, set to a song that’s a mash-up of a bunch of other songs. That in and of itself wouldn’t make it praiseworthy, but this is DONE SO WELL that just, holy cow.
HOLY SHIT
Every time I see this, I HAVE to watch.
It is Law.
A remix of movies that are remixes of folk stories, set to a remix of music.
Also, it’s better than anything official Disney has put out in years.
a completely non-exhaustive list of what I think could be in a museum exhibit about project hail mary! :] both because it’s fun to think about and because it’s relevant to a fic I’m writing, but since the fic is short I can’t include nearly as much as I want to. please discuss/add your contributions in the notes!!
location: Grace being American, I imagine the main exhibit would be at one of the Smithsonians (or affiliates). originally I went with Space Center Houston, but the National Air and Space Museum in DC might make marginally more sense. it’s pretty small, but they do also literally have Neil Armstrong’s spacesuit and the command module from Apollo 11, so a Hail Mary exhibit might make a nice companion.
name: Earth’s Saving Grace: The Story of Project Hail Mary (if this was real life it would be called like “The Lockheed Martin Hail Mary Exhibit” or something equally asinine, but this is fake so I can ignore that <3)
actual artifacts:
at least one of the Beetles probes (probably Ringo, idk I’m attached to that one for some reason)
xenonite taumoeba breeder tank
replicas of the yellow and red jumpsuits grace wore, with highlights on each of the individual patches and what they mean + the patches that were on Ilyukhina + Yáo’s suits
a small replica of the astrophage panels used to power the Hail Mary
I imagine Grace kept some kind of physical research journal while working on Stratt’s Vat, that would be in here
interactive:
tech panel breaking down time dilation + the difference between the actual time the hail mary traveled to tau ceti, the time as experienced from earth, and the time as experienced by the crew onboard
tech panel that teaches about base 6 + Eridian numbers, and has a little quiz where you’re given a number in base 10 and have to convert it to base 6 (or you’re given a number 0-5 and have to pick the Eridian equivalent)
tech panel with a 3D model of Rocky you can spin around and click various parts of to learn about Eridian biology (or at least what they know of it from Grace’s logs)
tech panel comparing the planet characteristics of Earth vs Erid, + potentially Venus vs Threeworld + maybe Sol vs 40 Eridani A; I’m not sure how comprehensive I want this panel to be actually thinking through this a Sol/40 Eridani A comparison would be built in, as I envision you being able to both look at the planets themselves side by side and switch views to look at their orbits around their hosts side by side
other elements:
one of those semi-enclosed movie rooms with the big wall projection(s), where they loop through a curated collection of the video clips sent back by Grace [when the museum is busy this part of the exhibit in particular is packed]
wrapping around the exhibit is a timeline of the entire mission, from the Petrova line discovery all the way to the Sun returning to full brightness (and when they have confirmation that 40 Eridani A has also returned to full brightness, I imagine this would be added as well) [the actual line part of the timeline is red, of course]
a dedicated wall with pictures of all of the big players in the mission, and a placard naming them all. Stratt is at the top (which she hates), with Grace immediately beneath her, and then the remaining astronauts side by side underneath him, continuing down through technicians scientists etc. Grace never took a mission picture the way the rest of the astronaut crew did, so it’s just his final yearbook photo as a teacher. it’s led to a number of conspiracy theories online that maybe he never actually agreed to be the tertiary scientist, but it’s explained in the exhibit as highlighting that he wanted to be remembered as a teacher, not an astronaut
that's all I have for now, but I will likely rb with more in the future; it's a fun concept to rotate around in my brain
concept: section of wall formatted like a REALLY BIG yearbook page, digital with stylus 'pens' so you can sign Mr. Grace's yearbook and leave him a note; your note disappears from the page and then joins a constantly looping display of messages and/or is stored for inclusion in any message-in-a-bottle type things ever sent towards Erid
also! a guided activity for tour groups: playing lava with a beanbag and being asked questions (after consultation of former students)
Former living weapon absolutely dominating at laser tag

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crepuscular homie summer
A message from Mary, a 72-year-old Amazon worker from North Carolina projected onto Jeff Bezos’s $120 million penthouse before tonight’s #MetGala, chaired by Bezos.
Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later
A+ weird little dude, but I'm equally fascinated by the choice of music.
*unmutes*
There should be the opposite of harassment campaigns where people go "this person seems kind of sad, we should send them a bunch of nice messages and money and fun pictures of animals anonymously until they feel better"
i play a game with my friends called "talk nice behind their back" where if everyone who is present knows a particular person who is not present, i'll say "it's time for talk nice behind their back!" and then make everyone say nice stuff about the absent friend. i think if "talk nice behind their back" became a thing then more people would organize "uplifting campaigns"
That's so beautiful. We should all be doing this

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[AFTER REVEALING VERY TELLING PERSONAL INFO] But don’t read into that. let’s move along
animals with a lot of legs